An open letter to the mongrel who cut the brakes on the community bike outside my house last week

In his short stay on this planet, man has achieved much. Man built aqueducts to ferry water from hither to thither. Man took Malus sylvestris, the wild wood apple, and tamed it into a delicious source of nutrition. Man took Poaceae, the grasses, and turned them into wheat, rye, and corn. Man took Saccharomyces vulgaris, the creature who converts sugar into foul-tasting esters and tamed it, turning it into Saccharomyces cerevisiae, the loveable critter who converts malt into alcohol.

Yes, it appears that man's knowledge has no bounds, but perhaps it is also true that his wisdom has no grounds. For it is presumably thanks to this miraculous critter, the Saccharomyces cerevisiae, that a heinous act of vandalism occurred last week near my house. Last week, some drunk ne'er-know-well saw fit to cut the brakes on a community o-bike near my house. Some puritanical roseprick has seen the joy that cycling can bring others, as well as the widespread societal impacts that transportation affords, and felt a particular need to endanger the lives of others by rendering useless the safety-critical aspects of a fun, cheap, and readily available means of transport. This peculiarly Australian custom of jamming the wheels of progress hurts society just as much as it hurts the individual. What would have been our fate if, fifty years ago, someone had cut the brakes on the Snowy Mountains scheme?

This base brute has seen fit to destroy someone else's property for no conceivable reason other than, at best, the minor inconvenience of seeing others embarking on a pleasant and heart-warming journey to bask in the sunshine of a glorious day spent among friends and family. What genre of gruesome grinch could have the gall?

I am a sensible, educated person, and I am quite aware of the facts of the matter: generally, education is a worthwhile investment, but education does require considerable effort from both parties. As such, I am not particularly surprised that such people as our grinch exist. As a dog returns to its vomit, so fools repeat their folly (Proverbs 26:11). What I am surprised by is that our community as a whole tolerates these pernicious impudents and even seems to condone this deplorable behaviour. Why have these outrageous acts not been condemned? If they were in my class, they would have had their scissors and sundry cutting devices licence revoked. If we cannot educate these people, we must at least defang them.

These mongrels are a blight upon humanity, just as they are a blight upon Australia, just as they are a blight upon the world.

Malcolm Skink, BSc.

Community bikes. Photograph by lecreusois