Living The American Dream: Why Are So Many Of Us So Bad At It?
There is an unspoken rule in my culture that it is NOT ok to be sad. To feel and express sadness means that you have done something wrong, made some mistake or simply you were put together improperly. This is pretty common across most demographics and is something I am NOT ok with.
Sadness is part of life. When we lose someone or something we care about, we respond by grieving. It’s literally how our body/mind complex works. If we repress or diminish this response it’s the emotional equivalent of clogging an exhaust pipe.
Why?? Just WHY??
Why is this the case? Well I’m from the good ol’ United States of America. In our country, since we are the best, we don’t accept any good for nothin’ sissy cryin’ because he lost his momma. Well, that’s what they tell us in school at least. With our overabundance of macho men and super sexualized females, we have created an existential space that doesn’t leave much room for well… anyone. If you don’t fit into the category of hyper muscular, hypo-emotional and fearless to the point of near lunacy you “can not” be a good American. Fortunately these opinions are extremes, yet I feel that an image similar to this exists in the psyche of many of my peers.
Beginning To See The Truth
When I was younger I struggled with depression. Fortunately I had the opportunity to work with a therapist and have been able to overcome this hurdle; however, it took a lot of work. One memory really sticks out to me. I was sitting, talking with my therapist, expecting a rather bland session when he caught me off guard. He asked me what my definition of masculinity was… it took me a moment but I discovered I had a rather simple answer… Clint Eastwood.
My subconscious was telling me that in order for me to accept myself as a man (I was 22 at the time) I would have to
- Chain smoke cigarettes
- Fuck women without any semblance of an emotion
- Kill at least 3 people per hour of on screen time
- And be approximately 55 years old
I was astonished by this realization, but then after further analysis it started to make a lot of sense. I grew up in a media culture, without a strong influence from my dad (he worked a lot). I was left to form my own ideas about masculinity and life in general. With my freedom I went to what I knew, pop culture and media. I guess that good ol’ Clint stuck out as the most prominent figure (James Dean was a close second) and I harnessed his ethos as my North Star for being a man.
So Many Have Been Left Behind
It brings me sadness to think about this now. Since this discovery I have worked to change my ideas about myself and the world I live in. Now I exist with a much more expansive mental space allowing me to live as the diverse and beautiful individual that I am. Yet, I know that many others out there still are burdened by the constraints that they adopted as children and young adults. It brings me great sorrow to know that they are in pain, and even more knowing that this pain is not necessary.
Let's Make A Change
We have all had these experiences. Most of us have even consciously or subconsciously worked to solidify these themes in the world around us (think about all of the time that we judge and label people). I ask you this: Is this the world you want to live in? Do you want to be afraid of expressing your true self, fearful that you may be judged, persecuted or even attacked? I know that I definitely do not want that.
Blueprint For A New World
If you agree with me, and would like a world where we can all exist peacefully while respecting our own and each others individuality, here’s what you can do.
Take some time and analyze your own beliefs. Ask yourself the tough question. Who am I? What is it that I came here to do? What am I stopping myself from doing out of fear?
You may find this challenging. Most likely it will take considerable time and effort to dive to the necessary depths, yet I guarantee that every moment you spend in self discovery will pay immense dividends.
Helping Others Break Free
As you continue to discover yourself, you can also be proactive in empowering others to express themselves. If you see someone that is truly free, or striving to be, give them love and support. Whether it’s a musician busking on a street corner, a young child singly freely or an old man simply smiling out of his gratitude for life, when we begin to support behavior like this, it will become easier for ALL of us to express ourselves freely. It’s kind of like that commercial where one person begins a never ending chain of kindness through a singular act. You can be that one person. You can change the world.
We are all here on this rock together folks. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could get a long AND have the ability to live the lives that we REALLY dream about?? I know what I want out of life and I’m not going to quit until we’ve gotten there. I hope that you join us.
If You Want To Talk, Join Our Discord Group
We Talk About Cool Stuff ... And Are Friendly!
Check Out Some Of My Other Posts Here
Neuro-Linguistic Programming... What is it and how can it help me improve my life
On Death and Dying... What to Do When It Is Not Happening to Us
If you are enjoying the content that I am producing, definitely hit that follow button as I will be creating much more! Also, please let me know if you have any suggestions for things you would like to learn about.
Really sorry .. Do not be sad and give up
This is life
Be sure ..God will not oppress anyone
Thanks for sharing..
Those fundamental questions we should all be asking ourselves is the reason why we medicate ourselves through all these addictions and mask our emotions. First, it's the willingness to ask the questions, but the second step is to really seek out the answer but the answer is not as obvious as we would like. Finding ourselves and what we stand for is a journey and deliberate, conscious effort. Easier said than done of course.
Wow @metama I admire the courage you have in coming out to everyone like this. I think everyone suffers from a sort of depression of some sort. You can't have some highs without some lows, this has actually been scientifically proven.
As far as your dad being not around and thinking about Clint Eastwood as masculine, I have a similar situation. My dad was a businessman and I was never around, so I became obsessed with Weight lifting and being strong! I always saw this in movies and to this day continue it. I think it's a good thing.
I really like where you talk about if we all just do one good a day, it can start a chain reaction of goodness. I try to do this simply by holding doors open for people. Random acts of kindness make the world a better place :)
thanks for sharing your story @jitmisc. Hmu on discord if you want to chat :)
Totally agree with this:
I read a few of the other links you posted and I really enjoyed them. Thanks for sharing
Resteemed to over 18200 followers and 100% upvoted. Thank you for using my service!
Send 0.200 Steem or 0.200 Steem Dollars and the URL in the memo to use the bot.
Read here how the bot from Berlin works.
#resteembot #bestofresteembot #winwithresteembot
Feel free to join our partner crypto exchange: https://www.binance.com/?ref=10230705.
@resteem.bot
The globe is getting smaller and smaller, universality is happening with sports, music, language, technology, food and culture. The American dream is old and people adopting the global dream. That's why the stars hitting our screens are the lots of Bezos, Vitalik Buterin, Justin Sun, Kim Jong Un etc
What is your global dream?
To achieve higher consciousness... A time when humanity will not be looking for food for entire lifetimes but serving bigger purposes.
:) yesssssss! preach it dokta!
Totally agree with this "The American dream is old and people adopting the global dream" !!!
One doesnt need validation from media and society to survive. If you belive in something that does not impact anyone else in any other way, then that opinion is right for you. Media still continues to portray people in a certain way and tries to establish what is right or cool and what is wrong. One has to look past that. Others cant dictate the terms on which you live your life and judge yourself.
We are beings surrounded by a great world around us that influences a lot in the day to day, in the present moment we are filled with what they will say and we do not see beyond what we can show through a smile, let us continue harvesting our heart of beautiful thoughts and that we will transmit.
I feel as if I have had all of these experiences so that I can learn and share with others. It definitely blunts the sting a bit when our pain is not wasted on personal suffering.
I love this. I have always thought this way. I too, suffered from depression. Right now, I am the musician on the street corner. That is the way I feel with steemit. Truth is you are an introvert. We are both introverts. Most of the world is run by extroverts. If you research what this means, it will give you a better understanding of yourself. We all have the same dreams.
Approx. 5 years ago, I spent a year in Canada as an exchange student, and noticed the same thing. Everyone was happy, smiling, outgoing, never showed any sign of sadness. At first, I found it uplifting, but as time went by, I started to feel a bit anxious. I felt like I had to act like everything was fine all time, even though everything never is fine all the time.
I live Finland, and I find that people express more of their emotions here than in North America. Somehow it's good, but sometimes it isn't ideal either. When people feel they have the right to be sad at any time, they aren't willing to make any effort to feel better. For some, it's an ongoing vicious circle, and it's quite hard to be a bystander...
However, thank you for this though provoking post, it's important that people address this problem!