Emotional expression and the violence inherent in the system

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I discovered last night why certain people don't trust me. They feel that because I am emotionally expressive that I am somehow incapable of calm objectivity or leadership. This strikes me as a great irony given my other strengths.

The bias inherent in the system

There is a bias in our system, even here in Discord, a cultural and societal bias against emotional expression. Emotion isn't trusted because it's volatile and misunderstood. It causes arguments and dissension because some people believe only logical and rational controlled people are fit to lead. So in any type of business, emotion must be controlled and contorted to appear socially acceptable.

To a degree I understand this. I grew up with the culturally instilled belief that I was somehow defective as a person because I could not conform to being a happy socially correct female. I lost jobs because I refused to pretend I loved my job, because I could not smile and put on some idiotic amenable multi tasking robotic persona that allowed employers to get more work for less pay.

Showing emotion has double standards. We cannot be emotional at work because that interferes with business, nor can we show our negative emotions in public because it might make people uncomfortable. We need to be careful with our friends because they might not want to be around us if we cross personal boundaries. We've learned a tightly proscribed set of rules for every occasion. We as a society have been brought to believe that we don't have time to deal with our emotions. Mental illness is taboo. We avoid talking about emotions because we are too busy suppressing them.

So when are emotions ok?

In the privacy of your own bed alone at night. On a long walk in the woods. With trusted friends who indicate that they are willing to listen. But even then, be careful. Don't let anyone overhear you, because heaven forbid you get in a situation down the road and the cops ask your neighbor who remembers the one time you lost control. That's all tongue in cheek, yet it seems like our society is coming to that. Is it necessary? Is it healthy? What is the physical and emotional cost of all these walls we build and rules we make?

Emotions are ok in certain situations. But even in a court of law when our life is totally screwed, we are expected to have control. Weddings and funerals are fine, but only so much before a concerned relative thinks that you're in need of a sedative. In the news we see more and more cases of people losing control in big ways. Terrorism, mass murders, rape, police brutality. Its become an unfortunate but socially accepted sign of political and social unrest. But somehow, both religion and politics seem to get a pass when it comes to expressing emotions.

Double standards

Right now we have a President that was elected based on emotion. He acts either without reason or with extreme bias, is said to have a narcissistic personality disorder, yet people support him because he appeals to their emotions. He is part of the wealthy one percent who own banks, stocks and corporations, and has contributed to the denigration of the working middle class. Yet these same people are willing to back him in order to protect their sometimes bigoted misogynist racist values and white privilege at the cost of their health and livelihood, because "Murica".

Yesterday I heard Trump supported because he appears to be going after a high level pornography ring. Sure, great thing he is doing. But is it really him? And why now, when he is in the midst of being thrown under the bus by the FBI? Is he really committed to this cause, into cleaning out the viper pit, or is it a red herring, a gathering point to rally around?

These same people who now think Trump may not be as bad as they previously believed conveniently forget that he has slighted women, native americans, soldiers, handicapped, mexicans, muslims and refugees. Ditched environmental laws that protect natural resources. Why? Because people are thinking with their emotional biases and not their logic. As long as he isn't coming after you he's ok, is that it?

Politician, it's a job that we somehow wave the need for sanity, sound ethical judgment and emotional control. Why do we never look at the double standards in our cultural reasoning? Why are emotions considered a sign of weakness in women and in business, but in a President who runs one of the biggest organizations in the world, he gets a pass? Would he get a pass as a woman? I think not. Bias inherent in the system.

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Violence against the feminine

I feel like there is a national bias against emotions, intuition, caring, nurturing, earth, compassion, artistic expression, protecting the small. Politicians shun it, because we are a Yang nation. We value the masculine. We are bullies and tyrants, because it's politically and economically expedient. We go to war. We strip funding from the poor and unfortunate. We take over resources for profit and control. We make laws that favor the rich. All of us as citizens are duplicitous, because we don't speak up. We don't have time. We copy the pattern. We hide our heads in the sand.

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Talking about emotions

I have been told that my behavior is concerning. I am emotionally volatile, I am somehow fragile because I get depressed and angry and fearful, I frighten people and make them uncomfortable with my moods. My issues are a problem because people dont want to be forced to deal with their emotions. I actually TALK about my emotions and express my feelings rather than suppress and control them the way society expects.

Why dont people talk about their emotions? Why do we have rules about when it's ok, but mostly about when it's not? Why is it more socially acceptable to hide our feelings like they don't exist, for the sake of business or politeness, as if emotions are bad gas or awkward behavior? Why is it ok to self medicate with drugs and booze and games and make believe rather than talk about the things that wreck our souls?

Yes, talking about emotions is draining. It's like a muscle that never gets used, or its used in the wrong way because we are constantly trying to hold everything in and pretend its not an issue. We are taught to do this by a society that wants to keep us slaves to the current system. Emotions are suppressed for the sake of economic necessity and ingrained social interactions until they bubble over in the form of stress, anxiety, pathology, suicide and cancer. Who pays? We do. We allow this.

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Unacceptable damage

Our society is a passive war zone where media has inured us to the fatalities of a damaged way of thinking. We have grown so used to war that we come to terms with what is considered acceptable damage to our children and our selves.

My niece is in hospital right now. She has self-abusive, anti-social tendencies and suicidal thoughts after a year of therapy and drugs to deal with depression. At the root of this is a sexual assault that occurred when she was a young girl, that happened because a community did not want to speak out about a pastor until it was too late. Violence against the feminine, social denial, suppressed emotions.

What is wrong with our culture that we continue to believe that suppressing our fears, anger and grief is necessary, that we judge others harshly for displaying what we have been taught are "socially unacceptable" behaviors? The same society that keeps us economic slaves and subjects us to unreasonable laws. We live in a nation that schools us to be good workers yet fails to teach us to think critically or survive independently. Why aren't we angry? Why are we so placid in the face of abuse?

Paradigm Shift

A paradigm shift is a change in world view; a fundamental change in our attitude and approach to life. How we think, feel, believe, act or react to our world, the concepts, values and underlying assumptions about how the world works.

A mental and emotional violence is being perpetrated on our culture that we are subconsciously complicit in. Some of us are seeing past the political veils, seeing the flaws in the system that keep us economically repressed. Yet many stop there and think that is all that's needed.

We are at an impasse, a paradigm shift where we are fighting for control, not just for our political, social and economic freedom, but also for our mental and emotional awareness. We have yet to take hold of our anger, to look clearly at the bigger picture, to own our thoughts and emotions, because we still have the mindset that emotions need to be controlled and repressed for fear they might overwhelm us.

We need to see past that. We need to understand what it's doing to our bodies, minds and souls. Your emotional control muscles are fine. It's your release and acceptance ones that you need to work on.

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_{all above photos pixabay CC}

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