RE: The Constant Drive to Do
Well, now! That was a delicious response! Thanks for sharing so thoughtfully. We were pretty solidly middle class growing up, but it was the whole thing of "you gotta work really hard if you wanna make something of yourself." Took a long time to realize hard work doesn't always, maybe even often, bring you money. There was also the save, save, save, never spend mentality. It bordered on paranoia.
I love your comment about existential crisis territory. Truly, we feel like we have to prove our worth at every moment. As a staunch feminist and also raised as I was, it was hard for me to ever feel ok saying, "I'm a mom," even though that's a lot of work. As it turned out, I ended up having to work most of the time anyway because I could never find a guy to hold down the fort financially. I have a terrible time just doing nothing in any case. I literally have to force myself. In any case, thanks so much for being part of the conversation!
I've never had kids, but I can only imagine how much I'd feel like I always had something I needed to be doing if I did. It is easy to come up with things we "should" do when responsible for another life, particularly when there are so many things they actually need us to do. Yet for everyone, it is fundamentally a mentality. We either see ourselves as intrinsically enough, or we see ourselves as given value by what we do or acquire. In the former case, we still may do a lot, but it comes from a place of satisfaction. In the latter case, no matter what we do we always feel insecure.
Thanks for such a stimulating post to respond to.
It really is a tremendous commitment, or rather a sacred contract, and I always want to give them all I can. Then of course, it's a whole job to reel in and sweep up the trail of physical and emotional chaos! You're so right, though. In the end I would probably do more if I wasn't in constant battle with myself!