"Don't Offend or Hurt Anyone's Feelings": Is This Even Possible or Valid?
The general idea to not set out to purposefully hurt anyone's feelings is okay, but to not ever hurt anyone's feelings is not realistic.
Are we not permitted to honestly say things in a discussion that can unfortunately produce negative feelings in others?
Should we be so focused on the possibility of being "triggered" and "offended"* by a variety of things, as if we have some entitlement or "right" to never have our feelings hurt, ever?
Are we to focus on the immediate momentary feelings where anything can "trigger" someone who doesn't want to hear something -- even if it is true -- because it clashes with their erroneous thinking or beliefs?
What about someone's long-term well-being? Where does that fit in?
If we let people go unchallenged on their erroneous opinions or beliefs, is letting them accept something false as true really in their best interest?
Do we let people be "happy" to live in a fantasy of make-belief, simply to let them keep "feeling-good" about themselves and how they see the world?
When we have discussions, we can confront and argue against someone's argument or proposition. This can upset them in the present moment, and make them angry at us.
But these discussions and arguments can bring greater clarity and well-being in the long-term. We can help people to see the error of their ways and prevent them from continuing along a false path or way. They can do the same for us.
If we are to become focused on everyone's individual delicate sensibilities, how far will we get in saying what we have to say? How much free speech will we then have?
Again, I don't mean to express ourselves in a way that is purposefully hurtful. Even though that may happen, where someone gets emotionally "hurt", it shouldn't be our goal to be hurtful. We can engage in hard topics of conversation in order to set people straight on the bullshit (falsity) they believe in that often motivates their behavior. This is not cruel or hurtful by intent. The intent is to help them see things better, and let go of falsity.
We can work our way towards a more fulfilling life by letting go of the wrong we are attached to. We have to be willing to sacrifice some temporary well-being in the present moment, to give up a "feel-good" state in the short-term and feel some pain, in order to face the falsity, incorrectness or wrong, and put it to "death" so that we can be reborn anew, resurrected and rise into a new life better, stronger and wiser than before.
Many social justice warriors think that they can actually create a world were you're not allowed to offend or hurt anyone's feelings. They don't understand that they are fighting for something that is unreal, although it's a nice "dream" to wish for.
We can't accommodate everyone's predilections, desires, wants or wishes to be able to prevent offending every single person on the planet. Trying to ban, make illegal or criminalize certain forms of communication will only hurt the ability to share information and learn from each other in discussions. Humanity will go downwards, not progress forward as a result.
- What do you think of the socialistic push towards banning offensive words or speech?
- Do you think society should seriously consider adopting offense and hurt-feelings as some kind of violation (or even a crime)?
- Do it seem like we are in a twilight zone?
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Sure, it is possible.
But not from the end SJWs are trying to push.
If everyone enjoyed the art of verbal confrontation, because every time they did so they learned something new about themselves and the world.
When strange viewpoints are sought out because of the joy found in contrast with yours, then no one could be offended.
However, this path requires us to destroy our govern-cement schooling system. Which forces into a right/wrong paradigm. Where YOU are good or bad depending on your stance. The T-F test should be banned. And the multiple choice test should be frowned upon.
Then, we would have a world where no one would get offended.
Yeah that's true, if we stop letting ourselves get offended then people could say things without offending because we wouldn't get offended, then there is no issue.
I Love this and agree.
No one is responsible for your feelings except you . And I love that you outline the importance of not purposely being mean
I keep seeing that side of the spectrum as well. Where people believe that being "honest" is being outright mean, And that's not necessarily the case.
Most of us have become somewhat restricted in what we can say because of everyone getting offended. And no one should be banned for saying anything.
Was it you or someone else being harassed a year or so ago?
Should you have just been "responsible for your feelings?" Or, if my memory is faulty and it was another girl, should she have been?
It's very easy to say you should be responsible for your feelings, but in practice it can turn into victim blaming real quick.
I haven't been harassed,
I think you are talking about someone else.
Well said. Thanks for the feedback :)
Telling the truth and maintaing others feelings don’t actually contadict each other. You still can tell someone about the falsity of their beliefs without hearting his feelings. It requires a slight change in your attitude, his perception and the collective mind of the society.
Regarding you (the one who tell the truth);
1- It is not what you say it is how you say it and are you just shock him with the truth or you give a good argument?
2- Keeping in mind that everyone is correct as far as what he knows. It is not about his illusion or ignorance, it is about the convection itself. Don’t personalize the depate.
3- People are more likely to listen carefully to you if they are listened to and feel understood.
4- every conviction can be approached from different angles, make sure you both share the same ground.
Good points to consider. There are still things that can be said nicely, but are a shock to people who can get offended anyways. The offense of hard truths can indeed be lessened when delivered differently. Thanks for the feedback.
Wonderful discussion. I do feel that people are becoming "too sensative". There is a point when a person needs to check themselves and take responsability for their feelings. People, statemetns, words and actions, can inlfuence me, however the response that I share is "all mine".
The power is in being "unaffected" by others, while still channelling their behaviors.
Ultimately, its your life, so if you don't like something - avoid it, leave it, or change the channel.
You have the power within to decide what happens around you - most of the time.
Hello @krnel
As I read your post, I felt it deep. I'm a person who doesn't keep shut whenever I see ill or something not right and I tend to say the truth that will eventually be hurtful. But it's for the best.
Sometimes to correct a erroneous beliefs (my friends and I call it puss) , one doesn't need to use offensive words. But sometimes, the offensive speech/words is the only way to correct such erroneous belief. There should just be a standard or something like that.
I don't think offensive words should be banned but a offensive speech meter or something of such can be made available. And offensive speeches shouldnt be a crime except if it's extreme.
@learnandteach01
Truth can hurt. There are hard truths people don't want to face.
I think there is a demarcation to be made from speech than can interpreted as offensive, willfully offensive with the intent to insult and hurt, and outright abusive speech. Where one starts and the other one ends can be tricky to detect ;)
Thanks for the feedback.
"What do you think of the socialistic push towards banning offensive words or speech?"
It is fascism to say the least and criminal at its worst.
"Do you think society should seriously consider adopting offense and hurt-feelings as some kind of violation (or even a crime)?"
Absolutely not, as you stated in the post, it us unrealistic to expect a person to be aware of every person's "predilections, desires, wants or wishes".
"Do it seem like we are in a twilight zone?"
Yes, sometimes I think so, especially when I watch the talking heads on the news and watch the toxic dialogue on Facebook and Twitter.
Hehe, thanks for the feedback :)
No problem, thanks for the thought provoking post.
I think society as a whole has become way too sensitive. Yes, you should generally not try to hurt someone's feelings and be reasonably thoughtful when you speak or act so as to avoid accidentally doing so. But "reasonable" is the key word. What society has come to demand seems completely unreasonable nowadays...
Yup, being reasonable is good. No matter how much you use reason though, people can always not like what you say and get offended regardless of the intent to use reason and not willfully be hurtful. The demands that support the SJW side are indeed unreasonable :) Thanks for the feedback.
We're definitely floundering around in the twilight zone when we are looking to legislation to protect us from hurt feelings. Whatever happened to 'sticks and stones can break my bones but names can never hurt me'?
This cannot end well......a slippery slope leading to at best reeducation camps for those daring to call a spade a spade.
Names can hurt, but at the psychological level. Abusive speech and words can cause trauma. Physical hurt is another thing that can also cause psychological trauma. Name calling isn't a nice thing to do, which is what that childhood motto is more about. I'm more talking about truthful information hurting and offending people that "can't handle the truth" ;) Thanks for the feedback.
Great post, It’s easy to slip into people pleasing people, thinking we’re doing good by never really confronting others, but like you say it’s always better to expose truth longterm. Thank you for the inspirational post!
You're welcome, thank you for the feedback :)
https://steemit.com/steemit/@skeptic/comedy-open-mic-round-2-steemit-lifer-truth
xD
I don't know anyone who thinks that.
I don't see that happening. What I see happening is people fighting against purposefully hateful comments, like speeches about removing entire races from the country. There is some shock and outrage expressed when someone says something accidentally hurtful, but I've never seen a requested ban on such things.
No, absolutely not. Return question: Do you think a group of people should not point out when something is offensive to them?
Only when I hear conservatives describe "liberals."
As to your second comments, see: Purdue University Teaching Guide Says to Remove All "MAN" Words from Being Used
People can point out they are offended, sure.
I don't entirely agree with them but also well, that's not quite what it says.
This is a guide which is inherently not a law or a ban, it's a suggestion. It's also geared towards academic writing, such as when writing a research paper.
Lastly, it's talking about certain "generic" terms like "mankind," and suggesting alternatives. (Note to of the alternatives have "man" in them!)
Note that in a couple places it makes similar points about traditionally female-gendered occupations like stewardess and nurse.
So, again I don't think we should be banning words... but claiming that a style guide, with suggestions for a specific type of writing, is banning words seems like a bit of a stretch.
That's what I see in all this though, certain groups will take anything that looks even remotely bad and claim it's far worse in order to villify an opposing group.
The original word 'man'had nothing to do with gender. It was gender neutral from the beginning but social justice feminists turned it into an evil word that only represented males. Human is the original meaning of 'man'. And yeah I already know, I'm a misogynist because I am not conforming to new age fantasy feminist rules.
I'm aware, which is why I started mu comment stating that I don't entirely agree.
Maybe it's time to drop your persecution complex and actually read/consider what I actually said.
No need to get angry and personal based on a neutral comment I made. Maybe you need read my comment before accusing others of the same thing...It might help your 'style guide' (a trickster phrase which is the same thing as banning words. No one is being fooled there).
You think that was neutral? LOL.
In your world of extremism it wasn't neutral. You got angry and flustered because your sly rhetoric and propagandistic term 'style guide' (which means banning words) in a social engineering form, was deconstructed and exposed for what it is. Now you go write you little 'style guide' for society, because obviously you are in charge of what people should and should not think or say #authoritarian. Goodbye forever!