These situations are so tough. You're absolutely right about there being 2 or 3 sides of the story.
My parent separated when I was 16 or so, my sister was 12 - so it honestly didn't affect me at all, I was charging head-first into my own interests and life... but my sister was probably impacted fairly positively by the situation because she got much more attention than otherwise.
What I did notice at the time, is how everyone's story changed with the passage of time; my Mum was abandoned by her husband (my recollection is that she constantly created situations that eventually made it impossible for him to stay), my Dad suddenly unleashed years of pent up unhappiness in vitriol against our Mum (while likely justified, the kids aren't probably the right audience for this) and my sister was the product of a broken family (my memories are that she was getting super spoiled from both sides and loving it). My Dad's next partner was even more aggressive than my Mum ever was, and my Mum's next partner was even more of a doormat than my Dad. It was incredible to watch. They've now been apart longer than they were together and everything is fine... it was tough going and we were old enough to make our own decisions... I can't imagine what Mike must have gone through. I'm so sorry that was your childhood.
people don't realize how much of a lasting effect this can have on children and eventually into adulthood. unfortunately now a days marriages are viewed as disposable things... I would LOVE to relive in a time like my grandparents grew up where marriage MEANT something and being married meant you worked through things! any more everyone is so quick to rush to the alter to upload the "coolest wedding pics " to outdo their friends, simply because getting married is the "cool thing to do" that they don't even recognize the power and meaning behind being married. and then you throw kids into the mix....
my biological parents weren't married, but they did make a choice to have a child together and then go separate ways... now as an adult I wouldn't want it any other way as far as having so many people to love me... but I just wish again, that the world we lived in was "old school" again in that marriage and having children was a special sacred thing... not just a thing to do for a season and then move on to the next latest fad....
I think you will def enjoy the next chapter to this story <3 stay tuned
I will, absolutely.
Yeah, I have so many thoughts about marriage...
I've seen my friends rush into marriages just because everyone else around them was getting married and they got caught up in the spirit of it... then had a kid or two and found they weren't excited about the same things... especially as my friends hit the mid-30s...
Then on the other side, my grandparents who were together for over 65 years, and so awful to each other... they just shouldn't have been together, there would have been so many other people they could have been happy with, but clearly felt trapped or bored or way too comfortable.
I'm honestly not sure what the answer is, I just want people to be happy and I wish weddings were less of an event... but regardless, very excited about your posts!
Thank you and i have to agree with you! staying together when youre miserable also is not the answer either... just wish people would take the time to figure it all out while dating first. theres no rush to marriage. I hear all the time omg weve already been together for 4 years though when is he going to propose.... ok so what, you've been together 4 years, youre taking your time learning about one another and if you do end up getting married its not "wasted time", that little piece of paper saying your married doesn't and shouldn't change your relationship at all, so whats the difference?? I hope that makes sense but that's how I feel about it. and don't even get me started on the flashy engagement ring phase... these men spending as much on a ring as they could a vehicle or small house... get out of here... what are you trying to prove? I don't need a giant flashy ring to show my man loves me... my promise ring: a thrift store find that we found together while thrifting one day that cost $0.25! its so unique, I love it, it doesn't turn my finger green lol and its the MEANING behind it that I love so very much!
I actually agree 100%.
It honestly feels like a diamond ring is used more as a badge of honour or a status symbol instead of an actual commitment. A lot of my friends are exactly the same... "I really thought he'd propose on this trip", etc etc instead of spending the time thinking about the long term commitment.
Clearly at least half the people getting married aren't thinking it through (given divorce rates). We were never going to get married, mainly because we wanted either one of us to step away if someone else made them happier... and what that meant is that we were both putting in a good effort to ensure we were the best person for the other. After 14-15 years, lots of pressure to get married so we threw everyone a 'Not-Wedding' dress up party - which totally did the trick.
We are married now (easier for the whole visa thing) but we're still putting the effort in.
Fun Fact: Engagement diamond rings have only been around since the 1920s... Before that diamonds were essentially worthless because no one cared about them.
you're totally right on the badge of honor thing i totally agree. its a shallow social thing more than a commitment anymore. Makes me ill to watch those videos people post on youtube when the girl gets mad because the ring is too small or not the right one or he didn't propose exactly how she wanted in a helicopter over Italy... gimme a break, really. if these people put half the effort into their marriages as they do worrying about what other people think of them on the internet they'd probably have a happier marriage and the us would have a lower divorce rate