The Pain We Cause Ourselves

I’m sure that if we’re completely honest with ourselves and strip ourselves of our own self-justification we will realise that at times in our lives we have been the cause of pain in someone else’s life. Just let that sink in a little bit. Whether intentionally, unintentionally or through some kind of self-serving mission we have caused pain in the life of another.

It’s always fascinated me how we are so acutely aware of all the pains that have been inflicted upon us but are unwilling to accept the fact that we are also responsible for the reverse. Sure we can slap labels on it and say we did it because of this or that but looking back would that label still be so relevant?

I’m a practical person so here is an example of that exact statement. In my younger years I had a very dear friend. We were inseparable and did everything together. In our final year of High School we had a major falling out over a guy. Which ironically we always swore would never happen to us. The thought, “be careful what you put into the universe,” springs to mind.

I justified my point of view because I felt that he wasn’t good enough for her and she did the same thing. We were always fighting about it and in the end it all kind of exploded. I said some really hurtful and mean things to her.

Many years later I realised that I was just jealous as she didn’t have all that free time to spend with me anymore. Heck, maybe I was jealous because her boyfriend was cooler than mine. Who knows, we were still young. I sent her a message, as she is overseas now and apologised. We had made amends years ago, I just felt like I had to apologise for all of that stuff from back then.

Back to the point. The point being that even though we might be reluctant to accept that we are responsible for someone else’s pain it’s on us none the less. We experience pain at the hands of others and inflict it with our own. I’ve made my peace with that. I’ve forgiven those that hurt me and I have asked forgiveness from those that I have hurt. What I am still battling to do is forgive myself for the pain that I caused myself.

Hold up a minute, is that even possible you might ask? Yes, it is. I had never realised it myself until earlier this year when I read a book called Men, Money and Chocolate, by Menna Van Praag. It’s a great read and I would highly recommend that you read it. She self-published it as she had always dreamed of being a writer. Circumstances in her life changed and she abandoned that dream and in the process fell into a horrible pattern of self-loathing and regret. It was only once she delved into all of it that she was able to move forward and find healing. Find her passion and herself.

One of the profound lessons was that exact statement, “Forgive yourself.” It’s the last side to the pyramid of healing for me and it’s the side that I’m battling with the most. I suppose I’m battling with it as I can’t quite understand why on earth I would cause myself pain? If I’m truly honest with myself I realise that it is very much true. I do it by sabotaging myself.

I don’t know why I do it? I’m still trying to figure that out. All I know is that I am now aware of it and therefore I can start taking the steps to work through it. To delve into it and resolve it once and for all.

Thank you reading and remember to keep smiling 😃
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