Alter- Ego - How It Help Changed Me?
Merry Christmas everyone!
I feel interested to write about the theme for this week. I have something to share about my life story. I think it belongs to this theme in my understanding. If not, pardon me if I am wrong but gladly wanting to share this.
I am the eldest among 6 siblings. Before I got married, we were only four but after my marriage, my mother got pregnant not only once but two times. I was pregnant too aftery mother gave birth to my sister number two. We are four girls and two boys. Our youngest brother is younger than my only son. Our youngest sister is older a few months than to my son.
Since my childhood, my parent gave me the responsibilities that supposed to be not for a child but because I am the eldest and my parent was too young parent, they never knew what was for me. Even my mother had over disciplinary action toward me since she was only 16 when she gave birth to me. I was 3 years old then my first brother came to us. The younger three siblings had 13 months gap to our sister number 4. It made me cried and worried about my studies. I was the one taking care of my siblings that time, a reason getting me absent from classes many times.
Then, our two houses were burnt two different times brought disaster to us. My mother told me to work so I could help them building new home. I was an academic scholar in high school. When I graduated, there was a continue scholarship but my mother forced me to work in her brother business away from home. Her brother told my mother that I would be a working student. They gave me salary to help my parent and they would pay my tuition fee in college. It was a sad moment away from home. I dreamed to be a teacher to help my siblings but all was not realized.
The place I went from my peaceful place was a place of a lot of addicted man even woman. The place was a city different from home. I was raped and the man who did it was a friend of my Uncle. Instead of putting him in jail, I decided to got marriage with him. I was an ignorant woman even never inlove or had boyfriend. I'm a girl from a province, not the same from the girls in the city. I decided getting married to him because I was afraid of getting pregnant. What would happen to the baby without father? The man was a good looking person who was easy for me to be my husband than became a single mother. I swallowed my pride and ego.
The old version of me, full of negative thoughts.
Why I was acting like that?
I had no self-esteem. I was thinking that we were poor and I lost my eagerness to build a better life after I cried being raped. All dreamed were gone. I was/am like that kind of person. I don't have trust to myself. I considered everything I do/did were nothing at all. All were negative looking myself ugly infront of the mirror. I focus my self working day and night for my son and I made it. I was easily jealous, cried many time for my husband had good relation with girls around. They were happy and I was speechless to avoid confrontation, I hide it myself and cried behind.
That was the old version of me before finding myself the alter-ego beyond myself.
She I was at my 30s, starting finding the better version of myself , the alter-ego brought some changes and success.
New version of Me
I had business with the help of our boss. Their relatives got jealous to us so when the business improved, they took it out from me who made all sacrifices building those business. I managed it well. It gave us riches but before I went up in the middle, they pulled me down. It was the reason I worked here in Saudi Arabia since 1998 until now. My husband pushed me going abroad working as housekeeper. Many ups and downturned in my life but the better me arises. I got self-esteem. I became stronger. My three siblings became professional and graduated their education from my support including my son. They are the fruit of my labor.
The new version of me helped me a lot . I grew when I grow older and got the chance to see the alter-ego of me. Even my image is improving now. Looking myself the way I act and smile have difference compared to my old version.
My latest version latest photography this week. I am 54 years old now.
But I would like to let you know that my heart will never be altered. I kept myself how I was generous, kind and have a virtue of being patient and loving person to those who love me.
I am also grateful that the youngest brother is my resemblance. I looked at him so handsome man which was I never seen to myself before. Because of my negativity, I didn't appreciate it.
Thank you Dream Steem! I able to share my thought.
Every time you tell me something about your life, you leave me speechless... I couldn't stand it. I couldn't bear any of the things you've been through. You are an incredibly strong person, never let anyone tell you otherwise!
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Yes, its true, I know I am a strong woman. I could not live until now if I am not. Behind my smile there are so many agony in my heart. Sometime I felt unfair but I am still appreciating the blessings I got. I believe God will give me a gift before I die or not I hope in heaven. Thank you so much. Writing helped me a lot to empty my feelings inside.
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Upvoted! Thank you for supporting witness @jswit.
It's a hard life and negativity won't make you a survivor but that doesn't mean you should except everything.
It's my belief and experience that life only changes if you learn the lessons to be learned. These lessons are the problems we struggle with and those problems will return and return till we learned and.. change. If not there's no way up.
You look great in that dress with the rose (on the roof again dear, didn't you used to celebrate with your friends there, Christmas or birthdays or was it someone else's roof?).
Well, I am home alone from tonight on since the children fly away (home as in me and the wolves and the sick cat).
You know where to find me if you like a chat a celebrate together.
Within the family, we have the same.. young moms and old moms, uncles, aunts younger than nieces, and nephews, but no one sees it as weird besides "uncle" and "aunt" is not longer said.
P.s. is it steam on or steem on?
A warm hug to you!