Behind the Grey Cloud
I have always been a believer that you make your own luck and you pick your own destiny. Life is about the choices you make and the paths you choose. Its about the people you interact with and how you decide to embrace the unknown. Its about making mistakes and re orientating oneself.
Personally, I am a rather black and white person. Grey is just not in my vocabulary. Find your self on the wrong path, then take a different direction. When you are black and white, this is a lot easier to do than those that look through 50 shades of Grey. When I flip a coin, it lands on head or tails. But for some others, it rolls on its edge, ending in a tizzy of spin.
Emotions are grey. Like a big dirty cloud hovering in the sky blocking out the sun, emotions can cloud one’s judgement. Irrational decisions and behaviors are often caused by a heightened level of emotions. Love and hurt can drive us crazy and for some it means the end. For others love means life and gives them the strength to carry on.
I like being black and white. I didn’t set out to be that way, but I like it. However, there is one subject that throws so much grey into my life its not even funny. I have this fear, this panic, even before I mention the word I can feel my chest getting tight. Death. The only path that has been pre-defined for us is death and it’s the one thing I cannot deal with. It is destiny. Its out of our control.
In fairness I have not had to deal with death. I am in my 40s, so I consider myself very lucky to have not lost anyone close to me. VERY VERY LUCKY. And when death does cross the path of someone I love, I really don’t know how I will cope.
Today I was thinking about some amazing people I know or have encountered. I think these people are amazing because they have the ability to deal with the grey in a way I never thought possible. The story of one I will share with you now.
This person I want to tell you about I have known for a long time. He is extremely smart and manages to do grey and black and white at the same time. And a whopping amount of grey. Married, both he and his wife had fantastic careers and put having children on hold for their jobs. However, his wife, only in her 30's got alzheimer's. Within a few years the woman he loved so dearly no longer recognized him, yet he put is life on hold to nurse and care for her. I remember the conversations we had, the grief he felt, the regrets he had. He went through such grief, such loss, such feelings of loneliness.
Thankfully this man I know met a new woman. Everyone was so happy for him. It was not long before we were at a moving in party to welcome her to his home. Soon she was pregnant with their first child, and then her second. His life was complete again. This was all rather recent. The eldest would be 3 and a half now, the youngest is only and a half. A girl and a boy.
Unfortunately, the mother got post-natal depression and early this year they received a diagnosis of autism for their eldest. I said earlier that love and hurt for some can be the end and this is the reason I said that. The mother took the life of her daughter and had intended on taking her own too.
Now my friend, who is in his 50’s has lost his first love, his first child and his second love is detained in a mental hospital. He has become a single parent and his son has lost his only sister.
What I have told you is very sad and a horrible tragedy, but I have still not told you why I think this man has an amazing ability to deal with grey. The compassion he is showing towards his child’s mother is like nothing I have ever seen before. He completely gets that she was unwell, and he wants his son to grow up with his mother and his father. He visits her often and brings the child too.
What happened is grey, I don’t do grey. I would not be able to deal with my grief and then also forgive and show passion.
When I set out to do this post I started in one direction. Buts its grey right? So, it ended up taking a different direction. Its not the normal type of post by me. But life is short, and things are not always black and white. There are amazing people all around us and we often don’t take the time to show them we care. I have my children, my husband and our health, something I take for granted most of the time. Until I remember the amazing people I know.
There is an amazing couple here on Steemit, and I don’t want to get into their story because it is their story and they are here sharing it with us. @briancourteau and @lynncoyle1. Each time I read their posts it reminds me to take stock, sit back and enjoy what I have. Laugh more and love more. They have an amazing story and personally I would like to thank them for sharing it. Like other amazing people, you have thought me a lot. (if you don’t know their story, please do head over and read their post)
So, to thank you both I have stepped way out of my comfort zone and written this post. Look it contains no data :-) I will be sending you on the pay-out and topping it up so you can have dinner for two, if it makes more it will be two dinners for two. I hope you guys enjoy it. Thank you for sharing your life and story with us.
Xxx
Paula
PS. Shout out to my Hubby. I know he is not reading this cos he doesn't do Steemit but seems we are on the grey and touchy feelie stuff, me loves ya and you are amazing too. xx
Oh @paulag, I don't know what to say, but thank you...and you're welcome :) I love to hear that our story has affected you so profoundly; it seems to bring some sense to something that often makes no sense at all.
Your friend's story is a tragic one, but from the ashes, he truly rises like a phoenix, teaching his son love, compassion and forgiveness. I admire him greatly.
For you, little miss black and white, this post is a mixture of all kinds of shades of gray, but mostly I see love. I of course cried while I read this to Brian, but together we smiled too. Thank you again, from both of us.
Skip the data tonight, and give that sweet hubby and kids of yours a big hug and kiss, and tell them that I think they're all pretty lucky to have you in their lives. xxx
thank you @lynncoyle1 - I am glad there were some smiles with the tears - god knows you have made me cry enough.
hi mom, really I'm surprised to read your post this time, a heart content that I have never found in your writing so far, very motivating to me, very touching to hear the story your post, as long as know you this is your post most make me understand what love and pain, many things that can not tell in steemit but very many benefits that we can through post like this, thank you mom, I am glad to read it😄
@mrday I am full of surprises. See I can write too
Yeah... Death respects no one... I lost a loved one while i was in school. I was so depressed and it was then i understood that i had to build strong family bonds. It pained me so much because i couldn't touch and see them. Maybe everything happens for a reason. One time, i read in a book that life was an employer, for he gives what you ask. But once you've set the wages, why, you must bear the task.
I guess I've never thought of death being gray. I've kind of looked at it as black and white, but from the perspective of inevitability. It's coming no matter what, and that makes it among the truest of the truths.
Maybe that's why so many of us still, with all our technology, knowledge, enlightenment, ever evolving social structures and societal dynamics, still give up what we can't control, like death, to some higher power. We feel like temporal beginnings, with a beginning and an end, but we can't seem to get our head wrapped around the thought that when we die, that's it.
Why can't there be more? So, we start looking for the possibilities of something beyond this life, somewhere a part of us can continue on, and along with it, the associations we've made. Be it true or not, there is comfort in believing that death isn't the big bad absolute it purports to be.
Does that make losing someone any easier? No. We love them and want that association to last, at least until we go. But that's not possible. Humans are generational beings and they have expiration dates that don't often coincide with the generations that follow them. Perhaps if someone dies of unnatural causes, but then it's not a happy time, either.
Tragedy can befall anyone. Some people seem to get more than their fair share. If we could redistribute the tragedy to allow for those of us who aren't so touched by it to bear at least part of the burdens of others, I'm sure we would all have greater love and understanding of one another. I think we would see each other for who we are: if not true brothers and sisters, at least members of the same race—the human race.
Your friend sounds like a truly good person, who deserves much more than life has been dealing him. Maybe someday, he will be rewarded for his kindness and generosity. Maybe the recompense will be far beyond the joy or prosperity that can ever be enjoyed in life. It's probably a little consolation, now, but it's still consolation.
Thanks, @paulag, for stepping out of your comfort zone to share this with the rest of us. :)
The story of @briancourteau and @lynncoyle1 IS really an amazing but very true LOVE story, but the one you share here with us ... Wow so much respect for that man! I knew I would be broken, and not able to deal with this kind of pain and show forgiveness. But you are right, life is not white, life is not black ... and there are so many nuances of grey. But to be grateful for what you DO have is always the best thing to do. Never take something for granted because the things that do matter to the heart can be gone in just one split second.
Thank you @hetty-rowan <3
Amazing writing and inspirational story. I am very happy with your analysis on the gray Emotion section. Like the big dirty clouds floating in the sky blocking the sunlight, emotions can hinder one's judgment. Decisions and irrational behavior are caused by high emotional levels. Love and pain can drive us crazy and for some, that means the end. For others, love means their life and their power to exercise. This is happen to me when I judging the cases in family court. Someone very loves but they do wrong thing when showing a loves, or someone loving someone else but they never show his love until someone see there is no love.
Thanks for this writing @paulag and this is the gift from me to keep spirit.
Brilliant, This had a great message in it overcoming the sad aspects, May that guy get more stronger nd they three can live happily together again. Its early morning here and this really gave me some sort of strength. Thank you for writing this 💯
Awesome post @paulag. I used to think I was pretty black and white. I am finding out there is more gray to life than most of us realize. It is amazing that your friend despite his tragedy is able and willing to try to carry on to make sure his son knows his mother. Sadly, it's the black and white that probably pushed her the direction she chose. More than likely in her mind she saw no other option. She did not want her child to grow up being ridiculed, being different and the sort. So since she wasn't what is considered normal, she didn't want the world to be mean to her. (At least I'm really hoping it's that and not the other to where she didn't want to deal.)
I've already made @lynncoyle1 cry once today. Which is one too many. I completely agree her and @briancorteau have an amazing dynamic, love and so much more. I honestly love them both to pieces. If anyone has not ready any of @briancorteau's posts to his wife and @lynncoyle1's you really need to. This is how a marriage should be. IMO. This is the type of relationship you should dream of having :) Not a Disney fairytale.
Thank you @tryskele; of course @paulag's post made me cry too, but their all good tears, if there is such a thing :) Your words, as always, mean so much. Sending love to you!
so many tears, we gotta stop :-)
@tryskele thank you very much for reading this post and for such a wonderful thoughtful comment.
I don't think anyone knows how to cope when a love one is lost. I guess the best thing to do is not fall apart.
This is a great post. Your heart comes through loud and clear.
My problem with emotions is that its ether in a storm or the sun is shinning.
@wolfhart thank you so much for reading
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