Ever have the feeling that life has taken you hostage? You are not alone!

I feel like I often see in media inspirational videos on "how to get the most out of life" and "how to reach your potential" and the like. While I'm a fan of positive psychology, I don't think that a one-size-fits all prescription for life is very helpful.

The reality is many of us feel helpless and powerless to change many aspects of everyday life that may not fulfill us. We've made major life choices that has taken years or even decades to play out - and yet, after investing so much of our time and effort (as well as forgoing other paths of course), we realize that we not really happy with where we ended up. Many times dropping everything and starting from scratch is not an option.

Photo by Atik sulianami on Unsplash

What the self-help books never mention is a scenario like this: you quit your well-paying job to start the business you've always wanted, the business tanks and you go into bankruptcy. Or this: you follow your heart and move to a new country to be with the love of your life only to find out that they are narcissistic, abusive, and controlling. Or even this: you have a great career and a partner and kids who love you, but you feel empty and exhausted and yet would feel like you'd be riddled with guilt if you left them.

The reality is, when you made major life choices, you had limited information and no guarantees that your choice was the right one. Also, many choices such as a marriage partner or a career take many many years to develop, and during this development we usually won't easily jump ship with the idea that it's a work in progress. Even when we realize it was the wrong partner or career we chose, jumping ship is not easy and also often not simple. And even if we decide to jump ship, sometimes the fear or starting anew is so daunting, we simply stay where we are.

Photo by Dirk Sebregts on Unsplash

So self-actualization seems a whole lot more daunting when you are currently entrenched in reality - as most of us are. Therefore, I think it would be more helpful for most of us gave us to receive some hints on how free ourselves from the bondage of our current situations (or the mentality that we have that keeps us there). Because in order to get into the positive, one first needs to get out of the negative.

It's like that scene in Never Ending Story where Atreyu and his horse are in the swamp of sadness and the horse gives into the sadness and starts to sink into the quicksand. It seems laughable to imagine that the best way of talking him out of his situation is to talk about how much potential he has to save the world as he is stuck in that quagmire of mud and sadness and self-defeat. They say that you have to be able to help yourself before you can help someone else. And I believe the first step to helping yourself involves honest self-examination (not always pleasant but always challenging!). One book I've found to be very helpful in this process is called was Fight: Win Freedom From Self-Sabotage by Hazel Gale.

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Welcome to my blog! Here I explore topics such as mindfulness, health, training, nutrition and psychology. I'm a neuroscientist turned yoga teacher, and in my pastime, I'm an avid rock climber, freediver and traveler so expect occasional forays into those topics too.