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RE: Please Don't. A Poem. Day 21. Steemit Poetry School 100 Days of Poetry.
I'm intimidated to post critique on this piece. Lol. But, here goes.
Don't mould me to this form,
Then allege my words I borrow.
The 'my words' is awkward to my ear. Maybe 'the words'
Also
Don't state I am surrounded,
When I blink and you all flee.
I'm not quite sure what is being said.
Maybe - Don't state I am surrounded, or Don't state, "I am surrounded,"
Or
Don't state that I am surrounded,
Or
Don't state that I'm surrounded,
I like your couplet delivery for this piece.
This is really good advice @acousticsteveo. I thought they were both clunky. This was the most impulsive posts I have done so far.
Is it cheating to edit? Or is that the purpose?
How funny. It does read a bit scary when I look at it from your perspective. Kind of like -
Don't you dare critique
Unless you want to start a fight.
This relates to my experience with protracted sickness, attitude from doctors, medical staff, and family and friends who have vanished.
It was great to listen to the class the last couple of days. I enjoyed it. I tried messaging you on discord actually, but your settings prevented the message from sending.
Thank you for this. I appreciate you taking the time.
@girlbeforemirror,
This is your Best Poem!
Ideas, ideals and insights ... beautiful contrasts!
You're lucky I don't know where you live. If you haven't edited in 10 times (at a bare minimum) then you shouldn't be hitting "Post."
Editing is so important that I require being in a different frame-of-mind (than that in which I wrote the poem) to do it.
Great poem.
It was the easiest write. I think because I referenced my own perspective. When I try to create something fictional or try to write from another perspective rather than broadcast my emotions, I get completely stuck.
I then attempt to compensate by hitting the thesaurus, and all I have is a few meaningless conceited sentences.
That is what happened with this, I ditched the piece I had, then just typed this into my phone while my family watched TV, and hit post.