First of all, thank you very much! Your comment was very insightful <3
I completely understand that internalized hatred that we acquire after such a long time of being exposed to the negativity that it would imply being someone slightly different, in a way. And not only with sexual orientation but in all aspects of our lives.
I have felt confused sometimes, but after a little instrospection I realized that my confusion didn't come from within but actually from all the things people could say to "help me make up my mind" because they couldn't comprehend what it meant not to be straight. It was that insecurity from before that made me question my whole existence sometimes!