Assalamualykum & good day, everyone.

My baby, Cahaya which means Light is 4 months now. I had so many tests from God before I finally had this bundle of joy in my hands.

When I was pregnant with her, I was so freaking tired every day. In the last trimester, I can only walk less than 2k steps, else, I had to be hospitalized cause I could barely stand. I had to have an emergency c-section because I had a very high blood pressure. There were two machines by both of my side, to control my blood pressure and I had a drip to control my blood sugar. My anxiety also through the roof. I'm grateful that we both survive. Alhamdulillah.

When I was pregnant with her, I always sing this song whenever I feel sad or stressed:

This little light of mine
By : Jack Hartmann

It gave me some strength to go on about my days. That's why I named her Cahaya. My little Light.

About 4 years before, after I gave birth to my first child, Anne, the doctor had told me that if I got pregnant again, it would be very painful for my body and the risk would be higher for me to survive. At that time, I wasn't sure if I want to have another baby, as I knew I'm not in a good condition. I told my husband, I would only get pregnant if my condition approved. And I did get a bit healthy before I got pregnant, according to the test results from the doctor. Sometimes I scared of saying something cause I feel like, I might have a bit knowledge of the future or something will come true if I said it. That's why I always be careful of not saying something bad even as a joke. I don't want to jinx it. 😅

Sometime after baby got discharge from hospital, we found that she had some problem with breathing. I report that to the doctor when she was a month old. Doctor suggested us to buy some nasal spray from any pharmacy. My baby, cried a lot.

When she was 2 month, I told the same thing to another doctor. She didn't even put a remark on my baby's book.

A week after that, we took the baby to another doctor as her condition worsen. She made a letter for us to take our baby to emergency at the hospital.

Finally, we get to see the specialist. They prescribe 2 other nasal spray. One of them a very strong one that shouldn't be taken after 10 days. The specialist told us to only use it for 7 days then throw it away. After 7 days, we used a normal nasal spray. Finally, after 7 days, baby cried less. Turn out, she was crying cause she had problem breathing. Her breathing has got a bit better.

I read in the internet that there are some cases that are worse than us. Some parents even lost their child because of this problem. We're glad to discover baby's problem early but we're also sympathize with parents that had lost their child.

Now, Cahaya already turned 4 months. She still cries more than other baby but for us, this is a whole lot better than when she was 2 months old. So, we're grateful that she has gotten better. Still, she is prone to flu and fever. Thus, we care very deeply for her. It wasn't easy when I was pregnant with her and it isn't easy to take care for her. As a parent, I just want to see her smile, laugh and getting better each day. Ameen!

Her grandma is very fond of her. Maybe because of baby's weak condition but baby also often smile and laugh when she see her grandma. So, maybe because of her cute laughter too. She's too precious.

I love to get my nose close to her nose till they meet each other then I breathe with her breath and vice versa for some few seconds. I feel that I'm giving her some of my life energy. I know it might sound silly, but hey, a mom just want some belief to be strong.

She had another appoinment with the specialist in 2 months time. I feel reassure with the appoinment. Insha Allah, khair.

She often sleeps in her rocking chair as she feels comfortable sleeping in it. The rocking chair helps her breathe better.

Please pray for my baby, Cahaya so that she will grow cute and healthy.

Thanks for stopping by. 💐