RE: Mini Motivation #107 - The Day I Decided to See a Therapist
Not an easy post to write. Exposing the weak spots in our armor is often feels like a counter-intuitive move. But it draws us together. My good friend wrote recently that "joy is elevatory, but pain is connective." Joy is great. Spreading our happiness for others is a great thing. But getting with our pain allows us to connect with others in a deeper way.
But I've learned to put on a good show. I would give the best ideas from the top of my mind, but conscious of the chest pains that has reminded me of the pain killers I've grown accustomed to. I would make a silly joke, poking fun to elicit a smile, but you'd never know how much I depended on the laughter of others to cheer me up inside.
This right here. In my opinion, you writing this is evidence of you taking the brave step of deciding it is time to not settle for a lie. Cheers to you brother on this winding journey.
I totally agree with you. We bond when we share our deepest fears and pain. Blessings to you too brother, x @ssimkins9
Ironically, it's also the depth and strength of that bond that we are afraid, and holding back from.
For sure. And it actually makes sense to some degree. Especially if you have ever been burned by someone you trust or someone you thought was safe to open up to. Unfortunately even one bad encounter can cause us to put walls up.
Indeed! It isn't always easy to find safe people, but it always worth it. Thanks @jassicania
Hi @ssimkins9, thanks for your comment and kind words. Truth is I had been debating the decision for a while, and a part of me kept on insisting that I can work on it on my own, or just let it pass. But I realized the manifestation of the chest pains and nagging tendencies to reach of pain killers all the time is bad.
I have been evaluating why I had delayed the decision, if it was a financial thing (not that it's expensive, but in the scope of "Am I paying for something I don't really need?"), an ego thing, or just trying to wallow more in my own pool of pain.
I realised I couldn't come to the conclusion, so it's better to just register myself for a session, and see how it goes. Maybe there's nothing, maybe there's something, and I leave that to the professionals to give their point of view.
That's actually really wise. I had a couple of different therapists at different times. I'm glad to hear you found this one through a recommendation, and even still, so much of the process depends on being able to establish a connection. If after a handful of sessions, this person has not been able to set a rapport with you, then I don't think there is anything wrong with trying someone new. There is a balance in making sure you're not jumping ship for other reasons or too soon though.
In my experience, the pain tends to get worse before getting better. When we decide to put aside our pain killers (whether that is literal pills, or some kind of compulsive behavior), the pain that we were keeping stuffed floats up. Good luck my man and hang in there. You're not alone.