Well, Its 8:25 p.m. in my city and I just received a message from a girl I’ve met last weekend where we agreed to go out today.
Now Im on my bed thinking if I should go to this date... I really don’t want. I don’t care about her, I’ve seen her only once and I really don’t want. Its nothing personal, its just that I don’t want to see her, and if I dig a little bit more, I don’t want to see anybody.
Of course in my head I have a natural impulse of thinking I should go out with her because I feel the “need” to have sex. But sometimes I think this impulse is just because society (my friends) pushes me to do this. That Its all about what they think about me and how they should see me. And I HATE it.
I'm 25, I live with my parents and I don’t want to see them either, I don’t feel like talking to them, I really don’t care. But again, its nothing personal. (I think) I love my parents, they’ve done so much for me. But I am not into talking to them either.
And now I start realizing that I don’t want to talk to anyone. I live in a relatively small city, In my whole country lives 3 million people, so its quite often to meet with people you know on the streets. And I don’t like when that happens. I want to be alone.
I don’t like how society is organized, how people wants to know about other peoples, and Im starting to believe that this is affecting me.
When I come home from work, I am all day at bed with my computer or watching Netflix.
Obviously sometimes I feel sad (but who doesn’t?), I feel lonely, and when I get drunk it gets really messy in my head…
The thing is that I was not always like this. People think about me as a funny/active person, with lots of energy. But the truth is im tired.
I don’t know if I will end going to this date, there’s definitely something in my head telling me not to, telling me that I should be alone, that I don’t need nobody. But what if I’m wrong?
Be careful, it's a down spiral, and I am speaking out of personal experience. You will, if you continue on this path, create a vacuum around you, and someday, you will wake up from the haze you are in, and find out that 10 years have passed you by, that you don't have a partners, you don't have friends, and that you spend most of your time conversing with someone inside your head.
You should force yourself, even if you have to fake it, even if you find interactions with people hard, and that their conversation have no or little interest.
Consult, speak to someone you really trust, but don't get isolated, it is VERY VERY VERY harmful.
Its been 2 or 3 years since i feel this way, and u are completely right the thing that i waste a lot of time talking to someone in my head. Really, thank u for ur advice!
By the way, what you described reminds me of the movie Numb. Check it out if you haven't already. Best of luck friend
Go on the fucking date. Rumination is the destroyer.
When your brain cycles and inputs are focused on what's in front of you (ie. interacting with a cute girl out in public), there is less room to think about depressive bullshit.
By Rumination u mean staying all day in my room?
Ruminate: to think deeply and obsessively over something.
Thanks man.. i will keep it in mind.
Answering to the message below: I've been vegetarian for more than 2 years, do u think it has something to do?
No worries. I was depressed for many years myself. I know the downward spiral. Sleeping enough (not too much) and eating lots of protein, veggies, and fruits helps a lot too.
Nice word brother! Really digging Rumination
Dear #thedoctor,
I'm sorry you're in a difficult place right now. I'm not a psychologist, and obviously wouldn't diagnose you over the internet anyway, but the situation you have described sounds like your emotions are definitely trying to tell you something. Check out http://karlamclaren.com/ingenious-stagnation-understanding-depression/ Karla McLaren has developed this amazing and effective way of interacting with your emotions called Dynamic Emotional Integration. See if it resonates with you!
Wishing you clarity,
Uniwhisp
I will read this, thanks.. i know i have problems with my emotions, but its just not easy to feel good u know? I want to not feel this way but i really dont know what to do. I will read about it. tks again
You're welcome. Learning to listen and work with our emotions is a very difficult process, but it is so worth it! Let me know if you have any questions!
You live with your parents, maybe you don't need them. Perhaps you are supporting yourself and paying your part. Let's assume you don't need them. I am parent. I would find my existence a lot less meaningful if suddenly I didn't have my son around. You are important.
Often there are activities that are beneficial to the emotional well being even though at first it might seem uncomfortable at first. Our habits create a comfort zone. Yet you must get out of that comfort zone in order to improve yourself.
You could grow some of your own food. Take a course in something you have never done before and discover yourself. Start something!
I sometimes find it hard to talk to my parents. Im different from them and they dont understand me in lots of decisions i make. Maybe im thinking things too much. I just came frome the date with the girl and all I was thinking about was coming here to read the Posts again :/