The Chaotic Journey to Fatherhood

So I met my now wife, years and years ago back in middle school when I moved to Nashville. We could not have been in two more different circles. She always hung out with the "cool kids" while I spent my time with all of the skaters and future fuckups. The only thing we had in common was that we rode the same bus. Even then, she sat in the very back with the popular crowd while I sat by myself at the front with my headphones on blasting the latest and greatest emo screamo nonsense. How could I have ever possibly known that one day, not only would we get along, we would date, go to college together, get an apartment together, and even get married?

Fast forward some years after that and we finally got to a place where we considered ourselves to be "financially stable enough" to try and start a family. I cannot tell you how many times since then I have been told "you think you are financially stable enough to have a kid, but you never really will be". But that is neither here nor there. We were ready. One of the other things that we had in common was always knowing that one day we wanted to be parents. So we began to try. I will spare you the details but I think we all know what it takes to create life. We tried and we tried and then we tried some more. We tried so much that honestly, I got to the point where I just wanted to be left alone just for one night. It was work. Then finally one day it actually happened! We must have taken about 15 pregnancy tests that night just to be sure because we just couldn't believe it.

But it was true and it was real! We were so unbelievably excited that it was really happening. We were going to be parents! Queue the prenatal vitamins and what to expect books! Week after week we learned more and more. We got daily updates from the pregnancy apps letting us know just how small our little creation was and how many body parts it had. I joined my wife at the first several appointments and figured hey for this next one, maybe I will skip it. After all I needed to work especially with a little one on the way. So I went to work as usual and instead my mom accompanied my wife to the appointment that day. Lets just say that I will never miss an appointment again...... About an hour after my wife's appointment time, I missed several calls because I left my phone in the work van. So I called back. No answer. Called again. No answer. I was worried and had a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. Tragedy struck. Finally my wife called me back in tears to let me know that we lost the baby. For one reason or another, the baby just stopped growing after 8 weeks and there was no heartbeat. We were devastated.

Week after week went by after this full of tears and general depression. I felt so helpless because there was nothing I could do to soothe the pain my wife was feeling. What hurt me the most is that she kept telling me how sorry she was that she lost it. Like somehow it was her fault and I blamed her for it. When you lose a baby, you cannot help but feel isolated. Feel alone in the world. Feel like nobody understands your pain. We found out that this is simply not true as immediately everyone around us let us know that we were not alone. The outpouring of support and love was incredible! You just never realize how many couples have to go through this same situation until it happens to you. So after a few months of healing and "taking a break" we decided that we wanted to give it another shot. So again we tried and tried and tried and tried.

Here we are several months later and yes we are now about 7 months pregnant and its amazing! Well my wife with her back pain and swollen ankles may not feel quite as optimistic as I do, but still! And to top it all off, its a little baby girl just like we hoped for. Now even this pregnancy has not been the easiest as of late with a few premature scares. My wife has now been told that she has to stay in bed just to keep things safe and to make sure the pressure and pain goes down as our little bundle of joy is trying to make her debut a little early. I have not even met this little girl and she is already causing me and her mother problems! But to say that I am excited to be a father is a complete understatement! The road ahead may be long and it may be rough, but I cannot imagine traveling down that road accompanied by two better teammates.