Self-compassion at work?

The idea of compassion or kindness in the workplace may seem odd. All companies are – and must be – driven by the profit motive. Government agencies are being asked to do more with less than ever. And with this comes a culture centred around working hard, and as a manager, making ‘rational’, ‘tough’ decisions. Performance and productivity are king.

Most of us can swallow the idea of looking out for our colleagues, which, let’s face it, reflects a pretty basic human tendency. But the idea of bringing ‘compassion’ into the workplace? That’s a bit fluffy. And self-compassion?

Most workplaces are about being seen to be resilient and at times, tough. Toughness with those around us, and of course, with ourselves. We’re forever talking and thinking about meeting our KPIs and budgets, helped along by the incentivised pay systems we’ve signed up to.

A manager’s natural response when placed under pressure from above is to fight fire with fire. It’s the ‘fight’ part of ‘fight or flight’. Push harder, and push those around me harder, to get the job done.

But there’s growing evidence that this approach isn’t working. According to Comcare, ‘mental stress’ accounts for one third of worker’s compensation payouts across Australia, and payouts currently average $250,000 per recipient. It is estimated that stress-related absence at work is costing Australian employers about $30 billion per year. That’s almost 2% of Australia’s annual GDP! A recent survey found that around 60 per cent of people in Australia didn’t enjoy their jobs (we don’t know how much of this can be attributed to workplace stress), but it’s still a sobering figure.

USA, New Jersey, Jersey City, Young woman working in office. Image shot 2011. Exact date unknown.

Something needs to change.

Although there are a bunch of environmental factors driving these figures (ever-increasing work hours, job demands and travel times, etc), the way we respond to stress has a big part to play.

The typical response to a stressful situation is ‘flight or fight’. It worked wonders on the African plains facing woolly headed mammoths. But not so well when the stressor is inside our head. The common story of a high-stress worker is slugging your guts out at work all day (fighting) and then drowing it all at the pub or at home by night (fleeing). The effect of long-term stress is known as allostatic load, resulting in greater risk of heart disease, osteoporosis and metabolic syndrome.

Self-compassion presents an alternative. Rather than fighting or fleeing threatening situations (and the thoughts and feelings that go with them), self-compassion involves embracing our difficulties and being kind to ourselves in the face of them.

In a work context, self-compassion involves 1) accepting whatever pressure we’re under and the unpleasant feelings and thoughts that come with it; 2) putting our stress into perspective (ie, acknowledging that stress and pressure are a part of work and living, and that the current issue is not – and need not – be the end of the world); and 3) moving forward with an attitude of openness and kindness to our circumstances and to ourselves. In essence self-compassion means fully embracing our circumstances (and our own internal thoughts and feelings), and responding in an open and kind way. So it’s about how we wish to ‘be’ in the presence of stress.

That’s not to say that someone with self-compassion can’t take a tough decision, take a stand or back out of a dysfunctional environment. Self-compassion is about the way we relate to our experience – not the content of it. And it turns out to be a pretty powerful tool when faced with stress: Researchers have found that people with high levels of self-compassion experience less anxiety, stress, depression and shame; and more life satisfaction, happiness, gratitude and optimism.

But does that make self-compassionate people less focused on doing well? You might expect that self-compassionate people lose their ‘edge’ and their drive to succeed?

Not so, says the research. The opposite is actually true: People with high levels of self-compassion take more of a learning approach to their challenges, take greater responsibility and are more accountable for their choices than those low in self-compassion.

Why? Because a stressful deadline presents a HUGE threat to someone who stakes their whole identity on it. Taking responsibility and ‘owning’ one’s performances is also a big threat if you’re tough on yourself. You’ve got much more to lose. Being self-compassionate ‘frees up’ critical mental and emotional energy that can be used to actually solve the problem at hand (rather than just stressing about it). And if you fail, it’s not the end of the world. So you’ll be more likely to stand up and take responsibility.

Lastly, and perhaps most interesting of all, people with self-compassion are much better placed to look after the needs of others. Research has found that individuals high in self-compassion who perform high-stress caring roles are much less likely to suffer from burn-out. Busy managers who are kind on themselves are less likely to burn out, are more likely to empathise and are less likely to pass on their stress on their subordinates. And there is research evidence that self-compassionate and mindful leaders have better functioning and more engaged teams.

So the next time you’re faced with a stressful deadline or project, notice your response. Do you go with fight and flight? Or are you able to make room for a more compassionate response – to yourself and to those you work with?

Image source: Pixabay.com