The Constant Drive to Do
The other day a friend of mine said, “I need to learn how to chill out!” I was thinking he was talking about how uptight he is because he gets really wound up about a host of things. Actually, he was talking about wanting to just relax and do nothing and finding that task harder than you'd think.
I've finally realized not everyone is like this. My wasband is definitely not like this. He can veg out for hours. No guilt, no mind racing. It was always a struggle to determine if it was more annoying or impressive. In any case a friend once told me, "you can't yoke an ox with an ass."
I'm like my friend, and I get the distinct feeling most of us on Steemit are like this too. I don't necessarily need to be out and about doing stuff, but if I'm sitting still, I'm almost definitely typing or playing a game with the kids or reading. When I'm not doing those things, I've got to do something physical, usually cooking, cleaning, or laundry. My daughter says I can't sit still. I guess it's true.
Why? I feel guilty, that's why.
I think it's part of being poor. At least it's worse when you're poor. I always feel behind, like I need to catch up or maybe make up for something with the clean house. I still have some of that pull yourself up by your bootstraps and work really hard thing going. There's an idea that at least I know I tried not to be poor. Of course that's not how any of that works. It's crazy. It has to stop. Honestly I take very little time to read even. I feel like I'm trying to prove my worth here. Am I the only one who has this major issue with worth appearing over and over and over again?
I don't think feeling worthy will result in me just lounging about all day. It's not in my nature, and I honestly think balance is good, but maybe I will be able to relax and do nothing occasionally. Just sit and think. Or watch a movie - that's not nothing, is it?
I'm really working on the worth bit. Leaving the wasband was so, so crucial. I've seen a lot in the last week encouraging women to not stay in abusive relationships so they don't end up dead. That's a really important message and also an insanely low bar. Don't stay with anyone who makes you feel small or doesn't see the magnitude of your greatness. Walk away from that shit. Anyway, I am so very grateful to have so many wonderful people in my life who are regularly reminding me how awesome I am.
It's interesting to note that I originally intended this post to be about children and how so many parents have their kids on these crazy schedules of school and sports practices and martial arts and theater and painting and gymnastics. It seems to me another symptom of the same disease. I am grateful to not have this symptom. People are trying to prove they are worthy by trying to prove their children are worthy. This crap drives me nuts, and it starts early. My baby sleeps through the night/is already crawling/says 17 words/knows the alphabet/can play Mozart/already owns his own business. For real. People get crazy about this stuff, and they think it makes their child better and therefore makes them better. Well, everybody can just settle down because I have the most amazing kids. I'm kidding. Sort of.
So here are these small humans, who are totally dependent upon their crazy pants parents, being told from an early age that whoever they are is not enough and that they must cultivate lots of skills and be incredibly talented at all of them so they can be enough. It reminds me of Elizabeth Bennett saying to Mr. Darcy, “it's a wonder you know any accomplished ladies at all.”
The worst of it is that these schedules leave no time for unstructured play, which is actually what grows your brain.
I know I'm on this intense kick about capitalism, and I don't want to necessarily say that it's responsible for all our ills, but this whole drive for competition, to be the best, to stomp out the rest, well, it sure as shit isn't helping. Keeping the work force downtrodden is how they continue to suck up all the fruits of our labor. We give our all, and when we get back so little, it's terribly disheartening. We compete and do our best but seem to fall short each month. This despair just makes us better cogs in the machine. Ok this is getting depressing. Let's roll out on a high note, shall we?!
In case no one told you today
You are beautiful and brilliant. You deserve love, joy, and abundance beyond measure, and you are perfectly perfect just as you are. You are worthy and enough. Stay strong. Take care of yourself. Power to the people.
Much love, y’all!
As always, all pics are mine or pixabay unless otherwise noted.
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I think your post is a great post.
Me too.
Awesome every one find happenss your thought also feel happenss for life
Read my post also im supprt you long time 😉
That's so sweet of you.
You are brilliant too. And oh so worthy, just how you are. 💜
Mmmmmm. It's starting to sink in!
Ahhhh you have written a post to my heart!!
Without having any children of myself, I still get very annoyed by the parents using their kid as a prompt of achievement. It almost seems sometimes as if what the kid is doing is like their own diploma. Let these kids be small and discover, push them to do something, but not necessarily with the goal to achieve something.
And in terms of feeling the need to do something because of being poor? I think this stand for everybody. Having the need to feel usefull and making something out of our time, in stead of just sitting. Same thing here, when being home and not doing anything, I am still writing, networking, cleaning, Idontknowing. But sitting back and relaxing? I have to set myself to do it, but I do it. This usually involves being somewhere near an river/sea/mountaintop hahahaah
I'm so glad it was meaningful for you! It drives me nuts too. Children get no chance to explore! And fail!! Failure is crucial to evolution!
Lol. Idontknowing. That's funny.
failing is essential to growing. How can you evolve if you havent faced disappointment! Welcome to the real world ;)
I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I was raised poor, so with all that "devil makes work for idle hands" crap drilled into me. And I did work hard. Non-stop practically. I was a kid who barely played.
Then all the work paid off. I was able to retire early. And honestly, it started really paying off once I slowed the pace of my work those last 8 years or so. But coming to an absolute stop? Not having anything productive to report for myself at a party? Well know we're getting into existential crisis territory!
And I actually am starting a new service project. But I'm also delaying the start of an off-grid homebuild, moving a membership community I run to a donation model, and spending some time every day trying to get myself to just sit and listen to the wind. I also meditate, but then I'm concentrated on the meditation. This is just sitting and really doing nothing.
It's so hard, but I think the more I feel resistance to doing it, the more that shows me my "slave/servant mentality" programming is still there. I must embrace my intrinsic value. And then effort is something that emerges from me, but is not who I am.
Well, now! That was a delicious response! Thanks for sharing so thoughtfully. We were pretty solidly middle class growing up, but it was the whole thing of "you gotta work really hard if you wanna make something of yourself." Took a long time to realize hard work doesn't always, maybe even often, bring you money. There was also the save, save, save, never spend mentality. It bordered on paranoia.
I love your comment about existential crisis territory. Truly, we feel like we have to prove our worth at every moment. As a staunch feminist and also raised as I was, it was hard for me to ever feel ok saying, "I'm a mom," even though that's a lot of work. As it turned out, I ended up having to work most of the time anyway because I could never find a guy to hold down the fort financially. I have a terrible time just doing nothing in any case. I literally have to force myself. In any case, thanks so much for being part of the conversation!
I've never had kids, but I can only imagine how much I'd feel like I always had something I needed to be doing if I did. It is easy to come up with things we "should" do when responsible for another life, particularly when there are so many things they actually need us to do. Yet for everyone, it is fundamentally a mentality. We either see ourselves as intrinsically enough, or we see ourselves as given value by what we do or acquire. In the former case, we still may do a lot, but it comes from a place of satisfaction. In the latter case, no matter what we do we always feel insecure.
Thanks for such a stimulating post to respond to.
It really is a tremendous commitment, or rather a sacred contract, and I always want to give them all I can. Then of course, it's a whole job to reel in and sweep up the trail of physical and emotional chaos! You're so right, though. In the end I would probably do more if I wasn't in constant battle with myself!