This is a really good read, and seems a very natural way of seeing things, which goes to show how entrenched our societies are in the very ways you express.

I tend to wear my emotions on my sleeve in life, in fact I earn part of my income from doing so as a blues musician along with writing songs about the things that trouble me, or that I've processed and resolved. In my day to day life I can't hide who I am and feel, without hiding away altogether, and for the most part, I'm very comfortable wearing my own skin so to speak, and the circles I move in generally accept and actually appreciate it, but society in general it's generally a big no-no.

As someone who is currently highly emotionally challenged, I'm going through a long term relationship break up, I do feel the need to hold onto my emotions to a certain extent in some circumstances, even just to myself. Not that I ignore them, I can't do that compartmentalising thing, but I know they're going to be changing quite vastly. At one time, everything can seem quite desperate, a few hours later I can be feeling positive and even a little excitement and relief.

It's a fairly amicable break up, but very sad for us both, so there is a mixture of sadness, anger, love, relief, resentment, fond memories, bad memories, feeling deeply disespected, feeling deeply respectful. It's a lot for the mind to cope with, but it's important to remember the transient nature of these sometimes intense emotions, otherwise it's too easy to spiral into hopeless negativity and bitterness. Bitterness itself is such a blight on the person holding it, and it's such a huge backpack to be carrying through life.

Obviously during this period emotions go around and around the mind like assorted coloured clothes in a washing machine, I can't dodge them, I don't want to dodge them, it's all a part of growth. I don't mind tears in public etc, but I don't really trust showing these deeper emotions to more than a small handfull of friends, and even then I probably won't show the whole gamut to any single one. If any of these emotions were to taken out of context, they would be unfair perceptions of me, my ex (that's the first time I've had to use that term, and triggers the hurt and sadness) of that and of our situation. Again, I think because people don't understand each other emotionally because they often think so negatively about their own emotions, as weaknesses in fact, which they shouldn't be, they tend to see 'negative', for want of a better word, emotions as something to stay clear of, as if it may be nasty and contageous.

We need better understanding of self esteem and our own and others emotions, than our societies afford us as they strive to make us all conform. How can we have emotions affect us and conform to societal norms, who can take time out to really grasp a true understanding of themselves, andconform to societal norms. These things don't fit with the mechanisms of society, it's already bad enough that women have to take time out for childbirth and rearing children. So we have to seek this enlightenment for ourselves, and we can only do so much towards encouraging others to do the same. Many people are cught up in their own, as well as societies trap.

As societies we desperately need to be more compassionate, and as individuals, more compasionate towards each other, but this can only be if we can find real compassion in ourselves towards ourselves in the first place, and their lies the vicious circle that stops us to a large extent being in touch with ourselves or each other. They're there for a very good reason, and if understood correctly are such a vital ways to be in touch and connected with the self. If they're poorly understood or suppressed they do indeed have a negative impact on the very being, the self esteem.

Self esteem can naturally and healthilly fluctuate a little without any cause for alarm, but if your emotions become constipated then the self esteem suffers drastically. Don't missunderstand me there though, it's quite natural to be emotionally constipated at times, it's just that we shouldn't just continue to exist like that.

Sorry, I may have gone off topic a bit there........

Best Regards