One of the Deeper Causes of Anger that Needs To HEal Now.. Plus, How Patriotric Military Programs Relate To My Own Mis-aligned Psychology!
As I go deeper into my feelings and what was once my sub conscious and unconscious self, I find ever more electrical layers in me that are thoughtforms that have stuck with me for many years - keeping me stuck in what seemed at the time to be salvation, but which in truth were self created traps... Let's explore the one I found today!
As thinking and feeling beings, we are directly affected through our feelings and our thinking is altered by our feelings. If we do not fully understand the need for real feelings and their use to us, we might easily decide that they are problems that need to be controlled or rejected.
In my case, I found that when I was at school - as a young boy - I was programmed and conditioned to think and feel that if I showed my fears then I would be attacked.. After all, bullies, like dogs (allegedly) smell fear!
Instead of realising or being guided to realise that I need to listen to my fears, accept them and allow them to evolve - I decided to control them and hide them. This 'hero shield' program was designed to give an impression of being 'worthy' and strong and unshaken to those around me, so that they would not attack me; however, gradually this proved that it only worked up to a point and in the long run has caused considerable pain and injury to me.
(Note: 'Hero Shield Program' sounds A LOT like some kind of American military program, alleged to 'protect against terror').
As long as we are in denial of our real feelings, even if we are denying them for what we think is a very good reason - we are not being our full self and are actually weaker. We introduce the potential for all manner of self destruction and dysfunction this way too. Perhaps you can see more now of why so many soldiers (soul-diers) commit suicide after being programmed with 'hero' and 'warrior' mentalities in their training and propaganda programming sessions in military schools?
In my own case, this self control program brought with it a general desire (barely noticed) to generally want to control my emotions to stop them 'distracting me' (while thinking) and also, as mentioned, to stop them appearing to make me look 'weak'. It has taken a lot of time, work and energy to bring my consciousness back to a state of innocence and full integrity, such that I can look at this again and clear out the old programs.
I was drawn into this subject today by noticing how I was being triggered into anger by people close to me, even when I knew mentally that I could see the situation in a way that didn't anger me. This was a clue that told me that my anger was not caused by these other people, but by something inside of me that is much older than their presence.
I realised that my anger at these people was because they were causing me to feel certain feelings that I had classed as being 'unruly', 'uncomfortable' or 'imbalanced' - they had stopped my plan of controlling myself and I was angry with them.
I quickly realised that since I already know that self emotional control is counter productive, I needed to clear out these old beliefs which say that I must control myself. After having forgiven myself for believing and judging for so long that my emotions need to be controlled and releasing these old judgments, I can see and feel clearly that this was sorely needed for me to feel peaceful.
Now, instead of being angry with the other people who trigger me emotionally in some way that I do not prefer, I can more easily process the situation without any hostility and reach understanding of what is needed for balance to be increased even more. Real anger is not wrong, it moves to keep us safe, however - false anger and other false feelings - can be caused by our own incorrect belief systems and they do not serve us, they are only useful to help us track down the false beliefs that cause them in us so that we can clear them out.
If someone is really causing me a problem and I feel that the issue is in them, rather than them being a reflection of my own issues that I need to face - I can now allow my real feelings to tell me and if I need to move away I will do... Or maybe, if they are open - then I can help them directly.
There's a lot to let sink in here - although it's just a short post. How many more of the dysfunctions in our societal structures, such as courts, governments and schools are taking their form from dysfunctional beliefs, programs and habits we hold but don't even know we hold? My answer to that is: All of them ;)
Wishing you well,
Ura Soul
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This is so well said here...very often things that upset us are due to our own internal filters and stories getting triggered. But sometimes the trigger really is someone or something outside of us that needs to be dealt with. Your years of self reflection and internal work has brought you such Clear seeing ! 🙌🏽🙏🏽 Which allows you to discern the difference.
I love the saying, “don’t believe everything you think.” Examine our feelings to find the truth within them (internal vs external triggers) You do this so well 😊
Thankyou! I am particularly focusing now on the beliefs created while younger than 8 years old as they are a bit blurly and lost now but definitely still active!
I have that phrase "don't believe everything you think" on the refrigerator here to inspire visitors - hehe. <3
Ok, this is a thoughtful one with practical knowledge.
It takes a lot of strength to un-learn so many things especially after being deposited in our sub-concious, but this is important...it makes for maturity and helps you appreciate life in a better way.
Accepting your feelings instead of denying them is something that is hardly taught to avoid being seen as "weak".
But actually, it is correct to accept them, process them and deal accordingly instead of just denying and end up killing...the feeling part of your human
Good adjusments!
Excellent, yes! We must not become just another NUMBer ;)
hiding fear is definitely not a good option, we can not avoid it. we have to accept this sooner or later then why not accept our fears now?
Thank you for your honesty and your post. I today was struggling with a similar emotion and feeling the same way: Feeling vulnerable is something I frowned upon, but feeling vulnerable is truly brave.
You are welcome - oh yes, our programs are quite often backwards... hence our huge problems!
Argument well presented.....all of our being is organic in the sense of process. Emotion and thoughht are part of the process hence they are necessarily organic in emergence as is the universe. upvote and resteem from me and promoted.. peace brother.
Thankyou!
I think that the most difficult emotion to control is anger, since from one moment to another you totally lose self-control. What depression, insecurity and fear are are what we usually keep and we are puppets of them. Once we know how to keep them out, our peace of mind will be more constant.
Part of the purpose of anger is to break our own self control, since self control prohibits free expression and expansion. When self control ends, we can find out how we really feel.. free from denial.
Someone else feeling the full moon and that unique taurus house window of opportunity!
Fantastic image and intro about the experience of bullying. Huge and important problem. We as adults see things so much clearer though. Thanks for writing this :)
Very true! I was made angry but my mother this evening (not a comparison) We had a conversation about planter for my garden I specifically said I did not want plastic one and waited to recycle. Today she bought me four large plastic ones. I know I should be grateful but it infuriates me she does this a lot buy something without asking when she's know I have a specific design I want, she's decide my test is too expensive or not to her taste grr. If I complain or say not I just get called ungrateful and she rings my sister crying saying I was bulling her. I know I should be grateful and am in the wrong but if fucking pisses me off . When we had an hour conversation about how I didn't want cheap plastic and wanted to building it out of renewable resources ahhhhhh Sorry rant over I need to realise some dysfunctions here I think. Unfortunately I can't move away 💯🐒