You know your self esteem isn't high when you're not so much threatened by the competition as by your date herself.

Very funny! And come onnn: if your self-esteem was really that low, you wouldn't enjoy to write (or should I say invent) a story like this! :) Instead of that you probably would shamefully keep silent and 'pray' that never ever anybody would hear something about it.

I like your sense of humour and actually would not be surprised at all if in real life you and your girlfriend are having a good laugh together while reading all these worried comments about your loneliness and lack of self-esteem. :)