A Slap in the Face, Courtesy of the Department of Veterans Affairs
PTSD, PTSD related suicides, and the management of the VA are some of the most important issues our veterans are facing and are issues that are overlooked by our political 'leaders' year in and year out. This must change and be addressed now as the over 20 veteran suicides a day is unacceptable and we must come together for viable solutions. The post below is from Tuesday, September 9, 2008 and was written after I had an anxiety attack to give you a glimpse into what it is like dealing with PTSD and the VA.
A Slap in the Face, Courtesy of the Department of Veterans Affairs
I had another anxiety attack today. I left the post office and walked to my car. The rage was building, the despair was creeping, and I could tell I was losing it, but I kept going. I called my advisor from the Disabled American Veterans, and screamed into the phone. I got into the car, still yelling, and started the engine.
I had just gotten three letters from the VA. The first two were just like the ones I had been receiving for months. “We are still processing your application for compensation. We apologize for the delay.” It had taken me years to be able to admit to myself that I had PTSD. I registered with the VA when I got off active duty. The first time I went to the VA hospital, I knew the numbers, and I knew it was a disaster. Then I saw it first hand.
At first I saw the Vietnam vets. Men that were hustled through their midlife years and were walking with canes or in wheelchairs, sometimes muttering to themselves the regrets that only a broken soldier knows. Then I saw the World War II vets, clinging to life with the pride of a dieing breed. Then I saw the vets that looked like me. They bore the scars I recognized but couldn't feel. The IEDs of Fallujah echoed in the halls.
I thought I didn't belong. I got a consultation for PTSD, but missed my first appointment and never rescheduled. I didn't want to be a burden. There were those far more deserving than I. But then I needed help, and help came in the form of a fistful of prescriptions. It didn't help.
Then a Vietnam vet told me that I had earned my due. I needed to file for disability. It was the cost of my innocence, but I felt dirty to put a price tag on that and I didn't want to even ask what kind of check came with the “70%” label. So I filled out a lot of forms, and in a gut-wrenching all-nighter, described in detail my “stressors.” With my advisor, I turned in the forms in person in a building that could only make a bureaucrat smile.
It took me over a year and a meeting in person with the secretary of the VA just to get an ID card. I wasn't surprised when they wanted me to fill out more forms and I sent them in, like a good little veteran. Then over the course of months, the letters came. “We apologize for the delay.”
Today was different. The third letter I opened said, “We determined that the following condition was not related to your military service, so service connection couldn't be granted: Medical Description, Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)” “Service connection for post-traumatic stress disorder is denied.” “Review of your DD214, Certificate of Release or Discharge from Active Duty, and 201 Personnel file are negative for any evidence of combat medals or ribbons that can be considered evidence of participation in a stressful episode.” Bureaucratic words that still slice like razors to the bone. I guess they didn't see my Combat Action Ribbon, or Navy Commendation Medal. Maybe I really was crazy before I joined the Marines!
I was livid to say the least. As I drove on and the desperation overcame the anger I cried. I turned up the music to drown the sorrow, but the tears kept coming. I know there is an appeals process that I intend to pursue, but this is worse than being called a “phony soldier” by some neocon nut job. So I guess it's back to being another struggling veteran, trying to figure out how I will cover the rent this month.
But my veteran friends were able to put things in perspective for me. I spoke to Scot Camil, whose courage as a veteran speaking out against the war in Vietnam has been a great source of inspiration for me. I spoke to Chris Hill of Gathering of Eagles, who happens to be a bit of a war fetishist, but understands the brotherhood of veterans. I spoke to Jeremy Williams, who served with me in the same unit at Camp Pendleton, and is now toiling as a tireless veterans advocate in Texas. It could be a lot worse. And before I went to bed, I spoke to my muse and heard the music and she touched my soul and everything was right as rain again.
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This so deeply resonates with the shit show my dad went through with VA. He served Vietnam, made it out 'alive'. Got leukemia from agent orange, and the other classified chemicals of war. Finally, 3 years after his death they recognized leukemia as a disability.
Please...hang in there. It will come. It has to right itself.
I am glad that you are again, right as rain!
What grieves me in this subject is the soldier who sacrifices his life and health for the fame of his commander... In the end, he is thrown on the side of the road while his commander's shoulder is full of all sorts of medals.
Exactly. And then shunned by the people. It's such a broken system. It needs to stop.
I used to post about the 22 suicides averaged daily on other platforms and sad yet glad to see someone with such clout sharing this! Thank you for that, my one visit to the va hospital years ago was spent talking to an old world war 2 vet and shook his hand after an hour of learning how I would never be seen as he has watched friends die waiting for help! I deal with my (very light compared to most) ptsd with cannabis and from time to time go off on others at work when my meds wear off. The tenitis also can be bothersome and yet I donot even attempt doing anything with the va as I was in intel not on the ground fighting and feel they need that valuable time and help more than I.
They have money to spend on useless shit like the drug war then they should have money to spend on veteran PTSD.
Seriously though.
Hahaha, you right man..so true..
Wow... Am almost speechless. It's one thing to think a situation is bad but after hearing your story am just speechless. This is more than just putting an end to wars. Our veterans who have already sacrificed so much deserve better, much better. I wasn't even there but I can feel the anger you felt that day.
That's a decent idea, though the government does not care about any veterans or current soldiers. They send you there to kill or die and if you return of course you are traumatized because killing other people is not a good thing. Then you buy Big Pharma drugs to deal with the trauma and you end up even worse. Whats the real solution? End the war, stop sending people in the army, it doesn't serve you but only the ruling class and their agenda!
We can all overstand this big issue to the full list for me this hit home first hand getting rush out the service like a bad habit with little to know reintegration back into the real world. I hope to see you don't quit trying to get the help you and your family rightfully deserve putting your life on the line for your country. So glad I found this post I having my first PSTD appointment in a few days I'm nerves because I don't know what to expect (another going through numbers) over 2 hour drive one way my mind going be all over the place on that drive.
Great article that is very needed to bring awareness to this disease. I have family members that is affected by PTSD.
Thank you for your service! Vets should be treated with the upmost respect and these have sacrificed their lives for our security.
The veteran's will not be ran over by that twitter rant master because I believe they are people who have contributed positively to what America is today and the only way to acknowledge this is not to make claims about them but to get them into a conversation and listen to their plight at least. For God sake, partisan politics has to stop
First off, my deepest sympathies for what you are going through, both with your PTSD and the Veterans Affairs. Our men and women in uniform should not have to struggle and jump through years of hoops just to get insured and recieve some compensation. Their answer to you, that there was "negative evidence to show combat medal or ribbon" to prove you'd been in a combat situation, is despicable. Perhaps, if their beaucratic organization could actually keep track of all their permissions forms to grant permission to another permission form, they'd have not made that mistake. I'm not saying this to virtue signal to you or anyone. Our veterans are under attack socially, medically and financially. The unbeleielable amount of veterans dying per day is a direct result of medical "error" as they call it, or medical malpractice which is what I call it. I have just recently wrote an article that covers a bit of this(https://steemit.com/government/@freeman123/gun-control-or-everything-control) . 100,000 people die a year from this medical "error". We are all under attack, but especially our veterans. Because the "powers that shouldn't be" know what you(Mr. kokesh) and your brothers and sisters are capable of. And because, when push comes to shove, they know who's side you and your skill sets will be on. Again, I am so sorry for all that you are going through. My best wishes