Hellbent - Part 1 (My Original Short Story)
”No more excuses left, except the one to rip off that asshole's face and stretch it clean across the ball of my fist, eyeholes held in place by two fingers. I ain’t the same man I was yesterday.”
Joe pulled up at the abandoned shelter, his flaming motorbike growling to a halt. He checked his watch. Two minutes past three. That bitch ass had to be fast asleep on his piss-stained rag of a mattress in there. He scoured the surrounding area for any signs of life. None to speak of, bar the cricket’s incessant chirping through the stillness of the night. Four days gone and there had been no sign of him. The phone line was dead and most of his fleeting accomplice’s already scattered to the winds. Some were murdered, some got it even worse. The money was of no consequence anymore. Only a yearning for some sweet, lingering death dished out from his own capable hands.
He lowered the kickstand using the heel of his boot and dismounted. The loud crunch of gravel under his foot caused him to freeze. A subtle grimace crawled upon his face. The amount of time spent on that straight, parched never-ending highway rocked his usually impeccable judgement. Attention levels now adjusted back to maximum capacity, the other boot came down on the rough, dusty terrain with a new and concentrated ease. A soft thud still managed to dissipate around his large footprint, though quiet enough not to alert the unsuspecting sleeping fool. Moments like this had to be savoured, not rushed. He could almost hear the grim reaper sharpening his scythe just over his shoulder.
Each step drew him closer to the old, plywood door. The small outhouse almost glowed in the murky gloom, it’s luminous walls displaying various graffiti nametags in large, bold colourful lettering. The sole adjacent window was covered up with patches of newspaper. A possible concealed support structure pressed up behind it. Approaching with caution, a gust of wind caught the long ponytail trailing down his back, blowing it to one side. A few steps away from the entrance and he began the ritual unsheathing of the two-foot steel machete from it’s leather belt pouch.
A transient thought entered his mind. That of the numerous mangled bodies his actions had laid to waste in the past. Countless lives cut short with the same methodical precision he had grown so accustomed to carrying out. Gallons of blood spilt from shredded, spurting arteries. Jellied flesh hanging loose either side of the bastard's gaping wounds. The piercing cries of agony only feeding his torturous thirst for more butchery. But tonight was different. He would savour this beautiful death so long as Miguel’s desperate soul clung on to it's ravaged carcass.
The sullied, pale door stared him right in the face as did both his options. A fast boot to smash his way in, followed by a quick jab into the ribs with his gleaming beauty in hand. Or a quieter, more stealthy entrance. Given the poor lighting, it may have to be the latter, he thought. The only problem being how hard to drive the blade into him. Not so hard as to let him bleed out too fast. It had to be smooth and clinical, as knife slides through butter. Slow and measured. At least a half hour’s fun was warranted after nearly two days pursuit to get here. He took in a deep breath, held it and placed the palm of his hand on the door. It was damn near freezing, though the intense sensation only fuelled even more excitement within.
”You should of called first, stranger.”
Joe jerked his head up, startled by the voice. That voice. The deep, guttural drawl was unmistakable. His eyes met with the barrel of a 12 gauge pointed a few feet from the brim of his hat. Behind it, Miguel grinning down at him, half leaning off the flat surface of the rooftop above. The son-of-a-bitch had me pegged the minute I got here, he thought. Though fear was the last thing on his mind. Only an even deeper contempt for being placed in this awkward predicament.
”Now, now, Mig. You don’t wanna be doing nothing stupid now? You know why I’m here and you sure as hell know who sent me. So let’s just take some time out for a second and both get our bearings back to the way they ought to be.” Joe gritted his teeth in frustration at forgetting his trusty Colt .45, still holstered within an inconspicuous side compartment of his motorbike. Complacency got the better of him at the worst possible time.
Miguel stayed where he was, shotgun trained on him with a burning hate in his dead, cold eyes. ”You don’t need to worry none, Joe. All I wanna do is explain my side of things. You know, like something called the truth? And after that, we’ll see what we'll see.”
Joe remained expressionless as Miguel shifted the direction of the barrel of the shotgun. ”I want you over there and that damn weapon on the floor. Do it now.” Understanding that proceedings had been delaying somewhat, he did as he was asked and threw the blade to one side. It landed with a muffled puff of smoke. As he began inching away, Miguel adjusted himself to jump down to ground level once more, the gun sights never leaving it’s dark, shuffling target.
I love this story, @ezzy . As read it I could hear music. I have used my violin to create piece of music which represents how your story could sound to me as music. I had a lot of fun creating this I hope you like it. When I had it written I liked it so much I played it live as an openmic.
Thanks for writing such cool fiction.
Are you serious right now? Oh man, that was INCREDIBLE, MAN! Listen, not only are you a fantastic violinist but the piece you put together I feel goes perfectly with my writing. I'm in absolute awe, sir. Thank you, thank you ,thank you!
Following you from now, buddy!
:) Holy Cow, Man. You are too kind. I loved writing this. It was so easy to connect with the emotion. The pain, fear, cockiness... It was all there in the word. Perfect! Making music around something as clear and pointed as your writing is a pleasure :)
Thanks again my friend. I really appreciate the follow :)
Cheers,
Bucky
Woah! From sci-fi to supernatural, you truly are a master of the quill, brother! This has got to be one of your most action-packed openers, and you know how big of a fan I am of your openers. So descriptive! You really painted a gory scene there, I needed to do a double-take to make sure. This was something I shouldn't have read before I ate haha!
I like how you named the protagonist for this one--Joe. Very nondescript. It forces the reader to focus on his actions. The way you characterized him was so vivid, I felt like I have known him for a long time. Nice to get an anti-hero for a change! You had me at the edge of my seat, my bro! I can't wait for Chapter 2!
I have to ask, what about The Setup though?
Hey there, @jedau! Sorry for pushing the boundaries out on the old "crimson vino" descriptions but it goes in accordance to the world I'm portraying, lol. And man, thanks so very much for your invaluable feedback. Should have a little story here that may turn into something a little bigger down the road.
Joe is a hardened individual who kinda likes to do things his way. So yeah, a little bit more about him coming up soon, lol. Getting the next part ready, many thanks for dropping by! I needed to hear what my "brother from another mother" thinks! Awesome, my bro! :)
(p.s. Sorry, my mistake, I wasn't clear about it at all. The Setup was a short piece of elongated flash fiction supposed to be a complete work. The spin-offs after that were just adding to the original. So I think I'm done with that story for now, man. But I got in some good practice writing from differing perspectives though).
Excellent @ezzy! I am definitely picturing a 'Sons of Anarchy' scene here. You captured me in the first paragraph and never let me go, you magnificent sonofabitch! :D
Thanks, my brother! And you perfectly summed up the "feel" I was going for! "you magnificent sonofabitch", lol! Love it! :)
Out of the blue, @ezzy! We got another fantastic story to look forward to, yes!!! What a start, its already so compelling! Of course there is some history between the two men, but what is it? Why the anger? Who sent him in the first place? You just made my day.
Cannot wait for the next part, @ezzy. Welcome back, you legend!
Hey @myb! Wus happening, partner?
Hope you keeping well and thanks for the humbling praise yet again! Yeah, I'm looking forward to expanding on this one from here. All will be revealed. Missed your awesome comments and check back soon for the next part.
Bless, @myb! :)
Wow, the imagery in this one! It inspires me to do some exercises that truly capture a moment and the inner workings of an individual.
Being the reader we know that Miguel would be better off taking Joe from the earth, we're in the head of the blood thirsty psychopath...though we have no idea who Miguel is and whether he warrants death, unless he's remotely like his stalker we have to root for him.
Sorry I didn't answer your last comment, it's been a crazy busy several days! It was a blast too, whatever anyone has to say about this show, the cast are fantastic people, not at all the stereotypical shallow materialistic hollywood types. Quite a number of them mingled with the crowd just like regular folks :) My daughter had the time of her life and I had the time of mine witnessing that! Of course there will be posts when I get it all sorted ;0) Hope you are magnificently well my friend!
Oh, thank you, @dreemit! I've been so rushed off my feet too so please don't apologise. Just know how glad I always am when receiving a comment from you.
This one started off as a short story but I dunno now. May extend it now given the expanded arcs I'm looking at. But yes, I'm dealing with characters that most would consider "vile and nasty" by nature. Though that's the feel I'm going for in this one.
I'm very happy you guys enjoyed yourselves at the event. I'm sure it was a real blast! Till next time, take care of yourself! :)
Why, thank you! :)
That initial image.... wow! Riveting writing, too.
Much appreciated, @geke. Thank you. :)
I like the start. Uhmm one edit needed:
I think should be: "Joe remained expressionless as Miguel shifted the direction of the barrel of the gun. "
Like I said great start. And that bottom picture if to do with the story, I know it is going to be a very very good story.
Hey buddy, thank you so much for the feedback! Much appreciated!
(p.s. Error corrected. Thanks for spotting in.)
It really is a good start, from some of the comments, I may be wrong on the relationship direction, but will wait and see and read how it all pans out.
rip off that asshole's face and stretch it clean across the ball of my fist, eyeholes held in place by two fingers. I ain’t the same man I was yesterday
And I am not the same woman I was before reading that line. What an opener! And you're hardcore anti-hero burst onto the scene with amazing realism. Love it! Please say you'll let us interview you on Tuesday :)
Hey there, @jrhughes! Lol, sorry that beginning got a little gritty. That's not how I normally start off but I had to remain true to my characters, lol! Thank you for the kind words coming from someone as talented as yourself. :)
(Sorry I missed your message on steemchat. I'm not 100% sure I can make this coming Tuesday but the one after that is a definite green light. Is that OK? And thanks again for considering me for an interview.)
I am so glad I found your account because WOW! You share some amazing stories!
You got me hooked on this one from the first para and I can hardly wait to read the next part!
You got yourself a new stalker! I mean snake... No I mean follower!
Hey there, @poeticsnake! Thank you for your incredibly kind words! The next part should be out tomorrow so I hope I can keep up to your expectations! Thank you once again! :)