Why Do We Listen To Sad Music When We Are Sad?
Why is it that every time we feel sad and depressed, we go back to those same melancholy tracks instead of listening to uplifting songs that are actually supposed to make us feel better?
Why do we still choose to treasure our sadness even when we clearly have a better alternative to make ourselves feel happy and joyful almost instantly? At first thought, this doesn't really make much sense.
Listening to sad songs because you're sad is a really normal thing to do, but why? This question is a little tricky because when we are sad, the expected thing would be for us to want to get rid of that feeling as fast as we can, but instead we choose to multiply it.
But what's interesting is that it actually does make a lot of sense because sadness is a more artistic and aesthetically pleasing emotion to us humans as compared to all the other emotions because what it hints at is something that we all have - unfulfilled desires.
It may be the desire to have someone love you back, or the desire to not feel lonely, or the desire to relive your childhood memories, or the desire to prove yourself to the world. Anything. We all know what it feels like when some of our strongest desires are left unfulfilled.
This is exactly what makes sadness so beautiful. When shared, it reminds us of how we are not alone and how other people around the world have been through the same things that we have and are suffering just as much as we are.
How Sad Music Heals
At its core, sadness is actually our greatest tool for connection because when we share our sadness with other people and listen to their stories, it makes us feel like we belong somewhere, even if those people are strangers and we don't know anything about them.
If you think about it, the fact that sad music can make us feel comfortable and sometimes better is actually quite amazing because sadness is often portrayed as a feeling that makes you feel supposedly worse than before. But in reality, sadness is far more complicated than that.
When you listen to sad music, you are synchronizing your mental state with that of the artist which builds that strong unspoken emotional connection between you and them which further makes you realize how you are not alone in your suffering.
When I listen to sad music on YouTube, I often scroll down in the comments and read everything that people had to say about the song and how it made them feel, and their own stories and how they had been hurt by someone they love.
It's so comforting to hear other people share their pain because it gives you the strength to do the same and to let out whatever you've been wanting to say. It's almost like you've "found your tribe" when you relate and empathize with these people and feel a strange connection in that safe space where you are allowed and encouraged to grieve.
Another beautiful way in which sad music heals us is how it triggers the good memories that we had lived in the past. It reminds us of those amazing moments that we got to experience, even if we can never have them back again.
It makes us reminisce about the sweet drama of our stories and how we treasure those stories because they provide our lives with meaning, fulfillment, and gratefulness. We may be sad that those memories had to end, but we're happy knowing that they happened in the first place.
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It works other way round as well. Music has the power to drive our mood, and I have experienced it.
One fine day I was working in my office and side by side listening to music on youtube. For some reason I happened to play sad songs in my playlist(totally unintentional) and after few hours I fell sad and dull.
I realized it while taking a short break that I have got deeply immersed in the emotions of the songs and that drove me to that state. After I came back from the break I switched to some happening and peppy numbers(intentionally this time) and voila!! I was back in the happy swing. :)
So I feel while we are sad, if we give that initial push of 10 seconds and put on some happening music, it can retrieve you to the world of happiness and save someone from going into more saddened state.
Hope this helps.
Music indeed influences your mood. But for some reason, it doesn't help (at least for me) when I try to cover up my sadness with more happy music. It just feels inauthentic and dishonest.
Most of the times, I think it's better to just let the sad feelings out by immersing yourself in sad music because then you are being honest with your own feelings.
My thoughts(I think we might have to agree to disagree here)
The only part I remain concerned about the post or telling any of my friend to stay in the zone of sadness while listening to slow music, is how long they are continuing to be in that zone. And how strong are they to come back from that.
You probably would be strong enough to pull yourself out after couple of hours, but for someone who has seen worst, it might be really difficult for them.
I have known a friend who would close the door, shut off the lights, play sad songs and have drinks and that would continue for a whole night. And this would happen every weekend. She claimed she certainly felt lighter after that. But in my opinion it had high risk of her going into depression.
I don't disagree at all. You are right about the part that some people are not able to pull themselves out of that phase.
I know there are some people for whom it's harder to recover. They dive in way too deep and harm themselves as a way to outlet their emotions, but that is a completely unhealthy way of experiencing sad emotions.
Your friend already seems to be dealing with depression. Oftentimes, people with depression are really good at hiding their feelings, and that's why they shut themselves out and into loneliness.
I can dive deep but still end up recovering rather quickly (not always) because I've taught myself how to do that and it feels so good to experience the beauty of sadness and still get back from it just as fast.
I don't think your friend should be doing those things to herself. It's toxic. If she can afford it, ask her to go see a therapist and talk to her about it more often.
I've been there, and it really helps to have someone who is listening to you and about your problems. I hope she gets better.
She is doing great now and has recovered from that phase.
Thanks :)
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This is an interesting subject I've been thinking about lately. I think you did a great job of explaining it and you helped me put it more into perspective..
Sometimes I resonate to sad music when I'm sad and it usually makes me even more sad, but perhaps in that moment I'm not ready to feel happy, so.. Even though I could listen to more uplifting music.. It's not quite right at that moment in time. Though eventually I get to a point where I've had enough sadness and I don't wanna add to it anymore and then I'll switch to some more upbeat music.
Well said.
I agree.
This part hit me pretty hard! There really is a lot more to it than I thought.. It is quite complex and like you said beautiful also. I think I'm going to look at sad music in a new way after this. Thanks for the very thought provoking and enlightening post. This was one of the more interesting threads I've read in a while.
I know right!? When you try to listen to uplifting music when you're sad just to make yourself feel better, it seems like you're lying to yourself. It feels like you're hiding from your pain instead of embracing it.
Yup. When you know you've had enough and are ready, it's completely fine to start getting "normal" again as long as you don't feel like you're faking yourself into listening to those upbeats.
I think I know why it hit you that hard. It's because of her, isn't it? I read that post last night and the first thing I could think of when I read the last part of this comment of yours was that it's surely because of the memory you have of her.
P.S. Sorry if I'm being a little too personal. Let me know if I am.
You should! Sadness is a really underrated emotion and it has so much to teach us. I know I'm kinda promoting myself here, but I really think you should check out this article of mine where I tried to explain the idea in much clarity and detail. It'd be interesting to know your thoughts on it!
Thank you :) I'm glad I could give you something to think about. See you next time!
Yup. Exactly.
Yes. It had to do with her, and the other women I fell in love with.. And just life in general with friends and family as well. But especially with Amanda as those were the strongest feelings I ever felt.
It's cool, no worries. It's not too personal and I'll certainly let you know if I ever feel like you're getting too personal or anything like that.
Great article. I'm glad you shared that with me and I highly agree.. Your thoughts on the subject helped me reflect more and find more peace with my sadness, sometimes I feel pressured or almost bullied by others to be happier, and I get it.. They don't wanna see me sad, and they wanna help.. Though I've been through a lot of pain and I need to go through it and express myself.
You're welcome. Thank you as well! I've been appreciating our exchanges, I seem to learn new stuff every time we talk! Seeya next time!
Thanks. I like to step carefully in situations like this because I don't want to accidentally end up hurting someone. Glad to know it's okay with you :)
Thanks again, and I can empathize with your words. It's such a difficult place to be in when your friends have good intentions and want to see you happy, but the pressure they put you in to be happy almost always makes things worse.
This is the part where emotional intelligence comes into play. People with high EQ know that it's not gonna make things better if you pressurize a person to be happy. It's often better to let them experience that pain and recover from it overtime.
There's no shortcut to long-term happiness.
Expressing yourself indeed makes it so much easier to deal with and I'm sorry you had to go through all that, but if you look at it from my perspective, the more sensitive a person is to bad feelings, the more they enjoy the good feelings. I really mean it. I wrote the following lines in one of my older articles which I think explains a lot of what I'm trying to say:
"People like these sure have more to lose, but they also have more to live for. They feel greater levels of compassion, intimacy, sense of purpose, attraction, fulfillment and pretty much every other thing that makes for a meaningful life."
Here is the link to the article if you'd like to read the whole thing.
It goes both ways, haha! You seem to teach me stuff every time you share your life stories and I often feel like I can relate with you on so many levels. Glad to know you like my wor
Word. I appreciate that.
Yeah.. I agree. As much as we want people to be happy, it's good to realize it can't be forced and that they'll likely be happier in the long run if they go through it.
Well said.. And thanks for the link, will check it out when I can. Either tonight or tomorrow probably. And yeah it seems like when you try to force your mental state you're repressing feelings and becoming more robotic for lack of a better word, I think if we're more fluid and honest and natural that that is more ideal and conducive. And I didn't have any studies to base that on until you shared that I just felt it intuitively and tend to listen to my intuition as it's rarely wrong. Sometimes it is, but rarely.
Cool. :D Glad we can help each other learn and have some great conversations while we're at it. :)
Yup. The moment you hold your feelings back and repress them, you are distancing yourself from yourself. The more you try to appeal to others, without first appealing to yourself, the less real you become as a person.
Indeed. It's amazing how similar people across the globe can be :)
I can add at your point of view. When you feel angry you tend to listen to aggressive music like rock, dubstep, rap. You don't listen to sad music to calm yourself, you listen to aggressive music because you need a anger release. And feel better after. Than perhaps when you feel sad you listen to sad music to release your "sadness".
Agreed. We always try to find an outlet for our emotions, no matter the kind of emotion we are feeling. We try to find something that will synchronize with our thoughts and make us feel involved and engaged in a space that encourages us to open up and reveal our true selves.
Music is just one of those outlets. There are many other outlets out there, but music seems to work the best for most people.
I believe it's a Pythagorean thing (i.e., the “Musical Universalis”).
Nice Post.
Namaste, JaiChai
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This may sound silly but it isn't something that has really occurred to me before. Thanks for this post you have given me a lot to think about.
You're very welcome :) I'm glad I could give you something to think about!
Good analysis. I wonder if maybe some specific wavelenghts actually make us feel better when we are in that state. Eg. release serotonine.
Do you mean serotonin?
A while back I did read something on this subject and as far as I can remember, the source pointed out that some frequencies indeed do make us feel better/relaxed.
It makes a lot of sense too because music is nothing but a rhythmic pattern of frequencies and wavelengths which can be created in a way to trigger a certain feeling.