Happy Place
And how are your nipples?
I retreated to my happy place and sang childhood songs in my head to blot out the conversation in my living room. The doula was here for her post birth visitation. She and the good lady were discussing stuff that should remain in the dark.
No cracking, redness?
Boak. I remember when they used to be my toys. Now what were they? Slobbery nub nubs for a baby's delectation. I pulled the mental pillow even tighter over my ears.
How was the birth for you Boom Dawg?
I noticed that both of them were looking at me. The Doula and the good lady. Like I was a mouse at a hawk's tea party. What? What had she said? How was the birth for me?
Would it be ok to say it was like that bit in Empire Strikes Back where Han slices open the TaunTaun's belly and all its guts fall out when he was saving a frozen Luke Skywalker? No, better stay safe.
Oh it was fine.
Fine?
The Doula tilted her head quizzically as if figuring out how best to devour the fine specimen in front of her. The good lady was not looking too impressed either at my lack of loquacity.
Dammit, they needed more? Alright then. Double barrels...
Yeah, it was a doddle really.
It was like a dog had ran into the room and shat on the carpet. They looked at me with a heavy combination of disgust and disdain.
What the heck did they want from me? It was done. Couldn't we move on? The good lady shook her head like a cow being irritated by flies. Oh oh, I recognised that look.
Well. A doddle for me obviously. I mean, I just had to stand there.
By now the stares were gorgon-esque in their intensity. Fuck, fuck, fuckity baws... I had to get out of this. And fast. But what. They seemed to want something from me, something more. Like ravening zombies hungering for flesh. Wait...
I mean, I did cry. I cried. A lot.
I pushed my bottom lip out in the patented sad-face.
Awwwwww.
Chorused the good lady and the Doula. They swiftly moved their raptor gazes away from me and got back to talking of Calendula petals, inverted things and cracked nipples.
I erected my mental shields against it all again and retreated back to my happy place
Your post made me think about how the behavior of women around changed after I got married.
Other women, knowing that you're married, can discuss their... things, even in the absence of your wife. They don't even know your wife, they are just colleagues at work. But for some reason, they think that once you're married, you already know all these...things.
Therefore, they are not shy talking about bleeding, diarrhea, hair on their asses, the cracks between fingers, eating little boys, until they had time to grow into a man...
I believe that women and men are not supposed to talk about everything, must be some physiological-secrets ;)
I am with you one hundred percent. There has to be a little mystique.
I have experienced it at work. Women talking to be about things I would rather not know about. One in particular was hair on her ass. I was like, oh come on!!!
hehehehehe!!!! oh man, I think you absolutely hit the nail on the head for the awkwardness ALL men feel in situations like that lol!
Love that! >:D Often safer to hide away in one's happy place hey...
So @meesterboom - how was this comment? Was it "fine"? lol :p (Don't run away now! lol)
On a slightly different note - been meaning to make contact with you but can never seem to get steemit chat to work, so comments it is (so apologies for the brazen and somewhat impersonal approach lol)
I recently launched a server for "Steemit Bloggers" on discord... and as you are what I consider an AWESOME writer, I thought I would drop you an invite, should you wish to "pop by" :)
https://discordapp.com/invite/gRypnga
Oh that's awfully nice of you. Both the content and the invite!
I like discord now. I shall endeavour to pop over and see what's shaking baby!! :0D
I cried! I cried! lol - good thing you remembered that!
Those doulas are all so serious-pants ;-)
As soon as you mention the man tap getting turned on they let you off with anything. Its fantastic! You are right, the doulas can be awfully serious!
Hee hee, I remember when Howie had the same complaint, that his 'fun bags' had been usurped :)
If the good lady does have any trouble with cracking nips, tell her to get the clear vitamin e capsules, the kind you generally swallow, break them open and rub the oil on....or you can do it for her, lol!
Wow, that's a good tip! I would help her run them on but seeing a second child nuzzle in and treat them like stretchy toys had ruined them for me!
Hi @dreemit! @meesterboom is sending you 0.1 SBD tip and @tipU upvote
:)
@tipU - send tips by writing tip! in the comment, get share of the profit :)I'm a woman. Thank god no one has talked to me about hair on their ass or other gross stuff. The comments have scarred me. You have to look intimidating I think. Doesn't help in your own marriage though.
Ah the comments in this one were a little scarring. The hair on the ass. It took me a while to look at foxy ladies in the same way again ;0D
Hahhahaaha Oh you MAN you!
Double damn tooting!! Lol!!
hahahahhahahahahaha
Well played, Boom. They were out for blood alright!
Oh yeah, no prisoners!
Nope... I got nothin! LOLz!
My poor nub nubs :0D
you are great dear friend @meesterboom, I love how you handle everyday situations, I admire the character you have, bad weather good face.
I must admit that the story made me laugh a lot.
I wish you a beautiful day
Always glad to raise a giggle @jlufer. All the best to you :0)
Hmm, that does sound like a loaded question. Really, how could you know if the person wasn't coming out of you? I'm on your side with this one for sure Boom.
Totally, I mean I wasn't straining and pushing and stuff. I was just standing about looking all manly ;0)