Terimakasih my friend, I love you!

Silence is not always golden I have come to learn over the years and have been acutely reminded of again today as I have milled about my daily activities in the most empty and painful silence. Reflection, contemplation and so many memories have flooded my mind and heart. I suppose it has proven a poignant reminder that my heart does in fact still work. I should probably be grateful for that hey?

We are all so quick to take those around us for granted, not that I took you for granted but this is common practice and perhaps I am a little guilty of that in your respect too... and if it ever felt like that, I am eternally sorry for it was never my intent. You were always going to be there... you know? - Mr. Invincible.

PHOTO CREDIT: DEAN MORIARTY

I sat for hours today looking at the world through your eyes. I always tried to be the one person who did, I hope you know that. I stumbled at many points as I shared in these slices of your journey. So many questions that have filled my mind a little too late. Why didn't I have them sooner? Perhaps you would not have wanted me to ask - I suppose I will have to continue guessing, you always did like to keep a person guessing. You win :)

PHOTO CREDIT: DEAN MORIARTY

I wish we had gotten down to compiling that poetry book you wanted to do with my moms art as the illustration, but as usual life gets in the way doesn't it. Why do we always allow it to do that? I used to attend my moms art classes, I don't know if I ever told you that. I know I told you that she painted, but I don't know if I ever shared that I "tried to". Not very successfully though... but the very first picture I ever painted was inspired by "The Tree of Life". I spent days looking for a rendition of it that appealed to my crazy personality so that I could "make it my own". I eventually found it and do you know what... apparently, so did you! I stumbled across the below photo in your collection and my heart stopped!

PHOTO CREDIT: DEAN MORIARTY

And this is a screenshot of my inspiration (top left) and then my own personal progress with the exact same version of the tree of life.

That painting hangs in my lounge to this day! I took this picture now to show you. You know well that I am a lover of symbolism and even though doing that painting has always held great meaning to me, now as I sit here in front of my laptop staring at it, writing this... it holds SO much more significance and will from this day forward, because whilst I always knew we were kindred spirits who shared a parallel world, this will forever be a daily revival of your presence... almost like you planned it. Did you?

I have been drenched in symbolism today, perhaps it is serendipitous, perhaps it is the universe helping me to process all of this or maybe it is actually you. Earlier today I asked myself why I never asked you what Terimakasih meant and within minutes of that question flowing through my mind, it was answered by @gibic... amazing really, isn't it!

I sat on my front porch yesterday, with salt water running down my cheeks enough to warrant an ocean contribution and yet, all I could hear in my head was your voice as crystal clear as if you were right next to me... it's ok Jaynie, it is I argued with you, telling you that it is anything BUT ok, but you just wouldn't shut up! Why are you so bloody stubborn! - Don't answer that, because you know I would not change you for the world.

PHOTO CREDIT: DEAN MORIARTY

I guess I am rambling now, but you don't mind do you :) there was always time for one more quote or one more song and you know what... today is no different... so let me share one that I just know you will love! In fact, I have probably shared it with you already - you know my memory is not the greatest especially after we have both enjoyed the velvet pleasure of red wine... but hey, who cares, nothing wrong with repeating good songs is there?! Nope, didn't think you would argue that one... so here it is then... and you had better have a come back.