Unschooling after separation
How on earth do you work out the unschooling/home-education journey when your relationship ends? This is the six million dollar question that I'm trying to work through at the moment.
A few months ago, my wife and I parted company. We have one daughter, 4 year old Amber Melody, who's as smart as she is cute, and since she was born we have both been in complete step about parenting styles. We have done attachment parenting, with her mum effectively being with her 24/7 pretty much since birth.
But this way of doing things had a massive and devastating impact upon our relationship, and we parted company back in July this year.
As I start to move on with my life, what is now coming up is that it is becoming increasingly more likely that our long term plan of unschooling may no longer be something we can do practically.
So the other day, we started visiting primary schools in the area, and were pleased to discover that there is an appetite amongst headteachers in the area for flexi-schooling. In other words, the ability to have our little one be at a school for a couple of days a week (or even part days), and us continuing to work on an unschooling/home-education basis alongside.
And it's brought up so much for me, because it is very clear that with the very best of intentions, one of the most difficult situations to deal with now is not that my wife and I have to work out our lives separately, but that one thing which is massively important to both of us may be slipping away.
Especially when you are trying your best to set clear boundaries between each other for how we do things and organise moving forward in the best interests of our most precious thing.
So, instead of being a blog post where I give my opinion, I'd be really keen to hear from other parents who may have found themselves in similar (or different) situations after separation. It just may be that there's some great nuggets of incredible wisdom on this platform (I know there is), and I would love to get additional insights.
Thanks parenty friends.
Hi :-) Well being a single Dad, with a Daughter, and all the responsibilities on my plate, it can be a challenge. I am going to be homeschooling mine as well next year. But it sounds to me like you got a good game plan going on especially with your current situation, with flexible schooling. Sometimes there are no easy answers and we do the best we can.
The best thing you can do is focus on your daughter and work as a team for her benefit. As she sees that you are working together giving it 110%, it will help in the long run.
Have a great day! :-)
Thanks @inthenow. Sometimes it's just good to know there are others with similar issues out there. Appreciate the support.
That is not an option here in the US, at least not where I am. Sounds like a great idea though. My boy, @walky123 , gets straight A's and does very well on the stupid state standardized tests so I feel the school is killing him intellectually. The situation is not unschooling him, but when to take him out and let him start learning again.
Hey. It's a challenge. When my first husband and I split up, I found jobs where I could take my boy with me. Mostly I worked elder care, and they loved him. Then I had my daughter, and her dad wasn't down with me not working. So, we did a lot of different things. Sometimes I had kids at work with me. Sometimes we traded off, so I worked when he was with them and vice versa. I helped start a Sudbury school, which is like an unschooling school, so that was really perfect until I moved away from it. I'm not aware of any Sudbury in England, but I could be wrong. There's a summerhill, but I'm pretty sure it's only boarding. Anyway, I may be in that situation again soon with my younger two (do I just have horrible taste?). At this point my plan would be to keep doing location independent work. I'd have to work mostly when they're with him or start paying someone to watch them a couple days a week. I've thought about starting another Sudbury, but it's such a pain in the ass.
There is a Sudbury School setting up in East Kent. There are also lots of home ed 3-day a week type set-ups all over the place. Summerhill is only boarding, you are right.
I'm in Birmingham and trying to set something up if anyone is interested to get involved please get in touch.
That's fantastic. If you are going to set up something Sudbury, get in touch with Sudbury valley for sure. They're really supportive. Also Crystal at the school in Amsterdam is amazing and supportive.
Hi @anarcotech, sorry to hear about the split. Have you read Jesper Juul books as a couple? They are amazing talking a lot about how to be your own person and great parents (also relevant for separated parents).
I don't have advice other than that your daughter will be ok no matter what you decide to do or what you will be forced to do by circumstances. You both love her and she will develop into a person with good and bad experiences and will learn from them. Don't beat yourself up if it's not 'perfect' it will still be good enough!! You sound like a great dad.
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My ex-wife and I split 2 years ago. We now have a 4 year old who is ready to start school, and we're in the exact same boat. We plan to do whatever is best for little Carlin.
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Cheers @steemparents. Thanks for the support, good to know sometimes that others really do understand where you're at.