I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I was raised poor, so with all that "devil makes work for idle hands" crap drilled into me. And I did work hard. Non-stop practically. I was a kid who barely played.
Then all the work paid off. I was able to retire early. And honestly, it started really paying off once I slowed the pace of my work those last 8 years or so. But coming to an absolute stop? Not having anything productive to report for myself at a party? Well know we're getting into existential crisis territory!
And I actually am starting a new service project. But I'm also delaying the start of an off-grid homebuild, moving a membership community I run to a donation model, and spending some time every day trying to get myself to just sit and listen to the wind. I also meditate, but then I'm concentrated on the meditation. This is just sitting and really doing nothing.
It's so hard, but I think the more I feel resistance to doing it, the more that shows me my "slave/servant mentality" programming is still there. I must embrace my intrinsic value. And then effort is something that emerges from me, but is not who I am.
Well, now! That was a delicious response! Thanks for sharing so thoughtfully. We were pretty solidly middle class growing up, but it was the whole thing of "you gotta work really hard if you wanna make something of yourself." Took a long time to realize hard work doesn't always, maybe even often, bring you money. There was also the save, save, save, never spend mentality. It bordered on paranoia.
I love your comment about existential crisis territory. Truly, we feel like we have to prove our worth at every moment. As a staunch feminist and also raised as I was, it was hard for me to ever feel ok saying, "I'm a mom," even though that's a lot of work. As it turned out, I ended up having to work most of the time anyway because I could never find a guy to hold down the fort financially. I have a terrible time just doing nothing in any case. I literally have to force myself. In any case, thanks so much for being part of the conversation!
I've never had kids, but I can only imagine how much I'd feel like I always had something I needed to be doing if I did. It is easy to come up with things we "should" do when responsible for another life, particularly when there are so many things they actually need us to do. Yet for everyone, it is fundamentally a mentality. We either see ourselves as intrinsically enough, or we see ourselves as given value by what we do or acquire. In the former case, we still may do a lot, but it comes from a place of satisfaction. In the latter case, no matter what we do we always feel insecure.
Thanks for such a stimulating post to respond to.
It really is a tremendous commitment, or rather a sacred contract, and I always want to give them all I can. Then of course, it's a whole job to reel in and sweep up the trail of physical and emotional chaos! You're so right, though. In the end I would probably do more if I wasn't in constant battle with myself!