Beard
Hey, big chap, you growin a beard?
I stopped to face the madman who had shouted and stroked my fine mane of face hair which hung glossily from my handsome face.
Ah, you noticed!
I had popped out for a bit of lunch and was returning to the office, sandwich in hand when Stevie from work had bellowed at me. Of course, I couldn't blame him for noticing such man'ity even on such a crowded street as we found ourselves.
Stevie's face morphed through the full gamut of emotions available to someone of his intellect, which seemed to be only: chewing, surprise and ejaculating.
Ye livin in the woods noo? The missus chuck ye oot?!
He cackled.
Ha, definitely not young feller me jib. No matter how I treat your missus, I don't think she will ever throw me out!
Stevie's eyes narrowed.
Aye very good, Beard Grylls.
At this he bent over almost double and walked off laughing. I fingered my face-minge thoughtfully then walked off. Some fellows simply couldn't help being envious of those with finer things.
Back at my desk I happily munched my sandwich through a thatch of man hair. My own, I might add.
Some manager woman walked past and jerked as if shot when catching sight of my luscious face ornament. She sidled up to me and giggled.
Did you cover your face in glue and rub a mouse on it?
She said, rather snarkily.
I raised an eyebrow as if squinting through a particularly dirty telescope.
Did you smear yourself in said glue and roll yourself through a charity shop this morning?
What?
Her cheeks flamed as she looked down aghast, as if seeing her cheap and tawdry outfit for the first time.
I stroked my magnificent beard gently with my index finger and thumb and watched her retreating back. Perhaps I should get some cedarwood oil to condition this fine animal on my face?
It's safe to say that throughout the day my new beard drew some comments. This new life as a bearded man did seem to be attracting some ire but despite this, I quite liked it. In fact, I decided to keep this opulent mass of fur on my face. For too long I had been a smoothie.
I arrived home. As I walked into the lounge the good lady stared at me in absolute horror.
What is that on your face?
This?
I said, stroking my face-mane indulgently.
Yes, that bumfluff fuzz on your cheeks? Didn't you shave this morning?
I didn't really have time.
She laughed a tinkling laugh.
It looks like a cat has farted on your face.
I narrowed my eyes. Even my own good lady was a hater??! Fine, I would lose the beard...
This time...
I was going through old comments for nostalgia's sake when I found your encouraging post in my article about the burrito I bought with my first Steemit earnings.
Look at how far you've come since then! I'm not far behind. Bet you're as glad as I am that you stuck to it, what with the recent surge in STEEM and SBD price. :)
Hey hey!! That's awesome eh! It is good to have hung around. I bet all the folk who rage quit have egg on their faces now!!
In the mood for a burrito now, I will don't seem a shrimp one here!
It's an ongoing frustration to me that many friends I talk into joining then despair that they haven't seen immediate results. As in, after 1 to 3 days. I made zero dollars and zero cents for my entire first month, if you'll recall.
It's like anything else, you have to play to win. Sure, sometimes it gets really lean. Dire, even. But then other times it surges. The thing is, you need to have already stuck at it and become established to benefit from those surges.
I wish I knew how to convince them to take a longer view of things. One year is not a significant time investment to go from $0 USD per post to (currently) $200-$300 USD. People just get discouraged easily and quit. The successful few are just the stubborn ones who kept at it.
I couldn't put it better myself. I had one friend who joined and stick with it for about two months, in the last few weeks of that two months he got picked up by curie twice getting a payout of eight odd dollars on two separate posts. However when he didn't start getting that on every post he quit.
Its very short sighted. You are so right about the surges. There have been exceptionally lean times and just when you think it's getting awful something big usually happens!
Ive had a few buddies from YouTube that did that. Im actually making them a deal for their Steem for Paypal. TBH it kind of pisses me off that they quit.
Yeah the rage quitters probably see DLive, DTube, Steepshot, Steemit, Busy.org, and Zappl and say......Fuuuuuuuck
They see them and weeeeep!!!
Post highlights:
"I fingered my face minge..."
"Did you smear yourself in glue and roll through a charity shop?"
"You look like a cat farted on your face."
Hilarious man!
😂
Hehe, aw cheers dude! I like letting my mind go sometimes! :OD
Probably the greatest thing I will read all day.
Although my beard grows in patchy in some places I still can't help but want to keep growing it more. To bad anything long enough to pull on is too long for work. :(
So when do we get to see this fine mane you have?
Edit: I know now why you and the lady get along so well. ;) As her comment trumped all the others! Ahh hahaha.
~ @Timbo
It was a good one from her!! She won!!
Damn these works and their beard regulations!
Thank you for posting @meesterboom.
Very humourous story and illustrations.
You outdid yourself today......'tinkling laugh'....beautiful...
I could not imagine what would be behind the lead illustration...it is hilarious. ^__^
Wishing you and yours all the best. Cheers.
Hello @bleujay!
Sorry for the delayed response I missed a big chunk of my replies somehow!!
Hehe, I was incredibly proud of my silly stubble. I felt like a bearded king. Till the good lady set me straight though lol!!
All the best!! :0)
My son with his Christmas shirt:
Oh man, that is fantastic!!!
lol.....Great belly laugh this morning sir....even the mister laughed. You are so witty.
Actually it reminds me of things I'd often hear from the adults when I was a kid -
Her face is like a mile of torn up street.
She looks like a can of crushed worms.
Her face would stop a bus.
and on and on.
But ... I _will_use the glue and charity shop statement sometime today. :)
I love to come up with descriptions and it's nice someone's for them not always to be genitalia related lol!
that is true and wise as well......you have to change things up a little sometimes :)
Always!! :0)
Up until this very sentence, I had a visual of you with a very manly beard, ready to go out hunting for food....
Happy to welcome you some other time in the land of beardies (is that even a real world word?) You know what I mean!
Hehe, I know what you mean!
Yeah, in my head it was a lustrous thing, in real life. It wa a tad shabby and patchy lol!
Hahahaha, your good lady totally got you this time... I can see why you let her hang around.
I am exceptionally manly in the face... but far less so on the head. It's an odd if common situation but funnily enough no one teases the bumfluff fuzz on the top of my head, which is a shame because I've been thinking of genius retorts for years.
Ugh... smoothies. Can't trust a smoothie... how can you trust anyone who eats food and leaves no clues for others to see? What are they trying to hide exactly?
Exactly, what are they trying to hide! Oh wait, I am one again! Nothing, they are hiding nothing! lol
Hahahaha, classic smoothie.
I'm almost 30 years old, but my beard does not grow evenly, I have a bald spot in the middle of the cheekbones. I tried shaving this place more often to promote the growth of men's wool and stimulated it by other illegal means... doesn't work. Besides, I do have a cat, so
-is the motto of my defective beard
Lol, I think we are similar. Beard just does not grow. My stubble comes in patchy and oddly coloured. I look a stramash, I am glad to be rid of it!
If she really said you look like a cat farted on your face I have fallen in love with a woman.
So I got on today and found that the automated voter, which I'd intended to ditch, but then didn't because lately it was very convenient and almost necessary, seems to have ditched me instead. Just caught up on some of the more important voting. Yes, of course me boom is a part of that!
On a more gripey note, my back went out on me like an old fucking woman and I'm really pissy about it, had to use a heating pad and everything. Bullshit I tell you, the universe is an asshole sometimes, can't just let you have one form of anguish at a god damn time.
Okay griping is over.
You with a beard, hm, well if it were to be allowed to grow in fully, you never know. At least a goatee? ;)
Lol, I couldn't even manage a goatee. My 'beard' is a tremulous thing. All fluff and air. I am relieved it is gone!
Hehe, she actually said, it looks like shady fared on your face shady being our devil woman cat but I thought it would be better not to confuse things lol!!
Fuck sake lass, tell that back of yours to get with the program or something. Is it better now? I hate the random pains of becoming wiser ;0)
Yeah, I am quite new to the auto vote thing. I don't like it, it can be a blessing but it also remove you slightly from the action I think?