OPENING the BOX of FEAR and INSECURITY...

in #life7 years ago

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“Inside every woman, is a crazy girl. And we all know what I'm talking about. That part of you that is entangled with insecurities, fears, and absolute insanity! The art of femininity lies in the molding, pounding, and defeating of that crazy girl on a daily basis! Look at any woman, and you're looking at a woman fighting a daily battle, wielding her weapons in war, every day! I have said it before and I'll say it again: it is never easy being a woman! And if we could only pound that crazy, insecure girl out of ourselves, it would make such the difference!” ― C. JoyBell C

OPENING the BOX of FEAR and INSECURITY...

......

About a year ago, I stood up in front of approx. 50 people and had to speak about my business. It was without question, the most terrifying thing I had done since jumping off a rock into a black reservoir from about 15 metres up. Everybody had to speak and as murphy would have it, I somehow ended up being last…

you know, just for good measure and adequate time for my mind to build up completely ridiculous levels of fear and doubt within. Lol!


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To be honest, I actually have absolutely NO recollection of what I spoke about! All I remember – was a big fat BLANK! The entire room went blank, the walls literally swallowed me and the rest was a complete blur! According to my friend who had accompanied me there, I spoke perfectly, but the reality for me, was that I was so completely consumed by fear and insecurity that I don’t remember any of it.

That right there – is a PRIME example of the power of emotion!
I must have literally operated on auto-pilot…
because I most certainly was NOT conscious in the moment!
That FEAR, that INSECURITY and SELF-DOUBT,
literally ROBBED me of what was an AWESOME experience!

Instead of enjoying what lay in front of me,
I was dissolved into nothing...
and so was my inner wish of being PRESENT!


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Today, I did something that forced me to face that fear of public judgement yet again. I was invited to participate in a podcast interview about a week ago and whilst the “inner me” said YES… DO IT… all my doubts simultaneously jumped on board and said “No, you are going to mess it up. You will say the wrong things, inappropriate things, you will um and ah, you will FAIL!”

Normally, those fears and insecurities win, and I will put it off or postpone it until the initiator generally gets tired and moves on – but this time I had STERN little talking to with myself! Lol… (True story!) I said “LISTEN HERE WOMAN - IF YOU DON’T DO THIS NOW, YOU ARE NEVER GOING TO GET OVER THIS FEAR!”

And so, I did it! And as ridiculous as this may sound to others, I am SUPER proud of myself! Hehehe


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Compliments of the host and his fantastically attentive engagement, he dissipated my fear within minutes and it really was an hour of fun engagement!

Irony of it all for me though, was that before life took hold of me like a set of nunchucks, swinging me from side to side, I actually used to be particularly good at public speaking and even won a few awards for it at school. Somehow, throughout my path – I lost that confidence. I lost the belief in my own ability to succeed. I lost faith in myself and most dauntingly, I have allowed the scrutinizing judgement of others to overcome me.

I have lived with this for MANY years, and let me tell you… it is NO fun! I am a pretty “outside the box” individual, so I have ALWAYS been judged! I was always different. I dressed differently, had weird tastes, went against the stream in most instances – I did things that didn’t just raise other peoples eyebrows but instead made them fall off completely, lol and most detrimental to me (in terms of being judged) was that I have ALWAYS spoken my mind… a little more than most would like!

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Society is often cruel to individuals like me and as I got older, my outward voice lowered. I turned inward and lost all my confidence and uninhibited enthusiasm… well, ok – that isn’t true… I didn’t lose it – but I did pack it away into a box, and placed it on a shelf SO high in a little room that it became almost impossible to get it down again.

Today, I found a ladder to that box on the top shelf in the dark corner – and whilst I have not taken it down yet… I did manage to reach it, took a quick peek inside and you know what… I like what I saw! It felt GOOD! It felt TRUE!


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Until next time...

Much Love from Cape Town, South Africa xxx

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Goose BUMPS!!! I loved the last quote ❤👌

Love you angel xxx

I think it makes no difference if you're woman or man. People are too judgy and everyone face with the same fears and doubts.
I overcame those fears too long ago. How? I realized it doesn't matter how many times i mess up. And you have no idea how many times i messed up. I saw people that judging me messed up even more than me.
F. them! I'm me. I'm unique and nobody can judge me, and you :)
Inspiring story, i hope you keep that box with you all the time and throw away the ladder.

I have EVERY intention of doing JUST THAT @oguylmz xxx

Think about a stadium, thousands of people shouting at you. You can't understand them, you just hear them buzzing. But you keep playing your own game no matter what they say! If you played well, you'll notice they are cheering for you..
Cheers!

AWESOME thought process!!!! Thank you xxxxxxxxx

Extraordinary, pure and heartfelt @jaynie.

It's funny how we look at those we admire most for their bravery, boldness and apparent ability to keep "it" together under the hardest conditions... and the truth is that FUD (fear, uncertainty, doubt) dwells in almost all of us.

Somehow, I am reminded of one of my own public speaking "trial by fire" moments. I have always been an introvert and public speaking is NOT my friend, but I was-- at one time-- somewhat of an expert on the marketing of small art galleries and retail businesses, so I'd get asked to give workshops at trade shows. Which was fine-- I'm good at working with 10-12 people. Or at least "used to it."

So I'm at a major retail art/craft market at the World Trade Center in Dallas, Texas, and I'm scheduled for a couple of workshops; fine. Then one of the organizers comes to me in a panic (she's also a friend) because evidently "another presenter's flight was canceled." And is there any way I would be willing to take on a third presentation since I'm a small retail expert? Without thinking, I'm saying "sure, no worries." Suddenly, it occurs to me I have three hours to modify one of my existing workshops into something different.

Oh, and another minor detail previously left out: To an audience of EIGHT. HUNDRED. PEOPLE...

I was basically jello, going into that auditorium. I really remember nothing. I was introduced. I said things. The applause seemed warm, at the end. Otherwise I remember nothing. Jules said I did an "amazing job."

I wonder, sometimes, what we really keep in our Courage Boxes. Is it our true selves? Or something to pull out when things are the most difficult? Or something to help us face down our inner demons? Or things best left there to only be used on "rainy days?"

I was basically jello, going into that auditorium. I really remember nothing. I was introduced. I said things. The applause seemed warm, at the end. Otherwise I remember nothing. Jules said I did an "amazing job."

omg @denmarkguy I think I wold have DIED!!!!! hahahaha!!!!
JELLO indeed!!!!

I would like to have enough stored in my box of courage to use a little EVERYDAY! hehe :)

Thanks for sharing that story with me... it is always nice to hear from other people and realise that you are not as "alone" in the circumstance as you thought you were.

MWAH!

#_It's not what I have been through in my life that defines who I am, it's how I got through it that has made me the person I am today

true story!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah. One step closer to fully embracing the public speaker prize winner. Well done! 👏; Glad you enjoyed it.

I'm about to open the box of fear and insecurity and post my first poem on Steemit. It's year since I've written and I'm both excited and a tad nervous about it. But hey, if you can do it, so can I! 😍

Thanks for leading the way!

do it, do it, DO IT!!!!! hehehehe xxxx

It's done!!! Argggggggh!

yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) Didnt it feel good?

It did @jaynie. it really did! Looking forward to the next topic. 😍

Soo inspirational, sometimes it's good to know that other people also struggle with the same things, we look at people from the outside and we believe they can't possibly feel the insecurity we feel. When we realize that they do, and overcome, we are encouraged to do the same. Fear of failure has been something I've struggled with for a long time but have only become fully aware if it recently and am fighting it head on. Thanks for sharing x

This is too true @janique - what people display outwardly is often a poor reflection of what they are actually dealing with inwardly... xxx

This is so inspiring.. 💕

Thank you dear. Glad you enjoyed it.

Now that's called an amazing post, we always stand before mirror and say that we are stronger than everyone but in reality when we face any awkward or uncomfortable situation, sometimes we tend to run away from this problem, so it's better to listen our innerself not upper shell of mind because our mind is easy influence box, so listen to your innerself and never enter into state of fear or doubt, if you will act then you can get results but if you doubt then your doubt will be hold you and not let you do your action and inturn you will fail to manifest your goals. I really appreciate you, because you fight with your fear and you stood with your confidence and faith and also i liked the last four lines, it describes you completely. Thanks for sharing.

Have a great day and stay blessed.

What a beautiful comment @chireerocks - thank you!!! I love how deeply you always think through everything.

so it's better to listen our innerself not upper shell of mind because our mind is easy influence box, so listen to your innerself and never enter into state of fear or doubt, if you will act then you can get results but if you doubt then your doubt will be hold you and not let you do your action and inturn you will fail to manifest your goals.

Never were truer words spoken!

Thank you again for taking the time to really read and appreciate my blog posts. I always enjoy reading your feedback.

Welcome and thank you so much for the appreciation. 🙂

Speaking on stage is by far the best thing you can do as an entrepreneur. That's the only way to get some stardom and limelight for yourself. You feel like a superhero when put up that Jacket and get on stage. Also just something random, I love to thrive on criticism as it leads to constant improvement. Have a nice day 😁 Bosslady.

Look forward to seeing you up on stage someday soon @amarbir ;)

I guess I don't have the fear of speaking in public, just the feeling of being nervous especially if i have a short time to prepare. I think preparation is like preparing the mind...
looks like dad did a good job in telling me to join competition that requires me to speak in public when i was young. It took my little heart many years to not build any fear for sure

DEFINITELY a big hats off to your dad ;)

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