THR33 DIFFERENT WOMEN. Part 48.

She cancelled on him. Initially he was stunned. Things had been going quite well, or so he thought. He supposed the note she'd slid under his door was slightly better than a short sharp text message. All it said was she wouldn't be able to have dinner with him. No explanation. No excuse. Strictly speaking she didn't owe him either. All they were doing was meeting up for conversations. The dinner thing had been his idea, which she'd immediately accepted. Had he done something wrong? Said something that she was far too polite to show her displeasure at. It wasn't as though they were a thing or even a couple. He'd bought all the ingredients to. They were languishing in the fridge now.

Why was it bothering him so much? Shouldn't he be happy for her? Maybe she'd found out who she was, so this was Leilani being herself. He was empty again. That disconnected, foggy feeling was overwhelming him. Like he wasn't complete anymore. Similar to the sense of losing part of himself he'd had after he returned from the hospital. That had faded when Leilani forced her way into his life. Not that it had required a lot of force. Hell, he'd been dumped before. It was one of those things. Nothing lasted forever. Why had he just thought of being stood up as being dumped? That was stupid. The weirdly nonconsensual sex the two of them had, wasn't worth considering. She'd told him she used sex to connect since her mother and sister were murdered. It was the only source of affection or love she could find. Though it contained neither. Oh no, it couldn't be. That was not only impossible it was ridiculously unobtainable in the real world.

"Sup bro?" Sophie greeted him, her huge smile partially parting the dark clouds.
"Not much. I just thought I'd see how everyone is. I'm fine. I'm great. Shania is seeing me tomorrow so I should be getting rid of the cane."
Her face had fallen, Sophie leaned into the screen.
"Jay, what's wrong?"
"Why would you think anything is wrong? I told you I was fine and I am. Near perfect health now."
"Bullshit. If everything was fine you wouldn't have said so. You'd have gone straight into talking crap with me. So what's wrong? Oh God, is Tianni okay?"
Jay had produced a lot of bad ideas in his time. Contacting Sophie was now officially the worst. He was scaring her and upsetting her.
"Of course. I haven't seen her as much as usual because of my injured state. She's doing well I promise."
"So what is it then?"
Deny, deny, deny.
"Do I have to have a reason to contact my big sister now?"
"Yes, considering you only contacted me yesterday. When we talked for hours. Spill!"
Her sharp tone cut through all of that bullshit she'd spotted. How should he do this though? Discreetly of course. He wasn't even sure himself. His impression of his own feelings might be wrong. This could all be a hangover from almost getting killed. She was staring at him, concerned. Lying was now out of the question. Discreetly.
"Ummmmm... When you met Dale... How did you know?"
"How did I know what?"
"How did you know he was the one. For you. Was it sudden, like love at first sight. Or was it something which happened over time. Most importantly how could you tell you loved him? There was a time when you didn't and that became a time when you did. What was the transition like?"
"Who is she?" His sister demanded.
"Nobody you know." Was a transparently pathetic attempt to fend her off.
"That only rules out Holly and Marie." She pressed. "Have you slept with her?"
Holy shit, he thought men were the ones who were obsessed with sex.
"Does that matter?"
"That's a yes."
"Look it's a very delicate situation. One I've never experienced before. I didn't even have teenage crushes. You know me and feelings. I'm not very good at having them and when I do I don't really know what they are."
Sophie gave him a critical stare.
"More crap. You just wall them off and refuse to acknowledge them." She sighed, her face softened. "Okay. I'll do this your way. For now. Me and Dale? I'd seen him around campus. He was good looking and I suppose because of his paraplegia I thought he was noble and brave. Then you introduced us. Which was when I got to know him. At first I thought it was sympathy, or worse still pity, that I felt for him. Then I realized I loved him."
"Ah ha. So you were confused about your feelings to. Why give me a hard time?"
"Because I love you, ya dick. Now give me some details to work with."
Jay outlined the conversations he'd had. How they'd talked about their families. Details were missed for obvious reasons.
"I thought things were going great. Invited her for dinner, she accepted. Then she left me a note standing me up. No explanation, just she couldn't see me. Not postponed. Cancelled. Nothing unusual about that in my love life, as you know. Only this time I feel lost and empty. That's never happened to me before, but it might be some kind of hangover from being wounded and unconscious for a couple of days."
She looked thoughtful for what seemed a very long time.
"I can't be certain, but I think you may be in love Jay. Answer me honestly, were you thinking about her before the two of you hooked up?"
"We didn't really hook up, but yes. The lady concerned was on my mind after I regained consciousness." How should he put this next part of the puzzle? "The thing is... The thing is I don't know if she has feelings towards me. The other thing is, I shouldn't be in love with her. It cannot, and I have to stress this, it cannot happen. Don't expect me to explain. It's very complicated. What it all boils down to is I mustn't love her and she mustn't love me."
He could tell she was about to tell him off. Then her look became one of sympathy and concern.
"Damn. Nothing's ever simple or straightforward with you, is it?"

The verdict was in. He had fallen in love with an unobtainable beautiful princess. The cancellation of the dinner made it clear Leilani wasn't of a like mind. She could have her pick of men, so why would she settle for him? She wouldn't, not when there were a million rich and handsome guys who'd shower her with gifts. There was some satisfaction in knowing he was head over heels. Unrequited love was said to be the purest love of all. It sucked, but he could deal with it. He and Tianni would be heading Stateside shortly. Meaning he wouldn't have to avoid the object of his affection. It wasn't like they constantly crossed paths. He could handle it. Better this than being rejected by her. He'd have to keep this up until he was on firmer ground. Right now he was clinging on with lies, cliches and aphorisms. This would fade and he knew that some time in the future when she'd found out who she was, he could sit down and talk to her. Without exhibiting any signs of his emotions. He was a soldier after all.

There were billions of women out there. According to the biography Marie had produced, he'd sampled a good number of them. Having fallen for one once, there was a good chance he'd fall for another one. Hopefully an obtainable one who had the same feelings for him. It was his own fault really, he should have gone through all this first love stuff when he was a teenager. The reality was that even if, and it was a big impossible if, Leilani had loved him it would have gotten in the way of him and Tianni. He wasn't sure how or in what way, but it was the case for sure. It was all for the best. Emotions were overrated anyway. Small pieces of him were dying every second, but Jay refused to acknowledge this. Like he'd refused to acknowledge Nando's death. Oh he knew it was a fact, but it was a fact he chose to ignore. The alternative was far too dreadful to contemplate. Now, had Holly and Tianni watched that Disney movie? He could do with some entertainment right now. If they had, maybe they'd be willing to watch it again with him.