The Wonder of Forgiveness

Are you still holding onto old grudges or grievances? The 'F' word does not mean condoning what someone did. Forgiveness is about choosing mental peace for your own benefit. Forgiveness takes a load of your shoulders. You can feel happy and free. The opposite weighs you down, as if carrying loads of weights on your shoulders. Having a 'couldn't care' attitude makes you a selfish person.

Forgiveness is the best form of a healthy self-interest. According to Archbishop Emeritus Desmond Tutu, the antiapartheid activist and chairman of the Truth and Reconciliation Commission witnessed the suffering of many and realized that forgiveness is the best way we can bring peace to ourselves and the world we live in. As patron of the Forgiveness Project, he says: "You can come out the other side a better person than the one being consumed by anger and hatred. Remaining that way locks you in victim mode, making you almost dependent on the perpetrator. If you can find it in yourself to forgive, then you're no longer chained to the perpetrator. You can move on and you could even help the perpetrator to become a better person too."

Tutu and his daughter, Mpho, explain how forgiveness is the greatest gift we can give ourselves when we've been wronged. They break the process down into 4 steps : naming the hurt, telling the story granting forgiveness, renewing or releasing the relationship.

The process may require acknowledgement on the part of the perpetrator that they have committed an offense. Forgiveness helps you accept situations that seem unfair. Perhaps you rent has increased, unexpected traumas have occurred and wrongdoing towards you. Try to let justice takes its course and then let go, because holding onto the grudge eats away at you, not the perpetrator, and prevents you from putting your time and energy into other fruitful avenues.

Of course, feelings can't just be flipped around, but you can shift towards a new way of operating in the world. Experts explain : "Hatred and resentment have a tight grip in the same way that the more one focuses on a problem, the more ingrained it becomes. Forgiveness results in loosening of that tight grip. It's in that space that the possibility for healing and a new perspective can be found."

Resentment is like drinking poison and hoping it will kill your enemies and it can greatly affect your health and energy levels. Forgiveness helps you accept situations that seem unreasonable and helps personal growth.

Sources : Excerpts from 'The book of forgiving' by Archbishop Desmond Tutu, Catriona Ross, Pixabay.