RE: Psychology Addict # 47 | Putting Ourselves in Other’s Shoes
My answer: yes. Absolutely.
Ahahahah , I have a special appreciation for honest people! 😆
Well, I briefly discussed some of the observations you made here with @dysfunctional, actually. However, we didn't go into the subtle differences of definition and behavior elicited by empathy and pity that you explained here so richly.
I do agree with you when you say that humans in general tend to get so involved with the suffering of others that the line between 'my pain' and 'your pain' gets blurred. Personally, I have seen cases of people who get in trouble with that. They completely lose sight and their sense of perspective, until they are surprised with the statement 'please stop! you are crossing the line'. This becomes so confusing to them, because from their point of view, all they believe they were doing was helping. But, again, using your words, that distance was no longer there anymore, and what initially began as an apparent act of help it turned into intrusion. It took me a while to learn this is a fine line to cross.
And the questions you delivered here (eg. "What do you intend to do? How do you want to deal with it?") are indeed great tools to avoid that from taking place. In my opinion they help to keep the reality of the context in check: This is your suffering, your pain. I understand them and it is through my emphatic understanding I can relate to it, but it wouldn't be right to make them my own. Neither for me, nor for you!
Ps: As a general rule I see my family every year. Even since I left my country (nearly 15 years) only once that wasn't possible to happen :)
Wishing you a great afternoon :*
Much love to you always and always ...
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Thank you, Abi, you put some good additions to this. I would call it the "helper syndrome" which does stretch itself not only between two people but as well between nations resp. cultures - it can be found in systems on a broader scale.
I learned only later in life, that helping does not mean to confuse the despair of another with my own and that I don't have to crack my mind and break my heart in looking for solutions. Don't know if I mentioned it already but my teacher once said to me, the moment I get exhausted and all caught up in a persons case that I ignore the persons own resources and abilities to find a way out of his misery. Let the client do his work.
I simply have to ask the other. That shows my trust in his ability to come up with own solutions. And who am I to know it better anyway? ;-)
The surprise you mention (thank you, that is such a fine example) to have crossed a border can be so embarrassing to a person. But even though it is a needed reaction and mostly people keep that in mind when a counter reaction was strong enough to show that there is a difference between pity and empathy. Once in a while we all need to be "disturbed" when the line was being crossed.
Will you get to see your family on Christmas?
Bye, dear Abi. Have a good evening:)
Next family gathering only in March 2019 now! ;)
Hey @erh.germany
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What a day, I was thinking "Huh ... where is this now coming from?" After the @curie now another treat?" Funny day, today. Thank you! Much appreciated. Have to thank @abigail-dantes, as well, as she is my lucky charm here. :)
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