Living with Chuck Norris - PAIN are PLEASURE? #400
It all started a few months back when i was in needed of some money and thought i would sell off a few bits of silver on eBay. So i listed everything and it sold like normal and i got some ok bids. After around 20 minutes of the last auction ending i got a phone call from someone who claimed to be Chuck Norris. The person on the phone asked if it was possible to collect and pay in cash, i replied back something like '' whatever floats your boat mate''. Next thing, i could hear a very loud noise like someone blowing into the phone mic and this went for about 5 seconds. When the blowing noise stopped and i asked '' Hello, Chuck!! Are you still there?'', i just about jumped out of my skin when a hand touched my shoulder and said '' I'm here, Wheres that silver kid?''. I turned round to see Chuck Norris standing in my doorway with his dog Roundhouse.
I was taken back but remember thinking he was smaller than i thought but he did look tough and he filled my front room with his presence. His dog was kinda smelly to be honest and its left eye seemed to be half closed all the time for whatever reason. I told him to wait a minute so i could go and get the silver from the hiding place and he replied back '' It'll get it on my way home'' That was how me and my family were landed with Chuck Norris
At first it was fun having Chuck around and we never wanted him to leave. All of the facts you heard about Chuck Norris are true and he can do everything, it's very strange to watch him and see how he gets things done. I tried to copy him but cant. My wife is from Thailand and Chuck used to run there to get fresh ingredients for cooking and be back within seconds, he used to do loads of cool stuff for us. When he first arrived, he would go in the back garden at around 10pm and do like a 'hulk smash' clap and the sun would slowly start to set. Chuck Norris is for sure a very special person and one of a kind but to much of a good thing....
As time has gone on, letting him stay with us was a bad idea. He has stolen most my silver stack and acts he knows nothing about it, when i show him the webcam footage showing that i had him red handed, he looked at my laptop and blinked like a genie. He wiped the harddrive completely clean, all my family pictures, all my work gone just like that. I had no other choice and i have had to let my silver stack go and just start to rebuild, there was nothing i could do, its Chuck Norris. Around the house he had become more of a pain than a pleasure. I wake up every morning at 4.30am to this here standing at the end of my bed telling me its time to workout.
As im doing my workout in the back garden, he chills at the table shouting at me while downing 3-4 tins of red bull. When he is not shouting at me, this is the look he gives me. It is a little ackward making eye contact with him so i tend to look into the sky and avoid whatever is going on here.
He has also taken over my shed and i recently found out that he uses it to piss into tins and label them red bull. He only drinks whisky, red bull and warm milk before bed so i have no idea how that even works. It is just another one of those things you have to overlook like his dog shitting all over the house and taking over the kids bedrooms as his territory. The kids now sleep in a tent out the back garden. When you confront him about everything he repeats back all your questions like a child would do, he never flushes to toilet so his dog can drink the red bull from it, he listens to daft funk and jazz loudly at 2am every night like clockwork and every time your in the same room as him, he pretend punches and kick's you. If he pretends to roundhouse me once more, i swear to god, i might knife him. I can't, the blade will just break. I call the police and when they arrive Chuck just stands at the front window and share's them down. I have called the police 4 times in the past 3 weeks and every time the police backed away.
I dont know what to do anymore. He also eats like a horse, leaves a mess everywhere he goes, you should see the toilet after he is finished with it and follows he around like a lost dog with no master. I have had to stop working as i fear he would get me fired somehow, im pretending to be sick and its been 2 months. I think he is just lonely and does'nt have many friends. That's all well and good but my stackitis is getting worse and i currently need to use all my spare cash to make repairs around the house from the stuff he has wrecked from practising parkour and punching holes into the dry walls. I tried to explain to him but he was all hyper from drinking red bull and pretending to kick me and seeing how close he could it to me face. Last time i was speaking to him this morning i told him that he did not need to go home but he could not sure here anymore. Again with the pretend kicks and cheesy lines acting like a complete dick. I had wrote a note also knowing he would do this. I threw it at him like you would playing card and he caught it in his teeth then winked at me.... Complete dick.
I will keep you guys updated with what is happening. He is sleeping now so i make a quick post, he sleeps upside down in the shower. He jump kicked holes into the roof and uses them to put his feet into. Every time i repair the holes, he kicks in new ones like its a fucking challenge. I have thankfully been able to keep Steemit hidden from him because he will want to join the #steemsilvergold group and i dont want any our members to have to go through the same as me. He will take your stack and make you his bitch. I will need to need another poor SOB to push him onto. Thanks for taking the time, its good to get that off my chest.
Stack on!!!!
And yeah!!!! Happy 400th post for me.
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Wow, that Chuck Norris is a handful! Is it true that he can't do push-ups? That instead he does Earth-push-downs?
hahah I heard it is true, and i also heard Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
It's true. He showed me once and then he had to run to the over if the world to do a push and even it out.
Man o man, I kept scrolling to hope to find a photo of chuck and bruce and was hoping next you would end the post like: and thats me on the left - the little Asian guy. Got my hopes up man that Bruce Lee is still alive!
He is still here so it might happen. He is kinda old now and mostly just kick's and punches his dog. Bruce lee could be his kryptonite.
Thanks for commenting
haha I havent laughed that much in a while ! I can imagine old Chuck is hard to get rid off and i dont know what could be his cryptonite? Seeing as he loves silver so much maybe giving him fiat money will weaken him?
seeing as he is quite old now you might try to wait it out and hope for him to die soon, but then i also heard that Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
Your right, we tried to poison him and it never worked. I have never thought of giving him fiat, i might give some in the bathroom where is sleeps.
Thanks for reading and commenting bud :)
My pleasure!
That's right @silverstackeruk, useful and funny post :)
Sounds to me like he is good for you.
He found my secret garden and watered them with red bull by pissing on them, everything is dead. He is not good for me. 👎
It's like a cat with it's markings. It's trying to tell you something. In your case, that it's time you take LSD.
I find it hard to sleep while tripping. The laser show i see when i close my eyes is too stimulating. Im a weed only guy these days :)
If you have to sleep, you definitely shouldn't be tripping. But on nights where there is nothing to do the next day... LSD reveals the eternal secret
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