How to change a habit
Habits start to build since we are little. Some of them will get deprecated in time, some will not. We will get new ones, consciously or not.
We will amaze or annoy the ones around us with some of our habits but the strongest feeling is that we cannot escape them.
Actually we can, in 4 very clear step. Not an easy process, not a short one either. But deserves the struggle if it's a habit affecting ourselves, others or our relationship with them.
1. Self Observation
Maybe you are aware of a specific behavior, maybe not. But for sure you cannot say how often you're doing it. And you'll tent to reduce the number. Logic, as for you is a habit so less conscious thinking about it when doing it.
I will take as example my habit developed in the last year: Checking my phone all the time. This is something I want now to change.
Self observation means that I am becoming more aware of this habit, especially about how often it happens, when it happens and how I feel before. I don't try to change nothing yet, just notice.
First, I won't be able to notice it until it happened, in my case I will find myself with the phone in my hand, entering the password.
In time, the moment when I realize this get's closer and closer to the moment I take the unconscious choice to open my phone.
I usually set this observation period for around a month, depending how old my habit is.
2. Realization
This is THE MOMENT. And I will have now the possibility to choose consciously. This is the realization moment, when I am in control of my behavior and I don't act on auto-pilot, is bringing back from the unconscious mind something that I want to look at and change.
This does mean a lot but it's not enough to stop here.
Most of us get the aha moment and we think that from that point everything will be changed. It won't. It's just the beginning of the change and the real work starts now.
3. Re-Organization
As said before, from here we have to work and to be resilient. The risk to quit my good intentions is maximized in this point as after the happiness that came with my aha moment I become aware that it was just an aha and my habit is still strong.
Now I will become more and more aware of the moments I tend to take my phone but this won't happen always. When I am tired, under pressure or emotional, I won't be able to control the habit and it will happen again. It's normal, no change comes immediately, we have to rewire the brain.
The sometimes will become often and the often will become most of the time. At this point I can say I have a new "habit" of not using my phone so often. Maybe with this will arise a new behavior, wanted or not. Maybe I'll hold my hand in the pocket, maybe I will take a pen with me or anything else to supply the past activity or maybe I will be able to keep that space empty.
4. Identification
For a period of time both habits will be with me, the old one and the new one I want to built. Depending on how old the initial habit was and how strongly written (how often it manifested) the process can take weeks or months.
The most important in all this change is my attitude towards myself. I have to be kind and patient. I have to trust myself that I can make the change and if at this point is too hard to give me the necessary time to do it.
Disclaimer
A habit change is just a habit change. If I want to understand what triggered the initial behavior I have to look for more. In my case, for example, I use my phone a lot when I feel ignored or I want to disconnect from the context as it's not the place to be for me. It happens also when I am under the impression that I will loose a lot of important information if I'm not permanently connected to my phone. So I end up loosing a lot of important information not being connected to my reality.
A habit, no matter how bad it is, is there because once it filled some space and we needed it. Our brain/ body will always tend to minimize the effort so everything we do by default we do because it makes sense, or at least it made sense some time ago.
What is that habit you want to change?
This is a tough subject.actualy I think it's almost impossible to remove a habit but you can easily replace it. Because when a trigger for a habit ocur it generate a energy/tension and you should consume it doing something...
Yes, I agree. If you work only on the behavioral level than you will replace it with something else. If you go find the cause you can remove the tension that triggered any need to do something at that point.
anything is possible :)
upvoted and
followed ,
thanks for sharing
glad you found it useful:)
Lovely article on introspection. How to better yourself by looking inwardly :)
thank you, Raymond! The change starts from us, not from the ones around and you seem to already know this:)
I do :)
Well said, @alinamarin, well said. For a new habit to come into our lifes, an old must go. We need to take the ones that don't bring us any further down and embrace the positive changes.
Sometimes the old ones don't want to go. They are stuck on us and are very stubborn. But we can overcome them by being more stubborn.
Thank you for the post.
welcome:)) yeey, I promote stubbornness. What is more important, for me at least is to accept first that habit and to be grateful that I once had it. And just after that let it go and bring another one
Its vary hard to change a habit, because you literary need to rewire you brain. And the brain is one lazy mofo, he doesn't want to lose energy. He be like - why do you want to change your habits, we are surviving this shit, no need for that. Maybe a new habit will lead us to death, please don't change anything. So you kind need about 90 days to prove to him that's all good.
:)) yes, he is not lazy, just saving energy for our survival. it's a smart guy and you have to be persuasive to convince him to rewrite itself. Which is not bad, it won't be good for us to have it changed to rapidly.
Oh my god, I think I am... perfect!
Oh no, wait, I spend too much time reading SteemIt and commenting. =)
Add
Oh, come on! Stealing my joke!
:)) as long as you don't hurt anyone by doing it you're still perfect :P
Awesome article!.. Nice one
Great to connect with you!
Hope you're having a great day!
Just followed you my friend
Awesome article
Tell me how can you control "Steemit habit" ? HA ! Let's see you now.
working on this also now, future post related to it:)
I used to twirl my curls... which was cute compared to what it has turned into: pulling out my hair. So now I wear various hats to keep my left hand from finding its way to the back of my head. I literally developed a bald spot in grad school from this habit. It will still rear its ugly head nowadays if I get stressed but I'm pretty good at spotting it before it gets too bad and knit hats are just part of my work life now:)
It would be interested to remember why did you started and how you felt back then when doing it. I'm almost sure that now you don't have the same need/ gain from this habit. It could help in understanding the basic of it. Thanks for the comment:)
Studying and reading. I think it was my way of tolerating the unnatural demands of sitting still for extended periods. Now it creeps up when I have deadlines and a lot of work to do in a short time and have to force myself to sit still and work. Or so it seems... It happens less now, now that I am better at managing time.
how did you enhanced your time management?
That took years to learn; but it was a combination of quitting things like social media (I've been facebook free for 3 years), online shopping, and playing "procrastination" games. Then I started getting my hardest work (i.e. writing) done first thing in the morning so I wasn't "cramming" every night. And specifically, relating to my restless hands, I began doing more activities that engaged both of my hands like gardening, cooking, and crocheting.
A lot of new habits there and a continuous work. I feel you about being restless, it's my biggest saboteur and I try also to use my hands more in physical activities. This calms me down. Thanks for sharing