You speak to my heart. I was born the third of three, by 11 years, so was basically raised an only child. I learned to entertain myself and am very uncomfortable in groups or loud situations where I feel I can't easily leave. I read constantly, and love to study... anything. I spend my time hungering for knowledge. I have 12 children. Now, I love my children dearly, and like you, can't imagine life without any of them. But I do find myself imagining my life without all of them. When people ask how many children I wanted, I stick with 4.... which probably would have been too much. 12 is pretty much insanity. We adopted a family group and later adopted a sibling of a child adopted by another family locally. Then over time, there were more whose lives crossed ours, in need, no one to take them. My life has changed drastically, and while I love my family, there are times it's more theoretical, and I love them from work or wherever. I was not prepared, but hope that it's all worth it in the end, and that they go forth and find joy... my bucket list is mostly books and naps.