RE: What Happens When Introverts Have Children?
You speak to my heart. I was born the third of three, by 11 years, so was basically raised an only child. I learned to entertain myself and am very uncomfortable in groups or loud situations where I feel I can't easily leave. I read constantly, and love to study... anything. I spend my time hungering for knowledge. I have 12 children. Now, I love my children dearly, and like you, can't imagine life without any of them. But I do find myself imagining my life without all of them. When people ask how many children I wanted, I stick with 4.... which probably would have been too much. 12 is pretty much insanity. We adopted a family group and later adopted a sibling of a child adopted by another family locally. Then over time, there were more whose lives crossed ours, in need, no one to take them. My life has changed drastically, and while I love my family, there are times it's more theoretical, and I love them from work or wherever. I was not prepared, but hope that it's all worth it in the end, and that they go forth and find joy... my bucket list is mostly books and naps.
I think we have matching bucket lists. 12? The very idea makes me duck and cover, but it also fills my heart with warmth because that means 12 humans are receiving love and stability which is, in all honesty, the wmotional equivalent of a book or a nap.
12 is, well, a whole bunch. More than my fragile temperament is designed to handle. But it warmed me that I was not alone in this struggle, and it resonates with me when you commented that now that they're here, you couldn't imagine no having them. Which would we choose not to have let into our heart? Doesn't make it easier, but I believe it gives the struggle and sacrifice meaning. I'm so far out of the box in this regard that we've burned the box to heat our hovel. But... We are warm.
Gah. "we've burned the box to heat our hovel. But... We are warm." That speaks volumes.