It really deserved a little more time put into it and further expanding of the inner life of the characters by showing it in a little action. I liked the concept and it's a great start. You should expect to improve as you practice. Don't be afraid to express deeper emotions, because: they are not yours, they're the character's.
Kudos on the change of style.
Just to start with, I want to say that you know how to drop a good comment.
I'm not sure about improvement, as I need more practice in story writing. But, I am more interested in writing non-fiction text. So, even the story was only about diving into what the character is experienced inside. Of course it could be improved.
Thanks =D
#wewrite #miner-wewrite #comment
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I just comment what I think. I am also brutally honest. If I have nothing helpful to say, I usually avoid commenting, so no one gets offended.
Thanks for you time answering my comment.
Cheers.
You started with saying "I'm brutally honest" and ended with "so no one gets offended". Well, this is the first time that I see this. LOL
Anyway, I get your point. I always like to keep a conversation when it is meaningful.
Cheers!
#wewrite #miner-wewrite #comment
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I just meant I avoid commenting when I feel too strongly about it and know I'm about to do more damage than good. You do good writing. Just keep practicing. You can write anything.