Thanks very much for your comment and for opening up and sharing your story. What you're referring to as the reason why you no longer believe in God, is known as the problem of evil. The million-dollar question of why is there so much suffering in the world if there is a God who loves us! Intellectually speaking, it is not difficult to provide reasons and answers to this problem so this is not really an intellectual problem as you can find the answers for it in the video that I've linked below but as William Lane Craig says in the video, this is more of an emotional problem and the intellectual answers will not fix the emotional problem that stems from the pain and suffering in the world! Once again, thanks very much for commenting :)