Why living in the past rarely leads to happiness

Everyone experiences regrets throughout life, ranging from minor disappointments to significant missed opportunities. Yet, it is unhelpful to linger on these feelings of regret. This piece will explore two distinct types of regret, and first, we discuss regret concerning paths not taken and dreams unfulfilled.

Rarely does anyone see all their aspirations come to fruition. These types of regrets can be termed “if only” regrets. They often lead to emotional pain, especially when you link your joy to these thoughts by saying things like, "If only I had pursued this career, I would be happy," or "If only I had traveled more, I would be happier."

By constantly reminding yourself of what could have been, you may convince yourself that these untraveled paths and abandoned dreams are the sole reasons for your dissatisfaction in life.

However, it is essential to recognize that no one experiences constant happiness. As noted by the character Don Draper in the show Mad Men, “What is happiness? It’s a moment before you need more happiness.”

The catch with these “if only” regrets is that you can never know how those paths would have unfolded. They could have led to situations far worse than your current reality.

For instance, if I had chased my dream of living and studying in Europe, I would not have met my lifelong partner or welcomed the two children and two grandchildren who bring me joy.

Reflecting on paths not taken and ambitions unfulfilled requires careful consideration. You must ask yourself whether those choices would truly have brought the happiness you seek.

Life seldom turns out as perfectly as we envision. The unpredictability of our journeys is a fundamental aspect of being human. Accepting this fact could lead to greater peace of mind.

It is more beneficial to focus on the life you currently have. Rather than getting lost in the dreams of “if only,” it makes sense to explore ways to address your present disappointments. Even small adjustments can enhance your quality of life.

Simple actions like reaching out to an old friend when you feel lonely, experimenting with new recipes to reignite your enjoyment of cooking, or committing to daily walks, even short ones, can positively impact your wellbeing.

Only you can identify these minor disappointments that affect your happiness. Take some time to reflect on them. Write down those that come to mind and develop a strategy to introduce change. A handful of small changes can accumulate and lead to significant improvements in your life.

Now, let’s discuss the second kind of regret, which arises after you have acted in a way that may have hurt someone else or that left you with a bad feeling. This type of regret can be especially painful. When emotions like guilt arise, they often do not serve a constructive purpose.

While there may be an initial benefit to recognizing the mistake you made, it’s important to move on after learning from it. Guilt, by itself, only serves to make you feel worse without promoting any positive outcome.

It is wise to acknowledge the pain, learn from the experience, and then let it go to avoid becoming stuck in a cycle of negative feelings.

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