That Bagel is Evil
Dear minions,
Have you ever wondered if bagels are evil? They are.
Bagels are basically a sandwich with a hole in it. Normally you'd get a discount for buying something defective, but not with bagels. Sprinkle on some sesame or multigrain seeds and suddenly its double... no triple the price!
You can just imagine how the evolution of sandwiches to bagels went down...
... "I've got a great idea" said a marketing douche-bag. "Triple the price, for 1/3rd the product"!
It's not like they can't make a bagel without the hole... If you've ever seen the bagel construction process, they put the hole there on purpose. It's ridiculous. They could just as easily make a fulsome bagel, but why would they.
Do you know how often cream cheese falls out my bagel onto my shoes?!
It's not like anybody uses the hole too hang their bagels onto coat racks, so what's the point...
Bagels are evil.
Blame the Jews (definitely joking)
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Never trust a bagel in your lunch bag, it's up to no good I say to everyone while sitting on the sidewalk pointing at my lunch bag.