Psychology Addict # 47 | Putting Ourselves in Other’s Shoes
Dear Reader, please beware this post briefly discusses a fire catastrophe and job losses.
It was last Sunday at two o’clock in the morning when I woke up to the overwhelming smell of smoke. I got up and walked around the house to check if everything was fine. The wind was really strong that night, and that was all one could hear. A couple of hours later, however, the noise made by the police sirens, and helicopters awoke the entire neighbourhood.
A devastating fire had started up in the hills and it was rushing down towards the beach. The fight against the furious blaze that engulfed people’s homes lasted nearly 12 hours 1. I spent the following morning reading updates of what was going on. In parallel, I also watched my neighbours go about their normal lives as they left their homes for the beach, the golf course and so forth.
Didn’t they feel for the men and women that were caught up in the catastrophe?
But, what did I expect? That everyone dropped their children and family to do the job that was already being done by the police, fire brigade and the authorities? Was there a need for that? The time for some charitable actions was about to come, and they would also probably join in. I then recalled the words of psychologist Paul Bloom: “our best hope for the future is not to get people to think of all humanity as family.” 2 You see, Bloom makes a case against empathy!
It was Alfred Adler who beautifully explained empathy as the capacity of “seeing with the eyes of another, listening with the ears of another, and feeling with the heart of another.”
This, nevertheless, is an ability that goes a little deeper than our eyes, ears and heart, as it also happens at a neurological level. See, there is a region in our brain (the anterior cingulate), which activates when we perceive and experience the pain of others 3.
If you are anything like me, upon discovering the biological roots of a psychological process, this same question will pop into your head: why do we feel it?
The Reason Why We Feel Empathy
I remember reading about an American business man called Al Dunlap, who, despite his wealth and entrepreneurial skills, is mostly known for closing down factories on the behalf of toilet-paper manufacturers Scott. This unpleasant duty would not seem out of the ordinary if it wasn’t for the apparent joy and quips Dunlap displayed when firing manual workers and executives alike.
You may have a fancy sports car, but I will tell you what you don’t have. A job!
His astounding lack of empathy earned him a place in an article about possible psychopathic CEOs written by the business Magazine Fast Company 5. I hope you know where I am going with this, you can see why empathy is a basic important ability. Imagine if everyone around you, from your family, neighbourhood and work environment, were not empathic towards others?
Would we live in a world deprived of prosocial behaviours such as volunteering, cooperation, rescuing, comforting, and so forth?
Cognitive & Emotional Empathy
But, there is a little bit more to empathy than its emotional aspect - which is when we perceive what others might be feeling in a particular situation and experience it ourselves, “in our hearts”.
As much as empathy is about emotions, it is also about cognition. It is through cognitive empathy that we can assess given circumstances, and evaluate what others might be feeling. We might not feel in our guts the despair that the strangers who lost their homes to the fire feel, but we can estimate it based on what we see they went through.
Someone in the position of Al Dunlap, for example, should draw understanding from at least cognitive empathy when breaking the bad news to those individuals about to lose their jobs. That would yield a type of behaviour that is deemed to be humane and socially acceptable. Even Bloom, who calls out for deliberation and reason, regards empathy as ‘a measure of our humanity’. After all, empathy helps us to resort to moral reasoning and determine whether a thought or action is right or wrong.
Further, when you know that even rats respond with empathy to other rats’ distress without expecting rewards 6 you understand why feeling empathy towards others indicates full psychological development.
Take young children, for instance. They do not demonstrate cognitive and emotional empathy as adults do. As my family is now well aware!
In a gathering that happened a few years back, my cousin’s son, who was 4 at the time, was ‘proposed to’ by Sylvia, a family friend, then, in her 50’s. She excitedly asked him in front of everyone “Oh Lucas, do you want to be my boyfriend?”, just to hear “No, you are too ugly!”. 😳 Everyone around just wanted to stop existing, of course, except Lucas, who continued to busy himself with his toys on the sofa.
Thankfully, for Lucas (and those who he deems unattractive), his empathic abilities won’t always be that limited, as longitudinal studies found that the capacity of ‘putting themselves in other’s shoes’ becomes more acute (and reparative) from the age of 2, and continues to be refined from there onwards 7.
The Influence of Social Factors on Empathy
However, as we grow old several factors interfere with how we evaluate the pain of others. One of these factors is common autobiographic memories 8. For example, one of the reasons why, in comparison to my neighbours, I may have felt more for those afflicted by the forest fire is because I, myself, have been through a natural disaster of great proportion (which I briefly discussed in a previous post). Indeed, ‘mutual understanding’ is one of the foundations of empathy.
See, yet another factor that influence our judgments of other’s suffering is shared group membership. A study carried out in 2012 revealed that while we are able to empathise with the physical pain of other fellow human beings, irrespective of whether we belong to the same group or not (eg. nationality, ethnicity, political parties), things change when it comes to social pain (e.g learning that someone lost their job), which evaluation of suffering is higher when the victim shares one’s group membership 9.
In the study, Italian individuals were asked to rank the physical and social pain that members of 3 other groups of people felt, from 0 to 10. Group 1 - were Italians, 2- Chinese and 3 Ecuadorians. Upon finding that we are more likely to socially empathize with people that are ‘like us’ the researchers concluded that this is something that also explains a propensity we have to ‘dehumanize’ out-group members. After all, most of us also empathise with the physical pain of non-human animals.
These findings are invaluable because they offer some insight into why intergroup conflicts begin and escalate. That is why this aspect of empathy is addressed by many as its ‘dark side’.
Can We Learn To Be Empathic?
So, that is one of the reasons why the question ‘can empathy be taught?’ is a relevant one. Social psychologists, for example, question whether developing interventions that address empathic understanding in order to prevent intergroup sociocultural issues would bring about some solutions.
Of course, this would have to be possible to be achieved at the level of the individual. It is accepted that we are all born with the capacity to be empathic towards others (including psychopaths, as recent research results suggest 10). Nevertheless, it has been stated that empathy is also something that we are able to learn throughout our lives.
This is true particularly for young children, who need to be clearly and explicitly informed about the negative as well as positive consequences of their actions. Perhaps most importantly, children need to be treated empathically and witness empathic behaviour taking place in their environment.
But, what about for those of us whose childhood years are long gone? Is there hope?
Within psychology there are those who believe that the answer to this question is a straight-forward yes, but there are also those who believe things are not that simple 11. Still, even the naysayers present options of behaviours that we can adopt to facilitate (cultivate) this psychological process; eg. nonjudgmental responses 12.
➺ Have you ever found yourself responding judgmentally towards someone who was in clear distress?
So, this is when we will need to resort to the different forms of empathy we discussed earlier in this post: cognitive and emotional. As, for some of us, it might be that that ‘ability to put ourselves in other’s shoes’ needs to be reviewed. How to start? Well, what about beginning to pay attention to people? How about practising your listening skills? Even if you cannot actually personally experience the distress or suffering of the person you are dealing with (emotional empathy), you have the capacity to make an intellectual evaluation about what they might be going through based on the information available (cognitive empathy). Surely an important process to have experience on.
Because, you know, empathy is at the heart of healthy, fulfilling relationships; which in turn, are the basic elements of a meaningful existence.
Image Source: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8
Reference List:
1 Un enorme incendio cerca la Sierra de Sintra, a 30 kilómetros de Lisboa.
3 How do we perceive the pain of others? A window into the neural processes involved in empathy.
6 Empathy and Pro-Social Behavior in Rats
7 Development of concern for others.
8 Eliciting Empathy for Adults in Chronic Pain through Autobiographical Memory Sharing
10 Coldhearted Psychopaths Feel Empathy Too
11,12 What is empathy, and can empathy be taught?.
My Dear Reader,
It means the world to me that you take some of your time to read my writings. So, thank you so, so much. Now, if you have a couple of extra minutes I would like to hear your opinion about the following statement someone shared with me when making a case against empathy.
✦What is your view on this?
✦Have you ever come across the notion that empathy can also be harmful?
I wish you all a wonderful weekend 😊
Some Abigail-reading-time after I just got home from a weekend with my family:)
Smile. My answer: yes. Absolutely.
It's really a great task to not do that. In my practice I am aware not falling into this trap. Within personal relationships it's much harder.
In German, we distinguish between the terms "empathy" ("with-feeling") and "pity" ("with-suffering") in normal usage. While compassion (empathy) allows me to maintain a healthy distance from what happens to another person, which is beneficial for my subjective sense of well-being, pity makes me feel too close and, as a result, I find myself under the same stress as the other is experiencing. This distinction may not be generally accepted, but it is likely to be widespread among pedagogues and social workers, counsellors and therapists.
So one could understand the statement "To go into someone's shoes is to take his shoes" in this way: If someone else's pain makes me walk in his shoes so much that I melt with pity and make his pain my own, then I don't see that person anymore, I only see myself and my own pain. The other person's pain is then no longer of special importance to me, because I identify myself completely with the pain I have observed.
If, for example, a friend grieves to death and desperately reports something that has happened to her and I slip into my own grief because of the grief she has suffered, then I am no longer of help to her, I cannot be, because I reactivated my own despair and helplessness in this moment. For example, if in this state I advised her to do something drastic, I would probably not really speak to my friend, but let my own feelings dominate, which made me consider this or any other unthought-through action.
I believe that this happens very often and that we take over other people's shoes to put them on. There is a funny saying here: "Don't put on that shoe". By that we actually mean that we should leave something (take a distance) to something that doesn't suit (us).
But to feel like we're walking in each other's shoes is different. It is to be able to change perspective and imagine feelings in the right measure of the other without feeling exaggerated suffering. I would say compassion (empathy) resists a judgment about someone's situation. If I manage to free myself from a judgment, then I don't advise and I don't suggest how another person can change his situation, but my interest is in the self-regulating forces of the other person. I ask: "What do you intend to do? How do you want to deal with it?" or "What have you done in order to get better in a former situation, similar to this?" Or I don't say anything at all and think about what would be good for the other person to do for him. For example a hug or silence or holding the hand. I must know him and know what he would like and only do this if I do not force it on myself.
In my training this was one of the traps discussed, into which a consultant can be drawn. If I notice that I am getting into the stress of another, then it is advisable to distance myself internally in order to keep a clear view of the situation. Nevertheless, I can feel deep compassion. Because without it I would not be able to respond appropriately to the emotional situation of my counterpart. For example, I don't need to melt with sadness when a client tells me about a recently deceased person. But I do remember what helped me in this or a similar loss. There is a difference whether I think of cried through nights or of what was healing for me to get over a loss.
The same applies to moments of bliss of others. For example, if someone enthusiastically tells me about his success, I don't have to jump into the air myself and dance through the room screaming, it's enough to heartily congratulate the other for the happiness he has experienced and to mean it.
Have a good week, Abi!
Hi erh.germany,
Visit curiesteem.com or join the Curie Discord community to learn more.
That got me very much surprised this morning. Have not seen it coming:)
Thank you human curator & have a great day, too!
Great things, happen to great people! :)
💋 :)
Ahahahah , I have a special appreciation for honest people! 😆
Well, I briefly discussed some of the observations you made here with @dysfunctional, actually. However, we didn't go into the subtle differences of definition and behavior elicited by empathy and pity that you explained here so richly.
I do agree with you when you say that humans in general tend to get so involved with the suffering of others that the line between 'my pain' and 'your pain' gets blurred. Personally, I have seen cases of people who get in trouble with that. They completely lose sight and their sense of perspective, until they are surprised with the statement 'please stop! you are crossing the line'. This becomes so confusing to them, because from their point of view, all they believe they were doing was helping. But, again, using your words, that distance was no longer there anymore, and what initially began as an apparent act of help it turned into intrusion. It took me a while to learn this is a fine line to cross.
And the questions you delivered here (eg. "What do you intend to do? How do you want to deal with it?") are indeed great tools to avoid that from taking place. In my opinion they help to keep the reality of the context in check: This is your suffering, your pain. I understand them and it is through my emphatic understanding I can relate to it, but it wouldn't be right to make them my own. Neither for me, nor for you!
Ps: As a general rule I see my family every year. Even since I left my country (nearly 15 years) only once that wasn't possible to happen :)
Wishing you a great afternoon :*
Much love to you always and always ...
❀ ❤
Thank you, Abi, you put some good additions to this. I would call it the "helper syndrome" which does stretch itself not only between two people but as well between nations resp. cultures - it can be found in systems on a broader scale.
I learned only later in life, that helping does not mean to confuse the despair of another with my own and that I don't have to crack my mind and break my heart in looking for solutions. Don't know if I mentioned it already but my teacher once said to me, the moment I get exhausted and all caught up in a persons case that I ignore the persons own resources and abilities to find a way out of his misery. Let the client do his work.
I simply have to ask the other. That shows my trust in his ability to come up with own solutions. And who am I to know it better anyway? ;-)
The surprise you mention (thank you, that is such a fine example) to have crossed a border can be so embarrassing to a person. But even though it is a needed reaction and mostly people keep that in mind when a counter reaction was strong enough to show that there is a difference between pity and empathy. Once in a while we all need to be "disturbed" when the line was being crossed.
Will you get to see your family on Christmas?
Bye, dear Abi. Have a good evening:)
Next family gathering only in March 2019 now! ;)
Hey @erh.germany
Here's a tip for your valuable feedback! @Utopian-io loves and incentivises informative comments.
Contributing on Utopian
Learn how to contribute on our website.
Want to chat? Join us on Discord https://discord.gg/h52nFrV.
Vote for Utopian Witness!
What a day, I was thinking "Huh ... where is this now coming from?" After the @curie now another treat?" Funny day, today. Thank you! Much appreciated. Have to thank @abigail-dantes, as well, as she is my lucky charm here. :)
❤
Oh Dear Erika :)
I just wanted to let you know I've seen your comment!
I will be available to reply to you tomorrow :*
I trust you had an awesome weekend :)
Thanks for letting me know.
Yes, had such a good weekend. Love my family. How often do you see yours?
Oh! Hello! Hello Abi! I've been waiting for your Friday's post 😊
I didn't know that empathy is divided in two, I admit it is something that troubles me because sometimes although I do understand how stressful and painful a situation may be for someone, I seem to be too "absorbed" in my worries and tasks (often making me wonder whether I am actually a cruel person or not), other times I just get to feel so sad about another person's mishap, that I get my whole day ruined (go figure what is going on in that mind of mine).
Empathy is a useful tool, but it needs a
balance. I have cried in a funeral because I saw my mum saying goodbye to a cousin the same age as hers, because I knew she had to let go of a person she spent dear childhood and adolescent years with. I was sad about the situation, I was sad when we learnt about my uncle's sickness, I felt sorry for my aunt and cousins (his family), but it was that picture that cracked me - I guess this is a combination of cognitive and emotional empathy.
Anyway, the statement in the closure, I believe is referring mostly to emotional empathy. When someone becomes overly sensitive and manages to "feel" what another person feels as if they experience the situation themselves. This may happen when you get too immersed in the other person's feelings that they become yours.
You need to keep a safety distance and keep in touch with your reality, although sympathising and treating others in a way fitting to what they are going through (I have in mind my divorced-parents cousins for example, when discussion comes to family, I try not to forget that not all families are the "typical mum-dad-kids all in the same house" model; mostly because I do not want to add to their distress -the divorce is almost 3 years now and the girls are 10 and 11).
I enjoyed your post, Abi!
I hope you're all ok after the incident, safe and sound!
Lots of love! ♥️
(Question: why when I think of empathy, I picture bad situations? Empathy is not compassion to your pain or frustration, but your joy as well)
Hello smart-girl ❤ :)
I am very pleased to hear this post has brought you some new information. The two aspects of empathy discussed here offer some insight into how you feel towards others in certain occasions and not in others. It is very important to keep in mind that broader contextual processes influence our every day thoughts, behavior and feelings! Meaning that some of them might elicit more emotional responses while others bring about cognitive reactions instead. After all, we do not exist in a vacuum!
You illustrated truly well how one draws from both aspects of empathy when you talked about how you felt upon learning about your uncle sickness. I am sorry that your family had to go through all that. You see, one of the reasons I feel for you and your family is because I share with you all a similar experience (that of my father). An instance of wider context.
Thank you for analyzing the quote I finalized this post with. I hope things are settling down now for your parents' cousins and for the girls.
It was a peculiar Sunday; but I know you will be happy to hear that the fire claimed no lives. Everything is fine over here now :)
Thank you for taking some of your busy time to participate in this discussion. It means a lot to me 😘
Lots and lots of love!
Ow ... before I forget. Good question. From a social psychology perspective the explanation I have for your interesting query is that, as a general rule, empathy is discussed as a reason for prosocial behaviour, which in turn is often associated with negative events. But you are right! Feeling happy for another person's accomplishments is a manifestation of empathy too :)
δε κανω ξεχωριστο σχολιο γιατι τζαμπα θα γεμισω τον τοιχο της abi .... πολυ ωραιο το αρθρο,νομιζω ειναι περιττο να το πω, οπως επισης Ruthie δε χρειαζεται να απορεις για το χαοτικο μυαλο σου... :) ...μια ερωτηση να κανω.... empathy μεταφραζεται σαν να λεμε συμπασχω με κατι σωστα???....γιατι η 'εμπαθεια' στην Ελληνικη εχει αρνητικο νοημα σαν λεξη.....ειχα ξανακουσει τη λεξη empathy σε συζητησεις και ειχα την εντυπωση οτι μιλανε για κατι αρνητικο φανερα επηρεασμενος απο το νοημα της λεξης στη γλωσσα μας...
Εmpathy ειναι αυτο που περιγραφεις, αλλα δεν το ρωτησα μονο γιατι η λεξη εμπαθεια στα ελληνικα σημαινει κατι αρνητικο και μου εχει μεινει καταλοιπο. Γενικα, το empathy, το συνδεω με τη συμπονοια και το ενδιαφερον που δειχνει καποιος οταν τυχαινουν δεινα στον διπλανο του, ενω κανονικα ισχυει για ολα τα συναισθηματα, να μπορεις να "νιωθεις" τη χαρα του αλλου, την αγωνια, το αγχος, την ανυπομονησια, οχι παραιτητα να συμπασχεις με τον πονο του...
Hey @ruth-girl
Here's a tip for your valuable feedback! @Utopian-io loves and incentivises informative comments.
Contributing on Utopian
Learn how to contribute on our website.
Want to chat? Join us on Discord https://discord.gg/h52nFrV.
Vote for Utopian Witness!
I think the key aspect is the question you raised here:
First of all, we have to define the circle of people who are the benefactors of said empathy. As you pointed out correctly, most of the time our empathy is limited to a group of people we identify ourselves with (in-group-out-group-bias).
With that in mind:
I'm quite sure we can learn empathy. At least when it comes to cognitive empathy. I would doubt, however, the possibility to learn emotional empathy to the same extent.
If anything, my own experiences are telling me this (granted, that's not scientific proof but might be a nice hint nevertheless).
Personally, I'm usually not able to feel any kind of empathy towards most people (even with those I consider friends). A symptom of that might also be my inability to remember names or faces of people I rarely see - most people are just "shades" for me.
This is not judgemental in any sense, it's just the way I perceive people. I usually remember traits better than anything else.
In this regard, it's (with very few exceptions) impossible for me to actually feel the despair or happiness of others. I'm just completely indifferent emotionally.
But I'm usually able to understand their feelings from a rational point of view, hence my cognitive empathy is quite strong. I can see the reasons for their emotional states and know how to react properly.
This was not always the case.
A few years ago, I was not even able to do that. I simply did not care about other people's feelings and neither did I possess the ability to understand them. Obviously, I did many questionable things and hurt a lot of people during that time.
But changed circumstances forced me to rethink my behaviour eventually and I searched for ways of achieving a better understanding of (and therefore ability to interact with) other human beings.
I'm quite confident that I have found a proper way to address these things most of the time. Cognitive empathy can be a very helpful tool to compensate the (inherited?) lack of emotional empathy.
Personally I think extending one's ability of using cognitive empathy is the smarter choice in general. By doing that we can shift the boundaries of what we consider to be our in-group - without the threat of emotional instability. Empathy based on reasoning, facts and logic is far more valuable than its counterpart. And it's actually something we can learn to achieve.
Ego ! 😊 ❤
I was interested in the way you associated your inability to feel empathy towards people and the way you perceive people in general. Most certainly the way we see people affects the emotions we have towards them. However (and correct me if I am wrong), this seems to refer to empathic feelings in retrospect. Or, do you see people as 'shades' also whilst you are with them? Ps: I understand this is not judgmental.
You are the second person already in this thread, thus far, discussing how empathy can be taught/learnt (at least cognitive). This is very exciting for me to hear. I haven't come across any studies on neuropsychology suggesting the lack of emotional empathy might be inherited. But, if I may give my opinion, I believe this has more to do with learnt (or 'unlearnt') behaviour than inherited factors, as it was briefly discussed here too.
Great conclusion about how promising, as a whole, the implementation of cognitive empathy can be as a means not only for personal, but also for social achievements.
Thank you so much for coming by once again my dear, dear Ego.
I trust you are taking good care of yourself!
Much love to you always and forever ❤
Besides very few people I actually do. I simply cannot relate to most people in any way emotionally - yet alone feel emotional empathy towards them. Usually I'm more interested about raw information gathering about another person, because having more knowledge about someone/thing is always better.
But I immediately forget people's name after they tell me. I once lived together with two guys in a flat and it took me about half a year to figure out the name of the second guy - and only because my other flat mate called him once. So, yeah, I think "shades" describes it quite accurately.
Maybe. I'm not sure about that. I think it's a combination of both. An inherited lack of empathy due to brain structure and epigenetic factors as well. I had always difficulties adjusting to social norms and feelings of others - it took me years to really learn how to behave adequately during social interactions.
Thanks @abigail-dantes for asking this question. If the question is limited to job loss and fire catastrophe I would say; no empathy can’t be harmful. But when an empathetic person keeps watching a large scale massacre on the news, people dying from famine, floods sweeping whole cities, empathy would be overwhelmingly harmful. Many get depressed over what is happening to others.
One sort of difficult situation I usually find myself in, is when I am trying to settle things between two work colleagues or family members, I can see from each one’s point of view yet you can’t conmunicate it to the other. The more you feel what others feel, the more different and contradictory emotions you find yourself feel, which at the end of the day takes from your mental and physical energy.
So generally, empathy is harmful, if not limited and in consciously felt.
Hello dear @alignment :)
What a wonderful evaluation you shared here with me. And also, what an example! I didn't see that one coming, I must confess: 'the role of empathy in mediation'. I suppose, in such cases, as difficult as it might be, the more objective the approach one takes the better. There definitely are circumstances in life when reason is the best tool to resort to.
What this might cost for someone in terms of social and family relations? Well, it is a matter of outcomes, which I believe, that tend to be better, in general, when they are a product of balanced, unbiased decisions.
Warm Regards to you ❀ :)
Thank you dear @abigail-dantes for your warm regards,
When dealing with conflict, veryone has his own reasoning which usually is driven by his priorities, empathy here works only when you rephrase the sayings and actions of one in such a way that become more meaningful to the other, so he can see from the other one perspective.
Some people lose touch with themselves when they put themselves in others shoes, others may be more balanced, while others can help without being affected by the emotional states of those who are helping. So there is no general answer to whether empathy is harmful or not as everyone has to decide for himself based upon how empathy affects him and those who are close to him.
The final thing I would like to add is that judging, comparing people upon how empathic they are without understanding how sensitive they are regarding empathy is quite unfair.
What a brilliant way to start a blog about empathy--warning readers of distressing scenes ahead!
This blog was worth the wait, and one to which I related closely. There were a number of intersections with my own experience:
One was a Wordpress blog I wrote years ago in which I discussed Robert Park's theory of the Marginal Man. Park addresses the ability to separate ourselves from groups with which we don't identify--to marginalize these. We don't feel empathy because we don't believe members of these groups are like us.
Then I thought of a literature course I took on German drama. A little factoid came back to me about Gotthold Lessing, who is considered the founder of modern German drama. Essential to Lessing's concept is that we have to identify with, or feel empathy, for the protagonist in order to be engaged in the play.
And then, finally, there's personal experience. I worked for 8 years at a school for adolescents who had been diagnosed with a psychiatric illness. The founder of the school used to warn me not to let my "rescue" instinct get out of hand. There is a danger, in that context, I guess of having too much empathy. Although I never quite agreed with him :)
I can't end without mentioning a wonderful movie, District 9, that was released about 10 years ago. That whole movie is really about transforming from a place of not understanding to one of empathy. The protagonist (involuntarily) pays a very high price for acquiring empathy.
Beautifully written, your blog was rich with information and references. I've already read Bloom's article and the Five Things about you:)
See you in two weeks!
Hello my dearest 😊
How nice to wake up to your always kind, encouraging words.
I have already saved the document Marginal Man as it is definitely something that interests me. I was prepared to read it straight away, but then after seeing the length of it I decided to postpone it for another time.
I had never heard of Gotthold Lessing before. But, how truthful is that? It reminded me of a play I saw a few years back in London, in which Rowan Atkinson plays a lonely, lonely teacher. I felt for him all the way through the play. Hence, a hard to forget character.
I watched District 9, years and years ago. Excellent movie! It is very pertinent to this discussion. I am not a big fan of science fiction, but that one is much more than that. It is social. I used to think of District 9 every time I read about 'The Jungle' in Calais.
Oh, your previous job touched me very much. But, yeah ... my thinking towards that is, while is not sustainable to emotionally empathize with every single patient, we ought to resort to cognitive empathy. For me, that is a matter of morality :)
Ahahahah so you read my 5 facts! Ahhahahaha you are so sweet agmoore! PS: I like most of Bloom's work.
Well, it is morning coffee time over here !
I wish you a day filled with peace ❤
Much love to you!
My first read this morning, your response. What a positive start to my day! I have read about Calais--yes, exactly. And this is what Park addresses. In the US today we are going through a kind of mass marginalization. The politics of the time revolve around stigmatizing groups of people. Dreadful to live through.
I'm glad you agree with me, that when it comes to people (or animals), it's hard to draw a line and say "I've done enough, more is not reasonable." I think when we do that we are able to drive past a Jungle and see nothing.
I loved reading about you--the way you dealt with your husband during the earthquake is hilarious.
Enjoy your coffee. I haven't had mine yet so I hope this comment makes sense.
Have a day filled with inspiration and fulfillment.
How human :( And they'll feel that it does not concern them.
There's a particular adage here that says:
Sometimes we fail to put ourselves in other people's shoes, and we don't get to have a feeling of what they're feeling. "What if we're the ones directly involved, would we have found it humorous if we're treated that way?"
If we do feel the same way as they do, then we'd be more empathetic and not just sympathetic. If we all learn this, then the world would be a better place for all of us.
Nice piece as usual Abbey.
Resteemed. Much love from here. And don't forget today's hangout 😃😃
Sammi 😍
Thank you for coming around again to share your thoughts and reflections with me my dear :) The quote you wrote here says it all. It is indeed a bland truth, which invites us all to analyse how the world is really like.
As for tonight's hangout (it makes me smile just to think about it) I am afraid is not going to be possible. But, I am going to get myself organised to take part in one sooner than later! 😃
I will be thinking of you guys.
😘
Marvellous post! Yes, I think empathy is going to be the emotion that unpins most of the issues that I want to work on during the course of my life. As you identified in your post it’s a super important emotion for the fact-to-face interactions in day-to-day life, however you nicely outline what worries me most:
A while back I talked about the scoping effect and why raising money for malaria interventions that could help millions is so hard. This is a key point here.
The issue for psychology to work towards now, therefore, is how do we keep the good of empathy and lose the bad. Know your own cognitive biases, that’s my advice! With psychology I think it’s so important that we point it towards ourselves before pointing it towards others. I know I’ve done my job well when one of my students starts the year wanting to “psychoanalyses” others and ends the year “a wreck of a human being, unsure of everything they though they knew”, then at least they’ve got the best foundation to build from.
Hi Richard 😊,
Oh, I am so pleased to hear you enjoyed this post. I did think of your work at times, during the writing process. More specifically the post you wrote about the impact empathy and fear have on healthy policies.
And of course, last night just before I gathered my images for this piece I read your latest article (I am sorry I run out of time and didn't comment). But, the manner with which the public reacted to the suffering the Evans family underwent illustrates how empathy can sometimes get out of control (when it becomes a public matter, things get that much more complex!).
What you said here about 'knowing our cognitive biases' is an interesting one. As both our biases as 'individuals' and 'group members' need to be taken into account. But, like you said, and I believe in this very much, the work of the 'self' comes first.
The way you said you evaluate how much of a good job you do with your students, just made me smile! 😃
Ps: I will be reading your post World Malaria Day: If I look at the many I will never act. over the weekend. Thank you for pointing it out to me! You know I am big fa of your work.
Hey Abigail, excellent, yes our work often seems to align nicely. I feel we need a blanked “don’t worry about not reading post” agreement. There are only so many hours in the day. More and more lately I’m writing to get ideas straight in my head rather than so that others will read/comment on them, so never really expect anyone to read them. That post is based on this paper by Paul Slovic who I think you’ll like if you like Bloom.
Wonderful!! Thank you :*
Deal! 😆
A great piece, Abi! Again!
I agree that one's empathy could hurt you. I think that could happen in a case you are empathic toward someone who isn't - like a mass murderer :)
Seriously now, there are people who lose their lives because they were empathic toward someone suffering and they tried to help. A few years ago there was a very sad incident in my country. Two men saw children drowning in the sea. They got into the sea in order to save them. They actually did it. They somehow managed to drag them near the coast so that the other people took them out of the waves. But unfortunately, both men couldn't escape the waves and drown. They both had children who lost their brave fathers.
I guess you are either empathic or not. I am skeptic about learning how to be (or not be) empathic. However, I am glad I am empathic and have this great experience of feeling a real connection with others.
Oh! What a heart-breaking story @insight-out 😧
Considering your extremely high score on agreeableness I did expect you to be a highly emphatic person :) It does come at a price, but like you said it brings elements to life that make existence much, much more purposeful!
Thank you for taking the time to stop by once again :D
I wish you and your family a great Saturday! :*
First of all - glad that you are okay !
Secondly, it's not a surprise to me that you wrote an article on this topic after what you observed and in a way participated in. Being empathic is a sign of a high emotional intelligence and I personally think that it is a double-edged sword.
From one point of view being emotionally intelligent and empathic person allows you to be a good friend, family member and person in general - truly understanding other humans is a quality which would never fade away.
But from another point of view, being too empathetic could be harmful for you, as sometimes this "feeling for others" could be overwhelming, influencing your "inner and outer" aspects of your life - jumping into actions to help others without thinking about them in a rational way.
What you observed in other people's behaviour from one point of view is showing how "life goes on" no matter what. But from another it's revealing some people's emotional ignorance and in other's - carelessness. While the first could learn how to be empathetic, the second group chooses to ignore it.
It's only after we experience such situations with other people that we could see them for who they truly are.
Thank you for this article - it's been a food for the brain - as always :)
All the best to you :P
Oh! Thank you my dear @dysfunctional. It was an overwhelming 'spectacle', but no lives were lost :D
Yes! The link you made here between empathy and emotional intelligence is an essential one for this discussion. Thank you for bringing this up!
It is truly a difficult balance to find. I have come across many people (often highly agreeable or little assertive individuals) who just completely forget themselves in order to help, please or take action for others. And like you said, some of them actually got in trouble for 'over helping'. All because reason was pushed away by emotions. It is a tricky one!
Another important point you raised here is that 'life goes on'. I stated this in another reply to a comment: 'One has the tendency to judge others based on what they appear to feel'. Except that, no one other than oneself knows that. Plus, the degree of empathy with which someone responds to a particular circumstance, by no means, defines their overall moral standards or level of humanity. I suppose it is too easy just to put the emotionally-ignorant + the neglectful in the same pool!
Thank you for stopping by :)
Much love to you from Portugal!
What a beautifully written content, I quite concur that empathy can be learnt, while I was younger I use to feel less empathy for people, however I was may 17 or 18 I was already an advanced teenager and seriously I should've been to feel and learn empathy because I was already growing mature and still felt expression-less as a child but I had not but after reading this I discovered that it was as a result of the fact that I wasn't shown empathy as a child because i never grew up staying with my mum, I knew only animosity, prejudice and suffering and as I grew up I became vengeful and obstinate.
To me it was so worrisome when i had reached 20 and still can't find myself to feel empathy, it was just like you mentioned it felt like I was lost, however it only took good turns of event, progress with my business and interaction with good people that gradually changed me, it took at least four years to be able to feel compassionate, I must tell you, I learnt empathy because I was later shown it to me by people who's been there for me in my life, else I'll still be an adult and yet still be like young Lucas who was emotionless.
Thank you for bringing this splendid rhapsody this morning, it's been three weeks already and I'm so glad to enjoy this one from you @abigail-dantes I hope you've been doing okay and well?
Hello my dearest @josediccus :)
How nice to see your comment here once again. The first part of your discussion is particularly touching. Yet, it is also something that delivers hope! Your very account that empathy can be learnt during later developmental stages is very important for both the individual, and for their social environment.
Kindness most certainly begets kindness 😊
Everything is fine over here! Thank you so much for asking. You have such a great heart. I trust the same is true over there?
Much love to you from Portugal ❤ :)
of course @abigail-dantes your detailed post here gave me the chill and took me back memory lane to those years ago, you know I always relate my life events to your posts it's like you have a track record for always talking about me hahahaha well, I feel glad always reading, if it could be possible you could making two posts in a week it would be a marvelous delight.
Cheers! I'll be hoping to read again next week, I'm doing very good here 😀😀
OH! It pleases me very much to hear everything is good there :D
Please note that, at least until Christmas I will be posting only every other Friday. This period of the year is always very busy for me :)
Hmmmm then I'll be looking forward to Christmas, I didn't know you're in Portugal I thought you were in Brazil. Have a splendid weekend and well.