When I Fall - An Original Poem - Steemit Exclusive ( A new Experimental Piece hope you like it :P )
When I Fall
I want you all with me
When I Fall
I want none of you
When I Fall
Everyone's laughing
When I Fall
Do I feel pain
When I Fall
What is left on the floor
When I Fall
Will I stand up
When I Fall
Would anyone care
When I Fall
Two like me will rise
When I Fall
I will be still climbing
When I Fall
I fly to meet the ground
When I Fall
I find the meaning of all
By Angel Veselinov
What you guys do when you Fall ?
I have red in today's daily dose one really nice piece and post from @quillfire . It was about how poets suffer from suicidal tendencies and some poetry was compared. I think this poem is a quite an example of the suicidal types because I used 'I' too much. But than at the same time the meaning is different so I don't know. Take it for what is worth and be sure I am no where near to suicide yet... God Bless You All Peace and Love.
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When i fall i find out what made me fall, then i try to avoid it and move on with my life
I really like it @angelveselinov. The frequency of your use of "I" is completely warranted, it is called "When I fall", after all!
I found every verse provoked some memory or thought, and I particularly liked the last half. Especially "Two like me will rise", it made me think that it would be "someone like me" who would help me up.
Also the imagery from; "I fly to meet the ground" is inspired. Great piece, thank you!
I am flattered that you liked it. You look like you know your poetry. If you want come and join us we are a new group for poets and poetry lovers. Here is the link if you are interested. https://discord.gg/665VTUs Thanks for stopping by it was pleasure meeting ya.
@angelveselinov,
I appreciated the use of contrasts in the beginning of the piece with the couplet:
in that it established the paradoxical lens that the piece is read through, as succinctly summed up by your last line capping all the negative connotations with falling with:
weather this is in death, or just from learning from one's mistakes, I think there is a lot to take away from a simple premise.
Nice execution, Angel (and I mean that in the writing sense ^_^ )
Thank you man. It means a lot to hear it from you. Since it was really new to me to write such a piece. I really did not expect it myself to make anything good actually...
You wrote an excellent start to the poem. I kind of wish that it was full of dichotomy and opposition all throughout - but at the same time I like that you did not keep that repetition. There is still the contrast, and it bouncing up and down,.
I quite enjoyed this line. It felt so graceful!
'When I fall, two like me will rise..' just this little bouquet of words say it all. Great work!