Please Don't. A Poem. Day 21. Steemit Poetry School 100 Days of Poetry.
Don't tell me to dig deep,
and then chastise me for my ditch.
Don't tell me go the extra mile,
Then say I'm out of reach.
Don't say I need to try harder,
Then look upon me as a wretch.
Don't say I have to reach higher,
Then judge me on this ledge.
Don't ask me why I didn't,
When all I did was try.
Don't wonder how I'm doing,
If you never once swing by.
Don't mould me to this form,
Then allege the words I borrow.
Don't encourage fostering beliefs,
Then say I blindly follow.
Don't tell me that I must,
Then promptly berate my choice.
Don't sever out my larynx,
Then tell me to raise my voice.
Don't look upon my face,
If you can't stand what you see.
Don't state that I'm surrounded,
When I blink and you all flee.
Don't say Why did you bother?
When you say go help yourself.
Don't push me from this height,
After you wedged me on this shelf.
Don't pretend that I can lean on you,
Then in my back impale a knife.
Don't attend my funeral,
When you failed to show in life.
Above images sourced from pixabay.
This post has received a 50.00 % upvote from @sharkbank thanks to: @sammosk.
I'm intimidated to post critique on this piece. Lol. But, here goes.
Don't mould me to this form,
Then allege my words I borrow.
The 'my words' is awkward to my ear. Maybe 'the words'
Also
Don't state I am surrounded,
When I blink and you all flee.
I'm not quite sure what is being said.
Maybe - Don't state I am surrounded, or Don't state, "I am surrounded,"
Or
Don't state that I am surrounded,
Or
Don't state that I'm surrounded,
I like your couplet delivery for this piece.
This is really good advice @acousticsteveo. I thought they were both clunky. This was the most impulsive posts I have done so far.
Is it cheating to edit? Or is that the purpose?
How funny. It does read a bit scary when I look at it from your perspective. Kind of like -
Don't you dare critique
Unless you want to start a fight.
This relates to my experience with protracted sickness, attitude from doctors, medical staff, and family and friends who have vanished.
It was great to listen to the class the last couple of days. I enjoyed it. I tried messaging you on discord actually, but your settings prevented the message from sending.
Thank you for this. I appreciate you taking the time.
@girlbeforemirror,
This is your Best Poem!
Ideas, ideals and insights ... beautiful contrasts!
You're lucky I don't know where you live. If you haven't edited in 10 times (at a bare minimum) then you shouldn't be hitting "Post."
Editing is so important that I require being in a different frame-of-mind (than that in which I wrote the poem) to do it.
Great poem.
It was the easiest write. I think because I referenced my own perspective. When I try to create something fictional or try to write from another perspective rather than broadcast my emotions, I get completely stuck.
I then attempt to compensate by hitting the thesaurus, and all I have is a few meaningless conceited sentences.
That is what happened with this, I ditched the piece I had, then just typed this into my phone while my family watched TV, and hit post.
Wow, @girlbeforemirror, this goes so deep. You put it so well too - actually exactly how I feel at the moment with steemit after 16 days or so of being active here. So it really strikes a chord in me, big time...
It's like (how I put it): "I am you too
From another point of view..."
Thank you so much for sharing this. Have an awesome day :)
I'm sorry you have had a rough start here, I had good experiences and encourage you to stick it out. It has been through some highs and lows and has changed a lot, and is still very much in it's genesis. This is a lul like I haven't seen for a while, throw crypto into a mix of blogging and social media and you are in uncharted territory. There are issues that are way beyond my comprehension on how to resolve them. But you will find your people. I have been here almost 2 years. I had zero expectation and little idea what I was doing. My husband had checked it out for a while before I used it and guided me through.
It has been good for me. I hope it works out for you. I know how it feels to try to keep the good vibes rolling. But sometimes in order to replenish, you have to dump some crap too. I tend to dump mine in rhyme, then get back to regrouping what I have left after.
Thanks for the encouragement, @girlbeforemirror :) I really appreciate it. I like your use of the "...before mirror" wording. It shows a real depth that isn't as common as it used to be. In so many ways pretty much everything is a mirror to us too. I love diving deep into things like that, but still haven't hardly gotten started here yet. I've gotta go read more of your material.
Mine...
It's a mixed bag .
My user name is borrowed. This isn't my best work but it explains it.
https://steemit.com/doodle/@girlbeforemirror/poetry-slam-challenge-5-ode-to-marie-therese-walter
https://steemit.com/poetry/@girlbeforemirror/girl-beyond-the-looking-glass-original-content-actual-girlbeforemirror
I have to share this, and then under it a reply to this. One reply to many .
https://steemit.com/life/@azurejasper/sharing-this-isn-t-easy-for-me-and-i-m-not-comfortable-about-it-but-this-community-has-become-so-important-to-girlbeforemirror
https://steemit.com/challenge/@papa-pepper/steemit-i-challenge-you-to-a-duel-to-benefit-girlbeforemirror
It shows you what potentially is under all the other stuff. There are real people here who are doing incredible things with the potential it presents. My story is just one.
For me... I haven't gotten better yet, but I have somewhere that I can be while everything else has changed forever.
My first post is the reason I started here. To host a marathon 6000 words. It is linked in my husbands post. I didn't know I wouldn't do anything much of anything after that. I thought it was a short rest period. It was just the start of an ongoing problem.
Wow, @girlbeforemirror! Thanks for sharing that. I can't tell you how much it really does help to see such positive stories here, when I'm so horribly being strangled by the malicious @steemcleaners (censor) bot nuking now a half dozen of my posts and robing all of my funds on 3 of them and nearly all of 2 others, with no warning or reply to my pleas for help. Anyway, sorry to complain...
Real talk.
Word.I thought of you when I wrote it. You told me once you just write and post. It just came out and I posted. No bullshit, just hit the button.
Honestly and from the heart. I like this thing you wrote - it's an art!
Mind blown.
Very nice writing! I like it a lot. I feel the cathartic nature of what came out here, and am very happy that writing proved a medium for you to have that release.
What came out was truly beautiful and touching.
I hope you will continue to find release through your writing. You have a definite innate skill in articulating feelings and creatively expressing them... judging by this first piece!
Keep up the amazing work and I look forward to reading more from you.
With Love
Hart Floe Poet
♥
Do you write them daily or are they pre_written?
I have nothing pre-written. But I will take that as a compliment.
This one was tapped straight into my phone, one draft then uploaded.
I did an edit after I posted it as it was a bit clunky in parts.
Sometimes things are hard to dig up, this one wasn't. It was a cathartic journal of sorts.
I don't have any poems. I hadn't written a poem before I started on steemit, so have only thrown things together for impulsive posts or contests.
I enjoy it though.
You seem to be holding out on posting, I have checked a few times. Or am I naive in assuming everyone is like me and only uses one account?
This is a perfect poem for the many double faced people in our lives
Don't tell me you are not a genius
When I look, all I see is wonder