My Dad ❤

In 10 days it will be one year since I lost my step dad, but he's been in my life since I was six. He was my dad, he taught me how to drive and got me my first dog. He always had my back, no matter what. He taught me everything I know about wood and how to build. He left me all his tools, we used to make everything together, he taught me how to use every drill, and saw. He taught me how to weld and put up fencing. Every chicken coop I had we built together, we even built the barn before he died. He was the strongest man I knew, he was diagnosed with gastric cancer, and they gave him 6 months. He said no, he literally said "no, I'm not going to die" and he didn't. Not when they said he would at least, it was stage four and he started treatment right away, but it metastasized to his esophagus. He couldn't eat anymore, but he was still outside everyday, doing somthing new, creating somthing beautiful. He fought for 2 more years, and throughout that time he stayed so strong. But this time last year he dropped, fast, so fast. He couldn't stand, he couldn't carry himself, mom and I had to help him everywhere, and she couldn't do it alone. But my cousin Molly was getting married in Michigan, and he said he was fine I would only be gone 4 days. So mom and I decided to put him in a hospice facility, only while I was gone. I told him I would be back soon, and that I love him and to be good. But the day I was coming home, during my first layover he passed away. He couldn't wait, mom said he tried so hard to wait, but it was too much. She said all of a sudden he went down so quick and couldn't come back up, I think that's why it still hurts so bad. I wasn't their and I feel awful I should have been holding his hand and telling him he was a great dad, but instead I wasn't even in the state. I should have stayed by his side, I should have known. I miss him so much everyday, it hurts all the time. I thought it would be better by now, it's almost been a year, but it still feels like yesterday. Whenever I'm working outside and I can't find somthing my first thought is to call him and ask, and when i realize I can't, I cry. I love you so much Matthew, and I'm so sorry 💔

This was the last picture I took with him, right before my trip 😭

This was him in the beginning, I got him ducklings for his birthday to go on his pond, he loved them so much. We built a really cool floating dock/house for them.

This was our last family vacation, before he got to sick to go anywhere. We were in Hilton Head South Carolina. This is him after chemo, my little Horse in the back is licking his head! Another picture during chemo, with my cousin Perry! We are holding some of the chick's he got me. This is one of my favorite pictures of us, we were carving pumpkins. ❤ This is one of the worst 💔 I was so scared that night, all night I prayed for was time. Not to cure him, just more time with him. I got it I got another month with him after this. I don't talk about it much I'm not sure why, I guess it just reminds me that he isn't coming home today, or ever. I don't like to think about it either, it still feels like he's going to come home any day and just hug me, and tell me everything is okay. But he's not and that's not okay.