I Feel Like Running Away

Ever since I came back from Thailand, I’ve been having a real hard time coping with being home. I feel anxious, jittery and unmotivated. I don’t want to do anything or see anyone.

This is a new feeling for me, the feeling of wanting to leave, right now.

I’ve always been quite happy staying still, alone at home. As long as I had food and internet connection, I’ve been fine in my place. Knitting, reading books, watching tv, taking pics and sleeping when ever, and not feeling remorse when staying in all day.

Even though I’ve always liked travelling and had the desire to see new places, I was happy at home too, my city apartment or home home in the country side. Now I don’t wanna be in either one, but I don’t want to go outside either, or travel anywhere in Finland to see friends.

I feel like I SHOULD BE doing something MORE. Which is insane, because I’ve had a somewhat productive day, just like I had yesterday and the day before that. I have worked, made posts, and I have a lot of material and ideas for upcoming posts too.

Something is just bothering me.

I have airline, hotel and travel agency websites open all the time, and I’m so close to booking something now and leaving tomorrow. I want to go, and I want to go alone.

In principle, I have nobody or nothing holding me here.

The problem is that it is not even the desire to see a new place, but more of being anxious in this one, and wanting to go away. Just somewhere. I hope this feeling goes away, soon, because I don’t think it is very healthy. And it is not healthy to run away from feelings, I’m pretty sure they travel inside your head.

I am going to Budapest with @escapist in a couple of weeks, and I should be able to wait and only feel excited about that. It shouldn’t feel bad to wait just a little, but today it does. It really does feel bad.

_{Ps. @escapist, is this how you felt all those times before you left to work in other cities? I think I might finally get what you meant all those times you talked about it.}