Crucial Ways to Cope with Frustration
I've observed human relations since my school opened 40 years ago and found that people have high expectations and rarely agree. This causes stress, frustration, and emotion.
Start by defining expectations and agreements.
Expecting means hoping or counting on something. A commitment and agreement on a topic are what make an agreement.
Most people don't realise that expecting a specific outcome requires an agreement and commitment to act. Sometimes we agreed without committing. For instance, a couple may decide to visit Italy on their next holiday without committing to organising or paying for it. Commit after agreeing on a topic.
While an agreement involves others, we can also commit to ourselves. I promise to walk or exercise for one hour every other day starting tomorrow.
Be aware that an agreement is not an order. We hear about people being furious because they expect others to do what they want. It would be mandatory if they disagree.
People who think they deserve expectations may feel wrath, frustration, disappointment, violence, and impatience.
The pair misunderstanding is shown here. In the last minute before Madame goes shopping, Monsieur says, “Don’t forget, darling, to bring me the newspaper.” He becomes upset when she returns without a paper.
He would declare that she answered when she heard him say something but was distracted by his last call. In this case, the man should get the lady's attention and ask if she wants to buy his newspaper. He can trust her and set expectations if she agrees.
Other typical assumptions.
We expect our partner to remember our anniversary despite never promising.
Non-cook spouse expects other to cook all meals. Was this promised?
Madame assumes the man will lower the toilet seat without asking.
A present is expected in return.
We get impatient in a long queue when no one promises to serve us right away.
Expectations are normal in some situations. When we travel, we trust the train or airline departure time since the transit operator promises it.
Take a deep breath and ask yourself if you have a real agreement or promise when you realise you are angry. When you get a negative answer, you'll realise that unreasonable expectations and no agreements cost you your emotions.
I recommend asking someone whether they understand your explicit agreement. If you're around someone who easily forgets promises and obligations, have an additional agreement on the penalties, or price to pay, if one party breaks the agreement.
Remember that expectations without agreements fill a lack of self-love. We don't love ourselves enough, so we hope the other person will act like they love us. We seem to want others to telepathically predict our wishes and expectations.
In conclusion, loving oneself more means having fewer expectations of others and making more precise promises. You will also feel less frustrated and emotional when your expectations are not realised.