The psychology of self-esteem: A simple guide to improving your own self-regard. The start of my journey to self actualisation

One of my previous blogs looked at Maslow's hierarchy of needs. In my blog I revealed that only 10% of the population reached self actualisation, which is an individuals ability to reach their full potential. To reach self actualisation, we need to be motivated to change. I stated that I was lacking in self esteem, which prevented me from continuing up the pyramid to a point of reaching my full potential.

Self-Esteem:

Self-esteem is defined as having confidence in one's own worth and abilities. It encompasses having self-respect, pride, dignity and confidence in your own morals and decision making. Self-esteem is often seen as a personality trait, so is considered stable. According to Branden (1969) there are 3 key components of self-esteem.

1. Self-esteem is a basic human need, vital for normal healthy development
2. Self-esteem arises automatically from within, based on individual beliefs and values.
3. Self-esteem manifests itself with individual thoughts, behaviours and actions.

Self esteem on either end of the spectrum, whether it be low self-esteem, or extremely high self-esteem, or narcissistic tendencies can be damaging, either end of the spectrum having the ability to damage relationships and having the ability to have a detrimental effect on one's ability to reach their full potential.

(image taken from google)

Possessing very little self-regard can lead to depression, social anxiety, low levels of interpersonal confidence, pessimistic attitudes and can lead people to tolerate abusive situations and relationships..... acceptance compounded by a thought that one deserves to be in the situation that they are in. In order to improve self-esteem, we need to take an analytical approach to our own self-regard. Individuals with high self-esteem will focus on growth and improvement, whereas people on the lower end of the spectrum will focus on not making mistakes in life.

Here are some tips for improving self-esteem:

(Image courtesy of: http://www.recovery.org/9-tips-for-boosting-your-newly-sober-self-esteem/)

A critical look at my own self-esteem:

There are crucial experiences which shape our self-esteem, and then further life experiences compound our self belief. It would be fair to say that my self-esteem was lowered at an early age by general school bullies, and then was compounded by domestic violence, which I experienced from the age of 17. My experiences have created a situation where I quickly self criticize based on the voices of those people who were once self critical.

However to say that we have low self-esteem covers such a broad spectrum of human behaviours that it is important to break down the areas of negativity within our own self-regard, as obviously, we don't always view ourselves in a negative way. To say that we have low self-esteem is too much of a general statement. So, after much criticism and self reflection, here is where my self-esteem issues lie:

1. I have low self esteem about my weight and body image. I hear the voices of the bullies at school who told me that I was fat and ugly. I hear the voices of those bullies who called me "saggy tits" and called me a scrot. I hear the voices of abusers who told me that I was a disgusting animal, told me that I was too fat for sex and told me that they found me repulsive.

Putting these comments into context, especially those received as a child, I was an early developer body wise, so the comments about my body we in reaction to my early development. My mother was a single parent and received no support from my dad. She couldn't afford trendy clothes and trendy hair styles. I lived in hand me down clothes and my mum often cut my hair..... I guess in relative terms..... I was the class scrot, but I was clean and athletic, so even though I was chunkier than my classmates, I wasn't fat and unhealthy...... I wasn't responsible for my mum's inability to buy me nice clothes or for being an early developer. I also aren't responsible for my partner's finding me disgusting....... surely more their issue than mine??

1. I have low self-esteem about my ability to make good relationship decisions.
2. I have low self esteem about my ability to appear interesting to other people - I worry that I am boring, and have very little to offer during conversations.
3. I have low self-esteem about my ability to make decisions. I worry that I am doing the wrong thing or making a mistake.

SO BASED ON THE ABOVE, I NEED TO START FOCUSSING ON MY ABILITY TO SUCCEED WITH A CAN DO ATTITUDE!!!!!!

Treatment of low self-esteem.

Cognitive behavioural therapy is a great tool for dealing with low self-esteem. CBT encourages you to try new ways of behaving and observe the effect that this changed behaviour has on your overall feeling of self worth. So this is the approach that I am going to take.

My main issue is that I have low self-esteem about my own body image.... I have no body confidence, to a point of refusing to be in photographs with my daughter and my family. I was recently a bridesmaid and spent the day crying. I couldn't cope.

So I am going to work on my body image, and will blog my journey to body confidence. I am attending a wedding soon, and am dreading being in photographs. So between now and 10th August, I am going to take steps to improve my self-esteem enough to not spend the day dodging the camera (harder than it sounds when you are dating an aerial photographer)

JUST REMEMBER:

The only person who can improve your self-esteem is you!!!

The only person who can motivate yourself to change is you!!!

Make a choice to change your life!!!

People will always judge you. Make a decision to make their opinions irrelevant!!!

Thanks for taking the time to read my blog. I hope it helps someone else to take an objective look at their own self esteem. If you wish to follow my journey, I will be posting an honest approach to my approaches to improving my overall self- regard.