Guilt, Guilt, Go Away! Don't Come Again Another Day!

 

I feel guilty all the time. I know...I KNOW that lots of other Moms do too. It is crazy, but no matter how hard I try to talk myself out of it, it rears its ugly head again and again. 

I feel guilty when I spend too much time on business and not enough time with my kids, especially the Little One who is home with me most of the time. I feel guilty when I spend too much time playing with him and not enough time building business, because I really want it to succeed.

Guilt for not exercising enough. Guilt for take time to exercise instead of working or playing. Guilt for what I eat, and what I don't eat. Guilt for not drinking enough water. Guilt for not getting my teeth cleaned regularly. Guilt for not taking my kids in for health check-ups.

I feel guilty when I let my kids play video games after dinner, because I am exhausted. Guilt for spending money. Guilt for not saving enough money. Guilt for not spending enough time with my husband. Guilt for getting a babysitter so I can spend time with my husband.

                                                

I don't feel all of these all the time, but there just seem to be a lot of expectations, mostly my own, and I am not at all sure any of it is realistic. There are my own expectations, but there are also forces out there in the population that I notice.

It always baffles me that researchers, doctors, psychologists all tell us that we need to slow down, balance our lives, do less, reduce stress etc. And yet, you will not find very many people who actually admire someone who follows that advice. The more someone does, the busier someone is, the more others put them on a pedestal. Why do we do that? Why can't we admire someone who says no, makes choices to slow down, and takes care of themselves? That is much harder to do.

                                        

Another example that comes up again and again is the breast feeding versus bottle feeding debate. I have no intention of getting into it now (or ever!) because I value my life, but what interests me about it is that both sides feel the same way. Pro-nursing enthusiasts feel they are being judged and are unsupported by society. Bottle feeding Mamas also feel judged and unsupported by society. How can that be? Who is doing the judging? Can we stop it, because it just makes everyone feel bad. It makes us all feel even more guilt.

So, here is my big plan. (I know, if you call it a big plan, it makes it seem even more exciting and impressive.) I am going to do two things. 1) Stop feeling guilty. Easier said than done, I know. I will feel confident in my choices, do my best in each circumstance, and know I have a chance to try again tomorrow. 2) Stop judging others. This, too, is hard to do. I like to think I don't judge, but I do. I may keep it to myself, but I do make assumptions in my mind about others. I will try to be empathetic, and see the best in people, and support them in any way I can.

                        

That is my diatribe for today. If I have judged you in the past, I am sorry. I will try to do better tomorrow.

PS: Can we find a better word to describe our feelings about not being perfect, and not doing it all, and having to make tough choices? "Guilty" is what I felt as a kid when I lied to my Mom, or what happens when bad guys get caught. How about "conflicted" or "disconcerted"? Even "crazy" makes me seem like less of a criminal than "guilty".