Are Dowries Dehumanizing" [28/06/2024]

picture from my gallery, my twin brother and the wife during their traditional marriage day. Designed with pixelLab

Good evening my beloved steemians across the globe, I remain your favorite girl @missyleo. Kudos to my dear admin @chant for organizing such a wonderful and a nice contest topic.

This topic is a very significant topic in our society now, especially in my state Akwa Ibom ( Nigeria). So I will also share my view on this very matter. Let's dive into the hint questions.

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Dowry is simply the act of paying some amount of money by the groom's family to the bride's family or from the bride's family to the groom's family, this is actually depending on the culture or tradition of the person land.

In my state, it is the groom's family that pays for the bride's dowry, because it is a sign of respect for the bride's family and their daughter.

Payment of dowry has been a thing our forefathers practice years ago and this is still in existence in this our 21st century, that is just because it is a necessity. When a man pays the bride's dowry this goes to show that he value the lady and he also appreciates the effort the parents of the bride made by making the bride who she is today, I mean the moral upbringing and the discipline instilled in her.

Dowry payment wasn't a big deal during the time of our forefathers as I heard how my father normally talk about. Dowry was supposed to be a little token gotten from the family of the groom but it is no longer so in this our present world, most especially here in my state Akwa Ibom (Nigeria).

My father used to tell us that in those days that they used to return back the dowry to the groom after the payment, that is because they assumed that their daughter was not for sale or a property you buy with money, so that act of returning back the dowry alone will make the groom value and give more respect to the bride so well.

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Both materials and money are being given as dowry, and also the groom will be given a long list of items to be brought too.

In my state, after paying a heavy sum of money as dowry, the groom will be asked to bring a lot of items like:

• She -goat

• Crate of soft drinks

• Crate of beers

• Cartoon of assorted wines and hot drinks

• 50 litres of palm wine

• 10 tubers of yam (big size)

• A box filled up with assorted materials

• A bag of rice, etc.

The items the groom will be asked to bring is always longer than what I just mentioned above in some families or culture.

picture from my gallery, my father, mother, my twin brother and the wife on their traditional marriage day

With the way some cultures and kings-men from different families are doing now, I think dowry has become a social evil. How can some parents or family heads use such avenue in getting money from young people that wants to start up a new family, all in the name of collecting dowry.

I know that dowry is supposed to be an act that binds both marriage relationships together because it is a sign of respect for both the groom and the bride. But the way our culture and tribes are going about this whole thing, it is making some young men scared of making a step towards getting married soon, that's because they don't have such amount of money to start with.

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If we can go back to the olden days where our forefathers operated, by collecting a little token from the grooms family, then every thing will be alright.

Dowry was supposed to be a little amount of money where a man can afford and part freely without breaking his bank or putting himself into unnecessary debts.

I think the kings-men, elders and even the chiefs in the community should have a meeting within themselves to see how they can re-adjust this very act of extortion.

Like I said before, these act of getting big money from the groom's family for dowry and also given them outrageous list of unnecessary things to buy and bring is making 50% of young men out there have refused to make a step to even ask a lady hand in marriage just because they knows that they won't be able to affordable all those items that will be mentioned in the marital list from the brides family.

Payment of dowry is a necessary thing to be done before the groom can take the bride home as his wife, but the family of the bride has to look into this matter critically well, and re-adjust the list so that it can be comfortable for the groom to pay freely without borrowing money to do so or better still do it this way, after collecting the dowry from the grooms family, later on you return it back to them.

By doing the above mentioned, then our young ladies that's of the age of marriage, including me will get married quickly and also start a beautiful and a lovely family, thank you.