The Wrong Ideology of "Wife Material"
The other day, there was no water in my hostel, so, I went outside to fevtch. Now, I have very fragile bones, I can't be messing with my arms, I decided it would be safer if I put the keg of water on my head(advantage of having a big head, shey?).
Well, I found someone and together, we balanced the keg on my head. Some dude saw me and sent me a message afterwards saying: Keji, you're a wife material o. If it were to be other girls, they would be forming.
Me(feigning ignorance): what did Keji do o?
Him: I saw the way you put keg of water on your head nah
Me: In your mind now, you would be thinking you're making sense o. Mtchew......
Why does our society still justify a good wife qualities by the amount of suffering she passes through?
Ideally, with the level of civilization the world is experiencing, someone in Africa is thinking a woman is a better wife material because she can put keg of water on her head. Is suffering synonymous to being a wife?
A girl says she doesn't like grinding stone, you shame her for it, a girl says she likes using washing machine, you shame her for it. A girl says she doesn't like pounding yam, you shame her for it.
Lets imagine with the level of education and all the stress a lady passed through in school right now just to be successful in life, if she cannot afford to make like easier for herself. If she cannot afford a blender, a washing machine, a pounding machine, then, She would be a disgrace to herself , to her family, and to her struggles!
- I have read stories of how men tested his fiance by asking her to sleep in kitchen and she obeyed and he was convinced he could marry her...
- An argument was on on social media few weeks ago saying a woman that cannot cook soup with 500 naira is not a good wife material.
So, I ask myself how many men out there can build a duplex with 10,000 naira?
Would you date business mogul's daughter and be testing her with Poverty?
Some ladies know what they want in life, it is not pride, it is not gold digging, it is called standard. Test a lady with Poverty and watch her leave you, not everyone can cope with Poverty.
I have heard a father saying if his son brings a lady home, he will pack all his dirty clothes outside and if the lady doesn't come to wash them, his son will not marry her. In my mind, I was like, father you will marry your son at last, sir.
Whose daughter do you want to turn to your slave?
If men will keep judging a good wife with how well she can absorb Poverty and suffering, certainly poverty and suffering will keep following such individual since that is what such man desires.
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To me ,a good wife is someone who will love and support you not necessarily someone who can put up with poverty and stress.
Yes, we know our mothers suffered, used grinding stones, went to the river, pounded yam and all. But this is the life of technology and advancement, there are ideas and innovations to make life comfortable for ourselves. Stop shaming ladies who seek comfort. Except you have the ambition to be poor, you should have no reason compulsorily searching for a lady who can cook soup with 500 naira.
My Point here
- A lady fully capable of doing several household chores perfectly and in time does not mean she is a good house wife
- A lady that cannot do general household chores perfectly and in time should not be regarded as a bad house wife
- Moreover , fulfilling full responsibility to household chores perfectly and in time is a compulsory attribute of a good wife
- There is more to being a good wife apart from doing household chores and enduring with poverty- there are several characteristics of a virtuous good woman
https://steemit.com/writing/@olanrewaju/the-wrong-ideology-of-wife-material-2017922t223239694z
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This is going to be an interesting one. You call is suffering but i don't think a woman fetching water is suffering. Here in Africa, water is luxury. You have to consider the financial pocket of the man. A poor man wife will fetch water and put on her head - it is the situation on ground. A rich man wife whose borehole is faulty will ask someone to help her fetch. But what happens when there is no one around and she needs to eat and take care of the family?
Wife material is over exaggerated. However, some qualities in them 'tells' you which one will stay when things go wrong, or which one will drink garri with you when there is no chicken.
This is Africa and it is technology that makes things easy for us.
So tell us those qualities that you think make a good wife or wife material because you are yet to do so.
Thanks.
Thank you sir
The article here is not to illustrate the characteristics of a good wife but to challenge the mentality that a good wife must be all round when he it comes household chores
Characteristics of a good wife are endless and unique to individual reasoning and tolerating ability
The characteristics laid down by myself maybe quite different from yours
And besides who set the standards for a good wife?
My cry here is a good virtuous woman will definitely be a good wife
Thanks
Nice post. I am a woman but if asked to talk about good wife material, i will write pages. But in all if i were a man, what i will cherish most in my wife to call her a good wife material is that one that embraces my family. My family feels safe and free to come around her and my house. Same with her family. I love family, any woman you marry and turns you against your family, to me is not fit to be in a man's heart let alone in his house. What about the one tht is appreciative of me and whatever i have to offer, and so the list goes on. So what makes a good wife to one man does not thrill another. Even a woman who cooks well is enough for some, whether she beats up his mother is immaterial. so nice work @Olanwaju n nice observation too @smyle. To me, you both have your aguement.
Thanks for passing by
The list is really endless but to journey will "death do us apart" illustrates a good wife material not at the beginning of the journey
ŤThis wife material of a thing have also lead to pretense by some ladies.
People really misunderstand it,i like the way you took your analysis.
There is more to a good wife than heavy house chores
Thanks dear
You got my picture here
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The phrase in wedding vows that says 4 better for worse is d reason people feel a good wife material is synonymous with suffering.
The idea behind so called testing of a prospective wife with small amount of money to cook is to ascertain if she can still manage to provide food for her household with little cash when things get hard. Its not necessarily poverty mind but since life is filled with ups and down, one needs a companion who can always adjust to the economic situation. In pilling community clothes to tempt her, it a no no for me. If you need a maid hire one than waiting for who you'll tempt.
For me, perfectly predetermining who will be a good wife is an impossible thing. Needs evolve, and so do human behaviours. There is also the issue of pretence and then possible back-slide in standards. Choosing a wife, whether she is viewed as likely to be good or not, remains a risk, just as relationships are a risk. But you have a very valid argument, @olanrewaju. If a woman is solution-oriented in her marriage, it is enough. Noone has the right to demand that her solutions must come from a fixed path of unnecessary exertion and labour.